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"I love lists. Always have. When I was 14,
I wrote down every dirty word I knew on file
cards and placed them in alphabetical order.
I have a thing about about collections, and
a list is a collection without purchase."

just a girl television (watching in 2020)
movies (seen in 2020)
television (watched in 2020)
about me (hello, i'm annie)
Joanne to do (Life To-Do List)
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  • Re-living highschool, year by brutal year. It's always a traumatic dream, mostly because I am just so utterly lost in it. I am in a state of pure panic and confusion because I can't for the life of me remember where any of my classes are or what time I even need to be in each one of them, I don't remember my locker combination, I don't know how to find any familiar faces whatsoever that could be of any comfort to me, I don't know how I'm going to get home or even where I really am, etc. Worst of all though, when I return to highschool in these dreams, it is as if I have been absent ever since I graduated highschool in real life (2009)... so, it's as if I've been absent for 5 whole fucking years basically... and I'm freaking the HELL out in these dreams because I don't know how on earth I'm ever going to catch up on 5 years worth of lost school. It's the most intensely overwhelming sensation imaginable.
  • My mother and/or sister taunting me whilst also attempting to murder me. They typically go after me with knives, and there is always a long, horrific chase involved as I desperately try to seek shelter some place safe. My mother successfully detonated a bomb in one of these dreams: in my house; killing herself, me, and my father in the process (she said, with a crazed look in her eyes, that she just "had to do it"). It is the only dream I have ever died in, and I woke up upon the exact moment of death (I was halfway down my stairs running towards the front door when it went off).
  • Tyrannosaurus rexes stalking and pursuing me ruthlessly. It's an endless, torturous hunt. I most often try to escape by climbing to the tops of unimaginabley tall trees, where the vile beasts jump up at me and try to get me as the trees sway violently from side to side. There are no words in the human language to describe how utterly terrifying these carnivorous creatures are in these dreams... seriously imagine a real T-Rex, and then amplify every single last horrifying characteristic about it by about 1,000,000,000,000.
  • Inescapable tornadoes. I usually find myself on foot outside someplace when one touches down, often near random houses of stranger's; I pound on their doors until one of them finally lets me in at the last minute and grants me access to some shallow / frail basemet shelter. A lot of other times I am in a moving vehicle as the tornado(s) touch down - it always catches up to us and throws us wildly into the air, sprawling us across land, industrial wreckage, and assorted debris. Sometimes I am trapped in a giant, glass, nearly hollow skyscraper with several people as the tornado approaches, shattering a downpour of glass that seems to come down on us for literally eons and eons on end.
  • Losing my dog somehow. Doesn't matter how - it's always equally as traumatic.
  • Demonic forces that present themselves in a DIVERSE magnitude of ways. They often spill down from the sky, cloaking and enrapturing every single good thing on earth and turning each of these things into pure evil and pure suffering. A wind gust to someone's face, for example, will perhaps dissolve and burn their flesh away, slowly, just as scalding acid would - the person writhes in pain as their skin bubbles and pops and drips and oozes, until their appearance is no longer that of a human but that of a demon. As I witness the brutally dark chaos all around me, 360°, I am cursed with destructive-vision, meaning that every single thing that I lay eyes upon immediately turns into some form of destruction: if I look up at a plane, it immediately crashes... if I look at a car on the road, it bursts into flames and races towards me, out of control... if I look at one of the many cloaked skeletons walking about, their attention and their mission to grasp my soul's every last fiber is instantly upon me. There is no escape, and there is no death (because death WOULD be escape). In these demonic dreams, the definition of "hell" and the EPIC spectrum of possible interpretations of what "hell" might be like is forced upon my mind to experience in full. I've been trapped in some of these permanently-scarring dimensions for eternities on end before. After waking, I remain shaken to my fucking core for weeks and weeks without suffice until the trauma often results in genuine panic attacks and/or mental breakdowns. I will never forget these places. Ever.
apr 2 2013 ∞
mar 2 2018 +