- "if you don't drink on a saturday night, you got nothing to talk to jesus on sunday morning." - mike & molly
- "there's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it's not giving up. it's realizing that you don't need certain people and their crap."- RT @nguatura
- "art is anything you can get away with." - andy warhol
- "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
- "sex is not the answer. sex is the question. "yes" is the answer."
- "women might be able to fake orgasms. but men can fake a whole relationship."
- "the last thing I want to do is hurt you. but it's still on the list."
- "men have two emotions: hungry and horny. if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."
- "we never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."
- "my mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
- "having sex is like playing bridge. if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
- "the early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
- "fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity."
- "if God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
- "a bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it."
- "I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."
- "I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."
- "I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "guess" on it... so I said "implants?""
- "God must love stupid people. He made SO many."
- "never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose."
- "money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with."
- "worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen."
- "Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole."
- "I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
- "I like work. it fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours."
- "I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. after all, I'm a libra and she's a bitch."
- "you're never too old to learn something stupid."
apr 15 2011 ∞
may 26 2011 +