Personal

• How are you? I've been a little down and out lately, but right now I am creating a listography, so that makes everything peachy, doesn't it?
• Post a picture of yourself. This question sounds like a 12 yr. old pervert leaving an anon on tumblr, so naturally I love it. Here is a link to my beautiful facade.
• Do you ever wish you were someone else? Only silly imbeciles wish for a life they do not lead, for if one can gather his/her mind, one would understand that the trial and affinity of his/her life is what makes him/her beautiful and a contribution. There is no one else his/her mind could be. It is his/her mind. It is exclusive and beautiful no matter how wretched.
• What is your entire name? Anna Marie Cecelia "Bean" Cutaia.
• How old are you? I am 18 years young and that's depressing.
• Age you get mistaken for: 12,13,14,15. No one ever guesses I am older than fifteen, which apparently is a "blessing" but feels more like a curse at the moment. (Not like I'm undeveloped or anything either... it's my face.)
• Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: I am a Pisces and I feel like I fit the bill pretty well. Pisces are genuine, empathetic, sensitive, dramatic, spiritual, emotional and expressive in the highest degrees. They are compassionate, nurturing, sometimes vain, sometimes a complete contradiction. They are incited to tears often and are prone to addiction, sadness and are washed away by a sense of disconnection. They are dreamers but hopeless ones, and as romantic partners, the most passionate, but also the most needy. That's pretty much my core.
• What did you do on your last birthday? I had my two best friends with me and we ate a cake I didn't like all too much.
• What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? I would like to dye my hair again sometime this year.
• What is your hair color? Weird that this started getting hair-oriented at this particular moment... but it is dark brown, almost a deep cacao color.
• Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes. I like to make it as dark as possible to reflect my taste in film.
• What is your eye color? Just a plain browned-eyed girl.
• If you could change your eye color, would you? I absolutely would. I think brown to be a beautiful Earth tone but not for the eyes! I would want them green so I could be beautiful.
• Do you wear contacts/glasses? No, but my vision is declining and I'm afraid I'll have to.
• Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it: I don't really feel positively or negatively about it. I am not a thin rod, and I am comfortable with that and my weight. I don't mind having curves to me and pudginess. I think my face is a little weird but overall, interesting- something that doesn't look like other faces, which must be good. I don't like my height, though. It bothers me I can't revel in the long-legged world. But hey, dem breasts. It's all good.
• Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? I have considered it but would never resort to such unnatural measures just to fulfill an obsessive wish. (The most wonderful part of my body could still manage to be bigger---- the both of them.)
• Say 8 facts about your body: I have child-bearing hips, my elbows are real-life daggers, my eyes are shaped like almonds, my hair is thick, my forehead is minuscule, I have olive skin, I weigh 117 lbs and my measurements are 34-27-34.
• Do you have any tattoos? No, but in the future if I can get over the fear of needles, I would love to have a significant and representative one in a reclusive area.
• Do you have any piercings? No. If I can get over it, I'd like to have my ears re-pierced (they've closed) but I am too much of a baby and a fool for that.
• Left or right handed? Dominant hand is the right hand. Predictable.
• What’s your sexual orientation? Pan all the way.But I'm not going to get into the details of explaining my beliefs. I'll spare you a rant.
• Do you drink? No. I find alcohol to be complete drudgery, and it takes like piss.
• Do you smoke? No. But that's sexy and I'd do it for the sake of glamour. (At least I am honest.)
• Do you have any pets? Yes. I have two cats who are anti-social but wonderful little bean cats, and a pet alien named POU and he's so sweet and loves to eat cake.
• Where do you work? I babysit and that is why I hold misery in my heart.
• Something you are working on right now: I want to work on my novel "Aria" but it takes special dedication and I'm not that kind of "perseverance" personality type.
• Do you have any “rules” about food? Yes! It can't come from the sea.
• Where are you from? I am from New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of.
• What would you say is your best quality? My diction is pretty hot.
• What do you think you’re really good at? Composing sentences, and being honest.
• What do you think you’re really bad at? Lying, solving mathematical equations, remaining positive.
• What talent do you wish you’d been born with? The ability to art! I would love to be able to whip up some amazing drawings but I'm not hand-eye-coordinated enough.
• Are you a bad person? No.Unless your standards are reversed, then I am the definition of the goody-two-shoes daughter.
• Are you nice to everyone? I used to be but then I discovered rejection.
• Say 3 facts about your personality: I am sensitive, outspoken and eccentric.
• Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Sure they have. I'm not immune to life or anything.
• What is your ideal bed? Why? A canopy bed because I am a child, I love privacy and I love to pretend I am a vintage princess.
• Did you wake up cranky? I did.
• Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? Aw, my Sons of Animal Mother group!!!! They are my best friends. I always, no matter what, sleep with my two specials though. Those are Andrew and Monoculus.
• What do you think about the most?
• Share 2 habits: I scrunch soft materials and I bite my lip.
• What you want to be when you “get older”? A mother/teacher.
• What are your career goals? I want to inspire that one kid, girl or boy, who loves writing and is special, real special. I don't care if they let me know I am inspiring them or not, but I want to say things that expand them, and make them think, and turn their pages, and that is what will make me living.
• What is your ideal career? Stay-at-home mama wolf.
• Is your life anything like it was two years ago? It's a bit different- as in, WHEN did this plot twist happen?!
• Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the way up through meta-cognition. That's how I roll.
• Have you ever had an imaginary friend? Yes. When I was younger, I had something like 12!
• Say 10 facts about your room: It is supposed to resemble the ocean, it has many edges and slants, it has many posters, it has wooden floors, it hosts a queen sized bed from Sweden, it does not have enough closet space to contain my clothing hoard, it is generally messy and disorganized, it smells of laundry and I never turn the TV on when I am alone.
• Do you have any phobias? Scary dark.
• Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? No.
• Are you allergic to anything? If so, what? Yes, apple juice. And cats and dogs and furry things. Ragweed, too.
• Ever broken any bones? Knock on wood, no.
• Ever come close to death? Yes, a few times. Some of which were experimentation and escapism, some of which were the hands of God.
• Things you like and dislike about yourself: It'd be easiest just to say "everything" for the both.
• A random fact about yourself: I love vanilla.
• What are three things most people don’t know about you? My former home life, my psyche and I have a serious teacher fetish that needs to stop.
• An unknown fact about your life: Nothing is unknown.
• Share something about yourself others might think is weird: I cry into the mirror so I can see myself cry.
• Five weird things that you like: ezra, serge, boy teachers, murderers and baby dolls.
• Do you have a Facebook? I do have a Facebook
• Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Of course. I live to take pictures and bombard people with them.
• Describe yourself in one word/sentence: Petrichor.
• A quote you try to live by: Your shoes may be worn, your house may be empty, but your mind is a palace.
• Leave me a compliment: No.
• ************************************************

