• Brb, calling the cops on yo ass. (But not just any kind of cops. I’m calling stripper cops. Because they won’t take you downtown, they’ll take you ~downtown~ if y’know what m’sayin)
• (405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
• (260): Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

(661): Truer words have never been spoken.

• (773): Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
• (479): there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
• (905): i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself