"If we all had academic dicks, Shreya's would be bigger than mine! I had a huge dick when I did joint enrollment at ASU, but ever since I got here, it's like my dick just shrunk down to average." --Melissa

"This video is assuming I'm not a complete and total dumbass. It's making a big mistake." --Melissa

"But size would be a hindrance after a while, because no matter how deep a girl is, there's only so far a guy can go before it's like 'Hey, that's a cervix!'" --Me

"But your vagina would never snap back!" --Liz K.

"Like they said on an episode of Weeds: 'It would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.'" --Me

"I like classy broads." --Catherine

"She's got mudflap girls on her pants!" --Emily

"I thought when they were talking about socks that the guys were just looking for a place to hide them til later!" --Me

"I almost had a whole boner!" --John

"Catherine likes to get all dressed up to go to Waffle House. It's a very formal occasion for us. I'm even wearing shoes!" --Emily

Me: Why is it so hard to cut waffles with a spoon?! Melissa: I have chopsticks!

"God gave you 10 fingers for a reason." --Me and Jayde

"I am NOT a diva! -hair flip-" --John