Favorites

• What is your favorite thing to do? Probably buy clothes, but also snuggle, but also watch horror.
• What’s your favorite color? I am a fan of the kind of blue that makes you warm when you dive into it.
• What’s your favorite band/singer? Right now I am really into- RHYE, PURITY RING, DEVENDRA BANHART && MINIATURE TIGERS.
• What’s your favorite movie? We Need to Talk About Kevin/ Let the Right One In.
• What are your favorite books? Lolita, the Bell Jar, Looking for Alaska, the Great Gatsby, Man's Search for Meaning.
• What is your favorite quote and why? "Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences" by Sylvia Plath, because it is true.
• What is your favorite word? Petrichor.
• What is your least favorite word? I don't really despise language--- ever.
• What is your favorite type of food? Italian or Mexican.
• You favorite ice cream? Home-made vanilla.
• Dogs or cats? Cats are less scary.
• Describe your favourite texture: Skin. Just skin.
• What is your favorite flower? Daffodil for my birthday month.
• What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex? I just like twilight woods and axe.
• What is your favorite season? Autumn because it's poet season.
• What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? Russia, Ireland, Spain, back to Italy, South Africa.
• What are four things you can’t live without and why? Boyfriend, laptop, heart and lungs. Self-explanatory.
• Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? An elf because come on, look. I live the pretentious elf life.
• What’s your favorite television show? America's Most Smartest Model, the Bates Motel, the Following, Lie to Me.
• Favorite place to shop at? Forever21 && thrift stores.
• Say 2 facts about your favorite things:free and loved.

