being hip and cool is not so much as a state of being as a state of accumulated interests acquired mainly as a signal to others that you, too, are cool and hip. none of these interests are more vital than music, and more importantly, knowing the RIGHT type of music. but indie is a daunting genre, so how do you know where to start? well, my children, don't you fret. i have all the answers for your unique indie starter pack needs! at the end of this simple quiz, you'll be left with ten certifiably hip bands tailored to your psychological profile. feel free to thank me later.

what existential fear haunts you most at 3 am?

  • A. the nonexistence of a benevolent god - brand new
  • B. the inevitability of your own mortality - lcd soundsystem
  • C. your innumerable inner demons, but you're used to it - interpol

which of these are you most afflicted by?

  • A. manic depression - st. vincent
  • B. severe depersonalization - radiohead
  • C. ennui - the national

how do you like your softcore homoerotic undertones?

  • A. filled with a sense of nostalgia and years of quietly simmering lust - frank ocean
  • B. with all the tenderness of a newborn lamb - sufjan stevens
  • C. at an all boys prep school, smoking weed on the roof with a friend you're slowly realizing you're in love with - vampire weekend

how often do you dissociate?

  • A. frequently, but you kinda like it - m83
  • B. constantly. it is the source of your power - grimes
  • C. you're dissociating right now - fka twigs

pick an illicit substance.

  • A. 420 blaze it - washed out
  • B. heroin, but only selling it - ryan adams
  • C. straight lsd - animal collective

you're at a party. how's your night going?

  • A. completely fucking trashed by 9 pm - japandroids
  • B. crying out your life story to a perfect stranger, comforted by the fact you will never see them again after you finally leave this town come morning - death cab for cutie
  • C. you're standing still in the middle of the dance floor, and the cross fade is hitting you hard. you're pretending to be interested in a girl you met, but you know in your heart all of this is just a shallow distraction. - the xx

what do you long for most?

  • A. to be slowly drowned in a pool of sweet, sweet synthesizer beats - wild nothing
  • B. a beautiful future that you feel perpetually on the precipice of, gripped by equal parts hope and nostalgia for a past that was never yours - broken social scene
  • C. due to the constant whirlpool of indistinguishable, volatile emotion that defines your waking existence, you aspire to one day feel "okay" - car seat headrest

can you physically suck your own dick?

  • A. you could if you wanted to, but it seems like a lot of work. - fleet foxes
  • B. absolutely. you were born with this skill. - father john misty
  • C. yes, after years of training, transcendental meditation, and truly believing in yourself. - of montreal

pick a high-brow academic interest.

  • A. intricate sociological analysis - the mountain goats
  • B. little-known historical facts - the decemberists
  • C. accumulating SAT words - los campesinos!

who hurt you?

  • A. the slow, steady passing of time as it dulls the ache of emotions that used to burn like wildfire - bon iver
  • B. unprecedented mainstream success - arcade fire
  • C. every girl you've ever made eye contact with. - bright eyes.
aug 24 2017 ∞
aug 24 2017 +