so, when i was in third grade, around eight years old, i found out that my dad was addicted to alchohol and cocaine. at the time it didnt really register, but i still understood. my dad had been gone for probably about a day and a half, and i went with my mom to pick him up. he was walking in a random parking lot, and when he got in the car my mom said "i shouldve just made you walk." when i got home i asked him what was wrong and he told me he was just sad. so i started crying and asked mom why he was sad and why she told him she shouldve let him walk home. she tried to avoid it by saying it was a pretty day and he should walk to enjoy it. when i didnt beleive her, she told me the truth. for about three or four years, dad would randomly leave for a while, sometimes days at a time. he mostly took his work van, which when he got back, he'd get fired for. because of his work firing him all the time, and spending bill money on drugs, money for us was always really tight. at some points he took my brothers gamecube and the television from my room, plus some money from either me, my brother, or the money for bills, most of his paycheck. in a way, it made me and my dad's relationship stronger. id always try to be the one to cheer him up whenever he got back 'going out', as we called it. my parents finally got divorced when i was in sixth grade. overall, i was glad it was happening. things happen for a reason, and it needed to happen. my dad's still addicted, but hes doing better. hes a happier person, and even now im still always there for him. plus he seems to leave a little less often. [edited august 16, 2009] me and my dad was never really open about him doing drugs. for the first time about a week ago, we talked about all the questions i had for him. when i went to visit him for a week, he left twice. i asked him what made him want to leave: he started by saying i was never the reason, and neither was my brother. [so dont ever blame yourself for anyone you know using drugs, its not your fault.] it was a different thing every time, and he wouldnt leave just because he was sad. he didnt even know why he would leave. the first time he left while i was down there, he was at the store and ran into an old friend who invited him over for a beer. he said yes, and drank too much. feeling ashamed, he parked his car by a lake near our house and slept there that night; he said he was feeling sorry for himself, was ashamed, and didnt want to come home. i asked him what it was like when he decided to leave: ever since i found out about him being an alchoholic and a drug addict, this question has bugged me. i never wanted to ask him anything about his addictions because i was afraid it would upset him, he'd leave, and itd be my fault. i asked if he decided 'i can do a little, and ill come right home', or if instead of turning to go home, he kept going to where he knew he'd get drugs, like it was planned. he told me he never planned on leaving, it just happened. he never decided to keep driving and get high or drink. it was all like a dream, and he either didnt notice it was happening, or it was like a blurry daze. dont ever ever ever ever ever ever ever think 'my mom/dad/ etc doesnt care if they hurt me. they want drugs so bad, they dont care if im worried, theyll leave anyway. dont ever think that. i wont lie, ive thought that before too. which is exactly the reason why you need to talk to your dad or whoever it is. they care about you so much, and if they could help it, they wouldnt be doing any of this. addiction is in the mind and the body. withdrawels dont only put you through serious mental stress, but also damages your body. some addicts having withdrawels throw up, get a fever, etc about rehab: rehab isnt for everyone. its not a magic miracle program where if you go in, youre guaenteed to be clean, and if you dont get clean, you didnt try. thats not how it works. sometimes getting through it on your own, with help from family and friends, has a better sucess rate than rehab, alcoholics anyonymous meetings, etc. but whether they go to rehab or not, no one can get over an addiction alone. dont give up on someone. my dad's been addicted for over fifteen years, and he's just now making noticeable improvements. and i know its frusterating. ive given up on my dad before, but now i know you cant do that. if a person doesnt have people that care about them trying to get them to stop, then whats the use in even trying to stop? always remember: every addict is different. some addicts, like my dad, have to hit rock bottom before they make improvements. it takes losing everything to really try theyre hardest. and even when theyve been clean and sober for years now, the temptation is still there. never stop telling them youre proud of their improvements, and never stop being there for them. "God sends men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them." [/edit over] this isnt a way to get your pity. this is the reason why i want to help people so much. growing up the way i did, i understand really well what people go through. even if it doesnt have anything to do with drugs, alchohol, or the stress of money always being really tight. whether youre my best friend or a complete stranger, i wouldnt mind at all if you called me at four in the morning needing to yell at someone because youre having the worst week ever. i know this is a lot more common among families than i can think of. everyone i talk to has a drug addict or an alchoholic in the family, and when its a parent its especially hard. so if you or your friend is going through that, or anything in general and need someone to listen, call me up. i take secrets to the grave, im not the kind of person to spill your personal business all over the place.

• say it aint so, weezer

Oh yeah. All right. Somebody's Heine' is crowdin' my icebox Somebody's cold one is givin' me chills Guess I'll just close my eyes Oh yeah Alright Feels good Inside Flip on the tele' Wrestle with Jimmy Something is bubbling Behind my back The bottle is ready to blow Say it ain't so Your drug is a heartbreaker Say it ain't so My love is a lifetaker I can't confront you I never could do That which might hurt you So try and be cool When I say This way is a waterslide away from me that takes you further every day (hey) So be cool Say it ain't so Your drug is a heartbreaker Say it ain't so My love is a lifetaker Dear Daddy, I write you in spite of years of silence. You've cleaned up, found Jesus, things are good or so I hear. This bottle of Steven's awakens ancient feelings. Like father, stepfather, the son is drowning in the flood Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Say it ain't so Your drug is a heartbreaker Say it ain't so My love is a lifetaker