Music, movies and books

• How often do you listen to music? Sometimes I go weeks without listening to it for pleasure besides briefly on the radio in someone's car or something, but other times I spend hours listening, and I do this in succession for weeks.
• What kind of music you like? The kind that makes you weep or feel real heavy in the shoulders. I'm a folk kind of girl because I like grit, keeping it real, stomping my feet, singing along. But I'm an Indie girl, too, because it's so lovely to whine and cry and lay in a pile of embedded pillows hoping for misery to forever make love to you, isn't it? I like Indie pop so I can go boppin' and I like world music, from different tongues and cultures, because it has a distinct taste for each tongue that is refreshing, and expansive.
• Do you like to dance? I like to dance all alone and bop' till' I drop.
• What was the first concert/show you attended? I think the first "large-scale" concert I attended was an American Idol concert, actually. But before I had that experience, I had been exposed to ballet shows in NYC and Broadway shows, one being the Lion King.
• Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Today I haven't really listened to any songs, unfortunately.
• Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past: Whenever I listen to Amsterdam by Coldplay, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. It transports to the places deep and dark within me that I have worked so hard to repress, and elicits a feeling of the struggle I had then during those times, and helps me to appreciate the help and effort of those, almost entirely my boyfriend and sister, in fetching me out of such a time. The song means a lot to me. I grew up listening to Coldplay (his old junk) with my father. And the song in particular is just so raw and intense, in a gentle, gentle way, which is what I think of when I think of my fragile past.
• A song that’s been stuck in your head: NEVER SEEN SUCH GOOD THINGS by DEVENDRA BANHART because it seems as if my life is an eternal complication of good things gone wrong. And wrong things gone worse.
• Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:

1-Dark Doo Wop by MS MR2-Ein neuer Tag by Juli3-Starring Role by Marina & the Diamonds4-Happiness by Goldfrapp5-If you want me by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova6-La distrazione by Negramaro7- What the water gave me by Florence and the Machine8-My Manic and I by Laura Marling9- Verse by Rhye10-Cool as a fire by Chairlift Nice diversity there.

• A book you want to read/have recently read: I recently read Heart of Darkness and ever since, my soul has not been able to crawl out of the caverns of the Belgian Congo. I've gotten down on all fours and screamed and shouted until my hair fell out but Joseph Conrad still tortures me with the dense thicket of the African rain.
• Describe your dream library: Grandeur--- think of the Bauldelaire library. Such peace as that. With no trace of modernity or any classic of modernity with the exception of J.K. Rowling & John Green.
• Last movie you just watched: Psycho, 90s remix. Laughable.
• Do you like watching what type of movies? Horror films. Make me cry, make me laugh, give me blood, guts and romance, baby!

