- Nina: u don't know the first thing about throwing a hissy fit! U should be flying off the handle. you should be breaking stuff. You should be waking up the next morning, smelling of gasoline and saying "what the hell did I do?!"
- Nina: u know I once posed for nude photos. Elliott: yeah, we've all seen ur screensaver
- I've had relationships shorter than that story!
- Shouldn't u be in pottery class? I don't take pottery. Oh I just assumed from ur nails
- Ah is there anything worse than a monday morning?! Umm, its wednesday afternoon.. Oh. I knew that nap felt a little long.
- Dont patronise me pecker head
- Thanx eagle-eye
- Omg! Wat a coincidence! We should hav a coincidence party. I'll wear my coincidence hat! Woopee!
- If ur waiting for a hug, u might wanna pack a lunch
- I hav something 2say. Thanx 4the warning, taxi!
- To barman: how about something christmasee, um double scotch on the rocks. Barman: how is that christmasee? What are u a priest?
- Oh u bought a new book? I don't wanna ruin the ending but waldo is in the upper left corner
- Please do not handcuff the interns to ur desk. I was merely trying to... ok I won't
- Charmed, au chante, oo la la
- John's on his way up. Oh should I plug in the spotlight?
- Sometimes the brightest dream is a lamp called tomorrow, and sometimes u jst wanna puke in a toilet called yesterday
- Did u ever stop 2think what a collectors item that is? No I was too busy dating women
- There's nothing in that bowl, and by bowl he means head
- I believe the only thing u should smoke is a turkey
- Any questions? Yeah, why can't u kiss hookers?
- Good morning, what's so gud abt it, ah mondays, u know. Enough chit-chat, get back to work!
- Excuse me! girl interrupted!
- Run off and alphabetize ur CD collection or wateva u do to celebrate
- I bet u can't take half of what's in ur purse on an aeroplane
- Excuse me, I'm a gentleman, I don't kiss and tell but if u must know, go ask the guys.
- Do u get what I'm saying? I get the individual words
- What r u doin with an NYU newspaper? I subscribe - There's a girl there I'm stalking.
- I can't believe you did that to her!That is so wrong, why didnt u tell me so I could enjoy it
- They're sentencing me to 50hours of community service but the joke's on them, most of the garbage on the highway is mine anyway.
- Just say nothing and do nothing.. Oh shit is there a spider on me?
- A gentleman doesnt talk. So what's stopping u?...
- Aw thanx that's so sweet, if I weren't on so much prozac I could just cry.
- I like to treat my body as a temple. Which is why there's a line to get in on friday nights.
- U take punishment well. are u seeing anyone?
- Fine, but u go long enough without a man and u know wat happens. What? I don't know
- I said a good reason not a spectacular one.
- How can I make u believe me? Um, u could lower my IQ by about 50 points.
- Please sir, no means wait!
- Looks like u hav a secret admirer, possibly in the building. Oh...Like in a horror movie
- Please, this is a serious situation, we shouldn't be laughing while he's still in the room
- Well he's old! I mean..in a sexy way like a vampire...
- That's funny, did u make that same joke to napoleon?
- u just told that joke 5 minutes ago! I did? Haha, got ya!
- U don't know what this means to me, its like the weight of a giant book has been taken off my head...
- I see some new faces, some old faces, some new faces on old bodies
- So none of my research has had any effect on u? Well ur pie chart made me hungry
- How did u know? It was in the newspaper. Oh were u wrapping a gift? No, I was reading the newspaper. why?
- God may be on ur side but lady luck is my bitch.
- Are u embarrassed to work here? Ah, of course I am!
- She had huge boobs, and this was back when boobs were real...
- Its like an escape hatch for ur brain...
- Nasa called, they want their giant telescope back
- So who's ur friend? No I mean the 1 on ur nose...
- Uve lost sum weight, especially in the scalp area
- U can power latin america with all that sexual chemistry...
- I named my dog to rhyme with ur name. Which rhymes with restraining order...
- How did u know that champagne was there? How do dogs know their way home?!
- Do u wanna take this outside? Bring it on sister, I was born outside...
- That could mean anythng...
- oh no cake for me thanx...im watching my figure. Why? Nobody else is
- I don't cook...I dont even eat!
- Hahahaaah... yeah... I'm 70% joking
- Maya: SHUT THE F..ront door!
- Nina: Do u want me to fix her up with some of the men I'm finished with?
- has she given up on men? I mean its like she's throwing in the towel. Yeah, into the girls locker room. Huh? Oh don't get me wrong, I'm just saying.. she's a lesbian
- How would u like it if everyone was staring at u all day? Like it? Why do u think I dress this way!...
- What if she's busy? Haha, good one!
- Miss, I haven't had a chance to go to the bathroom yet. Well that's what weekends are for.
- wow, tommy hilfiger...he's like the president of things I care about
- Yeah, and uve got a big rack but we're all gods children...
- How have u not met mr right...
- When was the last time u did a favour for me? Oh...uh... I love u
- Wait a minute...U could be the answer. What's the question?
- I can handle this one, oh wait he's still alive...
- I'm sorry, lets just put this behind us. Ur chance 2 put things anywhere is over...
- Were they crushed when u told them? Crushed isn't exactly the right word, neither is told them...
- Well well well, look what the incredibly late cat dragged in...
- I had 2go home and change. Might I suggest goin back at lunch & trying again... But u bought me this outfit! I was angry with u that christmas.
- I'm glad 2 see u have a firm grasp of the blatantly obvious!
- Don't look at me with that tone of voice or I'll smack u in the shirt...
- "I'm not competing with u!" "Clearly..."
- Look sister, I didnt stay a virgin through grad school without learning a few moves...
- Oh fido, u can't be our family dog anymore...everyone say rabies...
- They called me Bj coz I always wore blue jeans, wait, no I didnt...
- Aw man, the baby threw up breakfast, well that makes 2 of us...
- Oh hi dad, I was just pretending to have a very important phonecall on this play-phone
- Did u barge in here for a reason or does the floor tilt towards my office?...
- Of course I cried when I was a baby, it was just hard for u to hear all the way from the golf course...
- Heeey! I have fun, I make time to... I collect... Believe me I have fun.
- Kiss me or hold me up or something
- Does she work here? Work? Um...she draws a salary, lets just leave it at that.
- Woah, you looked in my creativity box?!
- Yeah right, u wanna be a writer like I wanna shrink an inch
- Ah, how can I ever repay you? I mean without money changing hands...
- How do I look? Like a movie star... Like anthony quin...or who's the 1 that just died? Never mind.
- I wouldn't call it lying... Its more like folklore
- I want a raise...in, a raisin. check the kitchen. That's why you're the boss.
- The baby is crying. I wouldn't worry, its normal to cry when u realise you're smarter than you're mom.
- Stop that humming! You sound like a faulty vibrator.
- I can handle it, I handle stuff all the time.
- It's just a friendly little competition...that I'm gonna win.
- You're too competitive. Competitive?! Is that the best word u can come up with?!
- ur moving out?! But u just moved in... U havent even unpacked yet! That's why my timing is perfect.
- Hey r u up 4 lunch? Oh I can't... Ok then do u have 20 bucks? Huh? U were gonna pay weren't u? Um maybe if I was goin, yes. Ok fine lets play it out... Silly me, I forgot my wallet...do u mind paying?
- oh u are so full of... Wisdom
- I get a date and all ur money, everybody wins... I mean except u.
- now that we're friends I just need a minute to go and erase ur name from the men's room wall.
- I'm so hungry I could eat an entire sandwich
- oh really? Wow? I better call the sunday times!
- stanley can fill in 4u. Um, my names kevin. U don't look like a kevin. I know, I don't feel like a kevin either.
- This place is turning into the vatican! What? I know what goes on there, they can't fool me!
- its funny that u remember something trivial like that when u can't even rememba to prune back those hedges u call eyebrows.
- shoot it, stuff it's hang it on the wall
- hey who has the key to petty cash? Um, everyone but you.
- why are u doing this to me?! Why does the sun shine? Why does the rain fall?...
- its like a soap opera but with ugly people.
- who wants a hug? Um, I'll go ask around
- aloha! Which also means hello. but not right now.
