The store front was quiet as Mawar watched her grandmother fiddle around the tiny store, and kept passing by a simple ribbon hanging from a golden hook behind the counter. She was not allowed behind the counter but the ribbon was not there the day before. Mawar always notices when a new trinket ends up on the shelves.

She reached out to touch the soft ribbon but her hand was swatted by her grandmother. Though her grandmother was old, there was a sincere beauty behind all the thousand wrinkles that flawed her face. Her grandmother grimaced and said in their native tongue “This is not for you.”

The words her grandmother then said confused her, “It is not for me. I am just holding on to it for the time being.” Mawar turned away from her crazy grandmother, thinking that her age is finally getting to her mind. Sharifah watched her granddaughter stalk up staris and shrugged her shoulders. “You are not lost my child,” she whispered after her “You must lose yourself to find it as well.”

• ***

I felt the rain hit before the storm clouds rolled in. I was sitting out on the balcony of the apartment and sighed in frustration with the city. My grandparents dragged me kicking and screaming to Malaysia, just because my grandfather was helping build a few towers here. Though the towers are in the big city, we “live” in Petaling Street, the China Town of Kuala Lumpur.

Just as the rain began, it stopped, and I went inside trying to figure out something to do. My grandmother was on the phone chatting away to some friends and I felt like I was never more alone in the cold hallways of the apartment. I mentioned to my grandmother that I wanted to check out the stores off of Petaling Street, which earlier she was fine with but with the rain I wasn’t sure what she would say.

I grabbed my jacket and sunk out the front door, jogging to the elevator before hitting the button and leaping inside. I escaped and I felt a stab of guilt for not telling her where I was going. What does it matter anyways? I might as well have some fun here before my brain turns to mush.

Stalking out of the apartment building into the heart of Petaling Street, amazed by all the store fronts selling texiles and spices. Exotic animals groaned in cages and large birds squawked their complaint as a man tried haggling for a lower price. I stopped infront of a food counter and got a fruit smoothie, drinking it down without realizing it because of the humid climate.

Many shops were behind in alleys and people pushed and shoved to get their shopping done. I let the bodies pull me down a long way, glancing at shops as I passed till I noticed a tiny shop squeezed between a hat store and a leather shoe store. The store looked dirty on the outside but I couldn’t help but feel a tug deep inside, telling me to go in and check it out.

On the outside the lights are dim and I was so worried that it was closed. As I walked through the throng of people, a friendly bright sign read “Open” in Malayan underneath the sign of the store that read Lotus Leaf. I only know the basics of the language but because the lack of a kitchen in the apartment, my grandparents and I go out to dinner every night.

I pushed open the door and I heard a soft ding from a bell hanging over head. The shop had warm colors and soft Chinese Lanterns hung on strings around the shop. An old woman stood behind the counter smiling softly at me. Her face had a million wrinkles but she seemed wise with a soft twinkle in her eyes as she greeted me. I waved softly and glanced around the store, touching small handbags and soft cloths.

Eyes rested on my back as I walked over to the jewelery counter and noticed cute bracelets danging down. I glanced at my own wrist and grimaced at the bracelet I wore, beads missing and colors fading. I want to get one to replace it but it seems I can’t find any bracelets that seemed to be right for me. I took my bracelet off and slipped it into my back pocket, but now my wrist felt bare.

“My name is Sharifah,” the old women called to me “Call my name if you need help.” I couldn’t really understand her English but I understood what her name was, and shook my head in acknowledgement as she walked from behind the counter and walked up a set of staris.

Soft whispers drifted down from upstaris and I could hear another girl, who seemed much younger than Sharifah, yelling at her. That pissed me off that she wasn’t being nice to the older woman. I sighed and turned toward the counter, where a dragon holding a golden ball in it’s mouth sat upon a elevated shelf. Next to sit hanging on a golden hook was a ribbon.