Situations and crazy things

• You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? Something small, as is only fitting, and word-oriented, as is also fitting. I think it would be sweet to get numbers along my side, as if a bar code almost, of the birthdays of my children, husband and myself. I'd like the font to be fashioned like an old typewriter, and for the print to be very small, almost unnoticeable, in a straight line on the small middle of the side.
• What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for? Honestly, some kind of Bonnie and Clyde endeavor, because I find the "murmance" thing mystifying and sexy, and have a bit of a niche in the antisocial field. (I can be empathetic as day but who knows what would happen as a mob wife or some sort of Lightman-defying,red dress, jet black haired, Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie.
• If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? The character with the best fit credentials for a bittersweet statement. I'd choose, then, to be Daisy Buchanan, because she's a fool, naive, delicate, beautiful and selfish in all the most womanly ways. She has everything at the flick of her fingers and can move men to kiss her thighs or punch her face, all with one sweet, green-eyed petaled kiss from her yellow, yellow hair.
• You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to? If I can't keep it for myself it would be almost too selfish and abstract to give it to my boyfriend, or our future family, so I think it would best to alleviate some charity of some sort.
• If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? The entire course of everything would be altered. A small readjustment can shift the entire worlds' ending... let's be real. I keep with the past.
• If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why? I would be uranium because I'm a bombshell. Get it, get it? Maybe today's not the best day for making bomb references though. So instead I will pick silver because silver is cute.
• If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Probably 11th grade.
• You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy? My weapon of choice is an RPG because I like the big booms and my line would be "SOVIET!!!"
• If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like? It would be a rollercoaster into Andre Birleanu's pants. Super sneaky, super duper sneaky.
• What is the first curse word that comes to mind? Fuck. Might as well go for the big time.
• What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be… You know, it's a little strange to say, but I can't remember.
• Halloween costume idea? Bonnie & Clyde!!!
• What are you supposed to be doing right now? I am supposed to be reading the first chapter of the Scarlet Letter and outlining a chapter in psychology, but it's been a long day.
• Currently wanting to see anyone? Yes, my Johno.
• Why you follow me? I don't follow you, or anyone, but myself, dude.

Opinions and beliefs

• Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now? As an opportunist, and a realist, I'd like to tell you that it's both, and I'm going to go ahead and drink it, despite my belief as to its numerical contents.
• Do you believe in fate/destiny? I believe in a balance between free will and fate. Oftentimes, my idealistic nature tends to swerve towards the opinion of fate. It sounds so glamorous. Predestination would mean everything has a reason, which I'm sure it does, but not so much as to embellish as to "be." I like to think, with only some in credulousness, that there are some matters and paths in life that exist as unwavering, decided discourses. But I think we get to choose our ending. I think we are thrown things and have the will to do them right, wrong or reversely. We structure our fate. We marry it. We, ultimately, succumb to it in the ways and facades in which we want to illuminate it.
• What you wish for on 11:11? Tacos.
• Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? I consider no luck to be realized or measured, and I can't cite any examples of luck, since it seems as if everything in my life has had an almost unfortunate undertone. My soul likes to work against the easiness of life, and nothing is handed, only drizzled to me. I try to bear that nicely, but sometimes having such "bad luck" gets to me, how shall I say it---- exhausting to the point of despair.
• Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? Who am I to make any judgments about the unknown? I should be of concern of more Earthly things that that. I can't say there are and aren't any of which I have no idea, but by imaginative belief, I would never deny the potential for life not so much as little green men to be walking out in the depths of darkness---- something very well may be there.
• What is your religion, if any? I am a bundle of borrowed ideas, but am constructed on Judaic-Christian values. I am mostly deist, as in I believe in a creating being, but not an intervening being. I feel strongly that there must be something Higher, but I can't tell you what; none of us can. The best I can do is say it is a beautiful mystery but one that does not speak to us. I speak of love and nature and mystery and sold my heart to goodness in whatever its ultimate.
• Would you go against your moral code for money? I don't give a rat's ass about money and materialism because I constructed of memories. Memories are my money. You can't buy those or trade them, and they never would beg your morality gone.
• What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind? Strength of the mind. To be educated is to be fulfilled in salvation and hope and it is all I ever really desired of myself- to have a strong, independent and flowing mind.
• How important you think education is? The most important. It is key to all of the understanding of ourselves. It is key to eradication of ignorance. It preserves and projects us to centuries forward and backward, and is our only inalienable, untouchable cream of the crop by which we can never ignite, lose or give up. It is our beauty and our capability.
• If you were the president, what would you do? I would never allow myself to be president. I have a heart that melts- and a diplomat sometimes needs more fire and brimstone than that.
• If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? I think I would simply abstain us from ignorance. We fall prey to misunderstanding, battery and war because of it.
• Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial? The thought is the preceding importance but the action is the evidence.
• If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Weep because I'm a morbid, terrible soul who could never survive a day awaiting to be departed from her lover and her future she never tasted.
• Which movie character do you most identify with and why? Matilda because Matilda. But more seriously, I haven't seen a character in film that I've been so definitely likened to. And I hope I never find one, because though characters are mirrors to versions of self, I wish my self to be solitary.

Feelings and Others

• Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? Procrastinating is my great happiness. I love the pressure of endings and beginnings, and the glory of crammed work. Stress is pleasure. But sometimes, when the mood strikes me, I take a productive, early turn.
• Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance: With salty fingers from the sea, he begged of a moment, to kiss the tips, and hold them there with his. That was for not letting go, I thought, and for keeping together. And together ever since. [A simple one and event.]
• Say 5 things you love unconditionally: My Intended, Russians, literature, women's figures and food.
• What motivates you in life? I am motivated by my unborn children and my love for my Intended, my family and my maternity.
• Something that you’re proud of: I am the Brown Book Award winner.
• Five words/phrases that make you laugh: I laugh when John does silly things with me and that is that.
• Share the story of something that makes you smile: It's universal though, to smile, at that moment when you and another are too hysterical to speak [in either sense is beautiful.]
• Something you always think “what if…” about: What if he won't always favor me?
• What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that? Strawberries. They were the best of succulent fruits until little white worms grew out of them.
• Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life: I am not an awkward person. Everything is universally felt.
• Something/someone that you miss: I miss the shores of Italy.
• Are you over your past? Oh, goodness, I am conditioned to remember it. There is nothing that haunts so sulkingly. I cannot let it stop gnawing at me and it erases moments and tricks me into believing that present is less perfect.
• What is your saddest memory? Feeling as if I was a body not so beautiful, not so loved, not so, when all of it flung itself outwards, in all respects, towards that bumbling eternity of passion and love, to never be reversed.
• Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yes.
• What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? Oh, I don't get embarrassed...
• What was your most embarrassing moment? I sneezed boogies on JohnJohn's head.
• Share one of your fears/insecurities: I fear I am not sexy enough. [Every woman's fear.]
• Something you’re currently worrying about: Where am I going to school?
• Have you done something you regret very much? Regrets are bad for the head.
• If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be? I don't know. I say what I mean or oftentimes wish to inflict.
• Does anyone hate you? I hope not, my lovely.
• Do you hate anyone? Hate is foul but it lingers in the bottom of me.
• Are you good at hiding your feelings? Not hardly at all. I am an open book.
• What’s something you hide about your personality? Nothing! I am such a real child that oftentimes people are scared to come face to face with such blunt, edged, independence.
• How do you approach social situations? With fear and incomprehension, but encompassing love.
• Are you a social or an antisocial person? I am a mixture of both---which just highlights the probability of a certain "inheritance" if you will.
• Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I am also both. I love to be in my own head, but I love to share that head, selectively, or largely, or who knows.
• Do you care if people talk badly about you? Yes, only because I wish to be virtue manifest, and ultimately, loved.
• How do you deal with criticism? Defensively but understandingly. If I am right, you will SEE how I am right. If I am wrong, I shall express my hurt, defense, valediction but then, alas, admit to the wrongs and strive to improve the wrongs, eliminate them in the future.
• How you hope your future will be like? Simply happy and full of love.
• What’s something that scares you about the future? It is sometimes changeable.
• Five items you lust after: books, clothes, Russians, soaps, food, lipsticks.
• One thing you’re excited for: Baby-making (but also dreadfully afraid.)
• Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: THAT WOULD TAKE FOREVER! NO! I've had some of the most grotesque dreams imaginable.
• Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? In theory but not practice, no.
• Who is your celebrity crush? ANDRE BIRLEANU, my BABY. And Ezra and Devendra, eternally.
• Make a confession: I can fart now. Like, I really can. I do it all the time. Good.