- what are u doing? What do u mean? Well I'm no detective but u are hanging from a chandelier...
- what's with the slippers? Relax, they're not real fur!
- by your inflection I can tell that u think wat ur sayin is funny but...no
- what are u doing here? This morning you phoned in sick for work! Oh, um... (cough)?
- I need to talk to u but I need u to not be urself. ur like the 4th person to say that 2me tday...huh, imagine that.
- its not about winning or losing... its about destroying the other person
- I don't wanna look like an idiot. Well you'll have to take that 1 up with god.
- but you said u were gonna let me do it? Well dear, ppl say a lot of things when they're lying.
- when I come back, if he doesnt at least have a flesh wound, I'm going to hav 2 seriously re-evaluate our friendship
- what kind of tramp invites a guy in on the 1st date? Believe me, I chastised myself in my diary.
- I still can't believe that out of 10 thousand sperm u were the winner.
- did u just break my sunglasses? I don't know, were they in 3 pieces before?
- how do u know a surgeon? Feel my ass.. Wow that's good did she do that? No I just needed a little pick me up
- No way, no more parties at my place. Nobody ever stays behind to help clean up... Or untie me...
- I think u should love someone before u beat and humiliate them.
- hey, working late? No, fell asleep.
- Are u doin this to annoy me? What if I am? Then u'll feel the full force of my rage. Ok then I'm not.
- we stayed up all night talking, she said I'm a good listener. Good, well then u'll hear this... Ur a loser.
- ah! ah! what's wrong? Ur toe hurts.
- I'd give u some of my pain medication but it would totally screw up my saturday night.
- I'm sorry abt my sister. She comes off a little strong at times. I wasnt scared, I wasn't.
- That was unnecessary. Like the other half of ur bed?!
- Its always good to have a plan B.. Or a plan 34C.
- take me...advice. take me advice.
- I see you've ordered the silicone breast of chicken.
- mwoop nerd alert. mwoop this is not a drill.
- Oh you guys were talking about me? I thought my ears were burning. No, that's just ur hair dye.
- I've given up a filthy habit. You'll have to be more specific.
- I'll be in my office. And don't u barge in during my nude meditation hour. Which is from 3 to 4... Or whenever u can make it.
- u look good. Thanx I quit smoking. Well ur still smoking from where I stand.
- Me? Walk? Haha! God gave us feet for 3 reasons... To get pedicures, to get massaged and to get tied 2the other end of the bed.
- liar! I've never heard such a preposterous lie!
- You're leaving? I'd like to remember u jst as u are... Um, could u lose a few buttons and make a sexy face?
- you know what I'll miss most abt u? My ass? Most ppl say its my ass.
- Can u sort it out 4 us? Yes, as the poet Adrian Rich once pointed out... Great! Meeting adjerned.
- I am sensitive with my friends. The other day kevin fell down the stairs and I tried very hard not to laugh.
- Maxine-isms
- that was tough love
- Nina van Horn will not go quietly. Something bar tenders have been saying for years.
- Nina is that u? Come on nina, its either u or an open bottle of vodka. Haha it was gin, the joke's on u!
- Sorry, just taking 5... hits from my bong.
- Oh gosh... couldn't we just release some doves?
- Don't ask me for any help, I just spent the last 2weeks giving back to the community. That was court-ordered.
- I just gave blood not too long ago. Ur lying. I am not! Ok really? where'd you give blood? Ok, it was sperm.
- I can't decide which girl to take with me on holiday...the 1 has perfect legs & the other has perfect breasts. Oh what a coincidence, ur a perfect ass!
- Do u wanna get smacked?! Um, Kinda!
- Ah I see... No more for you...
- I'm so sorry abt ur pimple...how did u know? I saw u get out of the taxi, I mean we r only 19 floors up.
- what's more important 2a bird? Wings or the belief that he can fly? Wings. Wrong! Witness the penguin, a flightless bird, why? Because its wings can't support its body mass? Wrong! There was a time when penguins roamed the skies..terrifying nomads with their angry barking until a day when their confidence was shattered and they never flew again.
- I hope u can enjoy some of my scotch. I always have.
jul 20 2012 ∞
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jul 20 2012 +