i had a bad day, and it made me feel sad and want to curl up and just eat lots and lots and lots of chocolate non-stop. i couldn't think of anything else to do. i'm getting better now on the emotional side, however i am getting a rather bad cold, ha. what a BUMMEER. i miss my best friend, i miss chatting to her at night before we go to sleep and watching some ridicuously weird/funny/scary film. those moments are priceless and they just make me so happy, forget about everything and everybody and just enjoy the day with someone you love with all your heart. i cry a lot, rarely but when i do i can't stop myself, it's horrible quality. but when i cry, i wonder if the tears are falling just because i want to see them, i want to see in the mirror that something has made me do this, or because i have so much pain that i can't hold it in any longer. it's a weird thought. it's a sign that i am human and emotional :') how sweet. well jeez thanks cus i didn't know i was human or an emotional wreck already ;). why am i sad, cus there's this guy, that's all i can say. i wish there was no guy, for sure cus then i would be my normal happy self that i am most days :). however on the other hand, i like that this guy is there/was there. ( i don't know if he alive or not atm)... cus it brings some kind of exctitment. i like it, i mean id like to meet a guy very muchly, to be in love and well mutual not unrequited, don't like that word. but there's not much we can do is there. anyways. so right now after all this chatter and blabbing, i'm getting better. i'm smiling a bit more, i had a good night yesterday ha :) it was funny. we shall see how things turn out, like i say, i'm here but i won't wait forever. what a sweet moment to let out my thoughts. now i am going to eat some yummy food mama has prepared, and get on with my homeworks.