The ribbon was not on very flashy and it was black. The soft ligths of the store made the ribbon turn different hues of blue and purple. I wanted that ribbon, though it did look a bit too long. It seemed to be something to show my transition to Malaysia.

“Looking at the ribbon, my dear?”

I jumped at the sound of Sharifah’s voice and turned around quickly to look at her. She smiled and said “You were right?” I nodded my head, kind of cautious with the way she was staring at me. Sharifah walked down the staris and walked gracefully behind the counter, reaching over and getting down the ribbon for me to hold.

The texture was silky and cold when she laid it out on my hand, but when it made contact to my wrist it felt warm and began to tingle. She tied it around my wrist, tightening it gently and pulled away her hands quickly. She watched my face for a second, possibly noticing the unease I was feeling from the slight tingling.

“Are you lost?” “No.” I wasn’t sure if Sharifah was sane as I thought she was.

Sharifah’s face looked sad as she whispered to me “You have to be lost to be found.” She was creepy, and I didn’t feel like spending anymore time in the shop. I took money out of my pocket and was about to pay when she said “You don’t have to pay. It was made for you.”

Again with the crazy talk, I turned around and headed out of the store, feeling eyes burning on the back of scalp. I glanced behind me to look at the shop one more time but I noticed it was not there anymore.

I guess I went farther than I expected and turned to my right to look if the shop was on the opposite side. The shop wasn’t there, but a store that sold seeds and a book store were.

Sighing, I turned back into the crowd of people, pushing my way through and saw an opening, and took off down another street lined with shops. I turned around and tried to make an assessment of where I was. Theren was a store selling celephones and then there was a store that sold chickens and other small farm animals. I groaned at the smell as I ran back the way I came, looking for the shop once more.

I noticed an old woman sitting on a bench and asked her in Malayan “Where is a shop is called Lotus Leaf?” She glared at me and turned away went back to reading a newspaper. I glared back at the bitter woman and walked past her looking for another person to ask.

The fruit smoothie shop owner was outside and I walked up to him, smiling my most friendly smile. He smiled back and said “Hello” in English. I felt like God looked on me in a good light when he sent English speaking people my way. “Do you know a shop called Lotus Leaf?” He looked confused and shook his head saying, “I am sorry there is no store I know of with that name anymore.”

“Anymore?” “Yes, there use to be a shop with that name.” Astonished I said “What do you mean use to be?”

The man gave me a confused smile saying, “Didn’t you hear of the fire?” I shook my head and turned to look at the direction where I was sure the shop was. “The shop was burned down in a fire ten years ago.” I was so confused. I was just in that shop like five minutes before this!

He pointed down to my wrist and said “What did you do to yourself?” He frowned at me as I said “Nothing.” He lifted up my wrist, the one where the ribbon was, and there was an ugly burn mark in the imprint of ribbon, around my wrist. That was not there before this and I couldn’t really understand what happened.

“I am sorry. I have to go back to my apartment.” “What apartment?” “The Yun.”

He dropped my hand and said “You are a very strange girl.” He started to turn away from me and I grabbed his hand saying, “What are you talking about?” He sighed at me saying “I do not know American jokes but The Yun was condemed years ago. Before my father’s time.” The words he were saying in English but he very well could have been speaking Malayan since I still could not comprehend what he was saying.

“You are insane. My grandparents and I have stayed at The Yun apartment for two months now! The lady, the owner” it felt important to tell him “her name is Kojia!” I couldn’t help that I was screaming at him but I rather be angry than start falling into hysterics as I tended to do when I was upset. He sighed and turned away from me and began to walk away.

I looked around trying to find the apartment, which before I could always see looming over the market but I couldn’t find it. My heart started to beat and I was sure that if I didn’t sit down I would pass out. I sat walked a bit and found a bench to sit down. I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.

Okay three things I did know, I was alone in a Malayan market. I did not know where my grandparents were and I was lost.

Where am I?