• "Do you know why the train has stopped?"

"No." "Do you think the driver would tell us if we went and asked him?" "No. I think he'd say: Get the FUCK out of my cab, YOU need to go home."

• "I'm on a bus! I don't know where I am!"
• "Total non-property ownership in action: Phil doesn't OWN a toaster."
• "Why haven't I got any soup?"

"What soup?" "What?" "What!"

• "There's a pecking order at work here. Pat asks Tom. Tom asks Rupert. Rupert asks..."

"Actually, what does Rupert ask?" "Algae". "Algernon"

• "It does exactly what it says on the Fin."
• "How dare you say that about Pat's music taste!"

"Nice tits." "Nice muff."

• "Why does green paper burn green?"

"Because it's green." "So why doesn't black paper burn black?" "It does."

• "Rupert is our Sugar Daddy"

"Sugoddardio"

• "I cannot believe that none of you managed to take the A60, even though I expressly stated this road should be taken"

"You didn't actually say that though did you" "Yes I fucking did" "Shut it, Mappy"

• "ok look, I'll make a deal with you, if we see a strip joint on the way back to the hotel then we'll go in"

" there's one!" "bugger"