start date: 29/07/2021 | end date: 30/07/2021

summary: call me by your name is the story of a sudden and powerful romance that blossoms between an adolescent boy and a summer guest at his parents' cliff-side mansion on the italian riviera. unprepared for the consequences of their attraction, at first each feigns indifference. but during the restless summer weeks that follow, unrelenting buried currents of obsession and fear, fascination and desire, intensify their passion as they test the charged ground between them. what grows from the depths of their spirits is a romance of scarcely six weeks' duration and an experience that marks them for a lifetime. for what the two discover on the riviera and during a sultry evening in rome is the one thing both already fear they may never truly find again: total intimacy.

anecdote: i have absolutely memed the shit out of this franchise. initially i swore to myself that i would NEVER consume any piece of media pertaining to cmybn because i knew it was trash, but after watching 'midsommar' in lockdown last year, i said to myself "might as well." that was my first mistake. the second mistake i made was not watching the movie with any subtitles since most of it is not in english. also, timmy c fucks a peach, which then gave way to me saying "timothee chalamet, whats good?" and for anyone who knows my speech pattern, this is how "tim" has ended up in my vocabulary.

anyway, while playing video games i thought it would be good to listen to some audiobooks so i can consume some fiction while playing instead of listening to the same three songs on repeat. so, i played genshin while listening to armie hammer (who actually acts in the movie) read the book. and!! i hate it!!

memorable moments/notes: aside from some banger quotes -- this book, cmbyn, is a poor attempt at being profound. i did not like it. i enjoy flowery language to an extent, but this had too much purple prose and was too horny for my liking.

• [a quote i enjoyed] "which is when i decided to convey without budging, without moving a single muscle that i'd be willing to yield if you pushed, that i'd already yielded, was yours, all yours."
• [a quote i enjoyed] "getting all worked up myself over someone i've almost stopped thinking about, time makes us sentimental, or perhaps in the end its because of time, we suffer."
• [a quote i enjoyed] >"was i dreaming or were they serenading us?" >"no, they were serenading you."
• [a quote i enjoyed] "you are the only person i'd like to say goodbye to when i die, because only then will this think i call my life make any sense. and if i should hear you died, my life as i know it, the me who's speaking to you now, will cease to exist."
• [a quote i did not enjoy] "i rubbed my face with my palm and then licked his eyeballs."
• [a quote i did not enjoy] "last night i kissed his foot and sucked his toes."
• [a quote i did not enjoy] "touching the apricot was like touching him ... it would never had occurred to him that placing the apricot in my palm, he was giving me his ass to hold. or that biting the fruit, i was also biting into the part of his body that must have been fairer ... his cock, his apricock."
• i hate this book. you get lines like this: "you could find cupid anywhere in rome because we clipped one of his wings and he was forced to fly in circles", thats IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY: "we had never taken a shower together. we had never been in the same bathroom together. 'dont flush,' i said. 'i wanna look.' what i saw brought out a strains of compassion, for him, his body, for his life. he suddenly seemed so frail and vulnerable. 'our bodies won't have secrets now,' i said as i took my turn and sat down. he hopped into the bathtub and was just about to turn on the shower. 'i want you to see mine,' i said. he did more. he stepped out, and kissed me on the mouth and pressing and massaging my tummy. THEY WATCH EACH OTHER SHIT AND FOR WHAT?
• there's also a part where timmy c becomes a panty sniffer and wants to find a stray pube in the love interest's swim shorts. i hated having to listen to it

thoughts: i don't know if you can tell, but i hate this book ! it was just so fundamentally bad. it's just a gay book, written by "a straight man" (i only say this because i dont know if this man is closeted or not idk), for the gaze of people who objectify queer people. if anyone thinks cmbyn is a good book or movie, they are lying to themselves.

the first problem i have, is narration. cmbyn is a first person narrative written through the eyes of elio (17), who is lusting after oliver (24(?)) while he stays at their property for the summer. the entirety of this book (90%) of it, takes the span of like 6 weeks -- for four of which they dont even talk. timmy c's character is GROSSLY obsessed with this man, to the point where it gets uncomfortable. from the constant mention of feet, to the weird sexual tension, to more mentions of feet, to timmy c being so desperaltey gay and homophobic at the same time, to FEET, to alluding to fruit as sexual body parts, to fucking the fruit and referring to it as a rape victim??? there is so much to digest, but not enough time for me to talk about how much i HATED this book. if anything, i will give the narration points for accurately (i guess) portraying a love sick, obsessed teenager.

on god, why is there so much mentions of feet. from foot licking and toe sucking to like holding feet under the table and on the bed. why. and for what. i just want to know. why is there so much sexualisation of feet. and lets not forget about the part where they WATCH EACH OTHER SHIT????? WE CANNOT IGNORE THAT. just when i thought it couldnt get worse after elio FUCKING THE FRUIT AND OLIVER THEN EATING THE FRUIT, they have to top it off with oliver getting finger blasted on the balcony in room and then watching each other shit. i hate this book.

also the fucking 'call me by your name' during sex? ABSOLUTELY NOT! having to hear this man --armie hammer-- voice act his way through that sex scene is not something i can unhear. i was wildly uncomfortable the entire time. also i cannot imagine calling anyone by MY NAME during sex. not hot.

AND THERES A SEQUEL. i dont know if i hate myself enough to read it. but, we shall only see with time

would i reread this book?: yes, as a form of self harm

would i reread this book?: yes, as a form of self harm