"Back in my day, a good slut, like time, waited for no man... or school event." --Daddy

"And on top of that, an obscure sixties cover band might be playing there. I think I might shit a brick of happiness." --Catherine

"I wanna be homoflexible!" --Catherine

"'We're two members of the Badass Red Truck Club. Stay beautiful, Dakota.'" --Dakota reading her paper

"There's like an alpaca farm on every corner in Kentucky!" --Chelsea

"Blake, why would you want twins dipped in chocolate? You only have one dick!" --My

"You look like you just French-kissed a Smurf." --Blake to Mary

My: I think Blake has sexy legs. Me: Yeah, he does, but not in a dress!

"Our safrarority is gonna be named Mu Lambda Chi!" --Sydnee

"Sounds like you've been abusing that all-access pass, Ben." --Blake

"If you kill your roommate, you get a 4.0!" --Blake

"If you get hit by a Georgia bus, you get free tuition." --Chelsea

"What if we came back here one day and there were like... 4 or 5 zombie squirrels crawling on one arm like 'Help me, Taylor!'" --Ben

"This place just makes people break out in song!" --Ben referring to Snelling

"Is that a text message or are you just happy to see me?" --Taylor M.

"Did you just say 'bag of herpes'?" --Me

"I'm a Bible humper!" --Melissa M.

"I'm taking a picture of these bush panties for my friend." --Taylor M.

"So you plug this guy into that guy...." --Melissa M. telling me about her math professor

"Zombie Squirrel died on his back... like a whore." --Me

"-gasp- MASCOTS!" --Me

Me: ASSESSMENT! Melissa: -eyes wide- You said the forbidden word! Me: Yes, I did! Melissa: You'd better sleep with your eyes... SHIT!

"You don't think I'd make a fine SOROSTITUTE? #angrylesbianstereotype" --Catherine

"He's a FIGHTING COCK! That's all that needs to be said." --Me

"Our creeping bushes have been violated by some slut's panties." --Me

"OK, we have to sing and put our cell phones up for this next one!" --Me

"WAIT! I have to go back and take a picture for this one! It's TRADITION!" --Me

"I'm a bad gay." --John

Anything with beans....

"Oh my god! HOT GINGER!" --Me

"I like tampons." --Solomon

Emily: Can you imagine what the world would be like without tampons? John: BLOODY HELL!

"They were creating pun-demonium!" --Solomon

"I'm that hobo that walks the streets of Athens with a DVD player." --Me

"Scratch-n-sniff vagina." --Catherine

"We just got beaten by a group of people who collectively refer to themselves as the Fighting Cocks! And we took it laying down! Bad pun intended." --Me

Chelsea: This week is horrible! Ms. Young: Well, look at the calendar, cause it's gonna happen again in about a month. It usually happens like that... on a monthly cycle. Chelsea: Oh god! College has periods, too?

"I love Michael Buble! He's a Canadian sexpot." --Me

"I have come to the conclusion that if you melted down a bar of white chocolate and threw in a few nuts and somehow turned it into a sound, it would totally be Michael Bublé's voice." --Me

"The sketch-assness of that campus cannot possibly be overrated!" --Me

Me: Casey would EAT me! Andrew: Nah, he couldn't. He's too small!

"If dark chocolate was a sound, it would be his voice." --Me referring to Terrence

"I feel like Eminem's betrayed me." --Eric

"Debate turns people into chain smokers!" --Me

"I will kick you so hard it'll turn your balls into ovaries." --Me

If we don't improve US-Mexico relations, Mexican narco-terrorists will take over the Panama Canal, cut off 20% of our oil supply and start a nuclear war! --the Vanderbilt Argument

"You would be naked when I need you most!" --Me to Melissa M.

"I don't know why my farts don't stink anymore!" --Scott

"Give Joe dat good good!" --Jayde

"Spit, don't swallow! This is vital information for the rest of your life!" --Me

Andrew: Don't even think about it! Me: I can think whatever I want! Thinking isn't illegal yet!

Andrew: And she was like "Where's my hug?" And I didn't know what to say, so I hugged her awkwardly. Me: You should've told her "I left your hug in the car. You'll get it tomorrow before I leave."

Me: This is like 5 kinds of desperate. Jayde: Ass cheeks all out everywhere!

"Scott want dat booty!" --Me

"And it turned their shit blue!" --Jayde

"The towel was about an inch below my hip bones..." --Andrew

"Hey, I got away with that! I wouldn't do it again, especially when her parents are home. But I got away with that." --Andrew

"Your MOM is like warm apple pie!" --Me

"FRATSNAP!" --Catherine and John

Me: Just guard your nuts.... Andrew: Consider them guarded.

"And she was like 'I'M PANSEXUAL TOO!' It was awkward." --Nick

"She is the most oversexed virgin I've ever met." --Rachel

"I'll give it to you right now." --Me

"FIGHT! WIN! DRINK! DO IT AGAIN!" --GA Tech Fight Song

Me: I owe him big time for that. It was like reverse cockblocking. Nick: He jumped on the grenade for you there. Me: More like the barrel of an AK47.

Andrew: #1 Binge Drinking School meets the #1 Party School! Me: Together, we could have some alcoholic babies.

"This song will make you want to fuck somebody!" --Melissa

"My ghetto name is M-Cubed." --Melissa

"Why does the new Spiderman have Edward Cullen's hair?" --Aaron

"They're like intergalactic Edward Cullens." --Me referring to aliens

"I'm such a QUEEN!" --John