• Think back to how your life was twelve months ago. Do you think you were happier then, or are you happier now? Why?

This year has surely been one of the most changed in my life and teemed with self-prophecy. I lost more than I think I've ever lost in a single period before, and my mental health was severely affected. It put me in an odd place where for the first time in my life I had to accept help for myself, because I was too ill even for my liking. Having plunged to the bottom, I guess you'd expect I was happier a year ago, when my parents were still together, when I had a steady and stable boyfriend, was still repressed, my sister was well, my body was well, my mind was well, etc. But I do not think so. I think I may have been so extremely unhappy and afraid, then, that all these things would collapse, and that I wouldn't be able to handle it- that my illusion would break. But now I know those losses- they have become real, and I've survived them. Through them I've gained understanding and grace. I don't have to be as afraid now. I am more actively confronting and engaging with my errors, and I am working every day to be persistent, to manage good grades, to learn, wildly, to pursue my craft, my career and my unbridled passion for romance. In short: I am working very hard towards happiness now, and I don't think I was so pursuant a year ago.I was caged in by fear and false security- I remember how to fend again.

• Can you tell me where each of these people are, and what they’re doing? If you’re not sure, take an educated guess. Your mother, your father, your sibling(s), your best friend(s), your ex.

My ma is in the shoddy apartment, likely asleep with her new boyfriend. Sometimes she stays up later, though, so she may be doing the dirty on their floor mattress. My father is definitely asleep downstairs in his room--- he has to wake up at 3 AM to travel to his construction site. My sister is probably just now getting to bed (it's 12 AM) in my old bedroom, after having watched a K-drama, perhaps. My female best friend is in Florence, Italy! It's 6 in the morning there, so I'm gathering she's sound asleep on the doubled twin. My male best friend is likely in his basement (that's where he likes to relax) in front of the TV, and he's a bit panicky right now because he has to make some big life decisions. My ex-boyfriend is likely, although I cannot say for sure, in his big fluffy bed at home--- when we were dating, he'd definitely be asleep by now, but I think he may stay up later talking to friends now he is less introverted.

• How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed?

Stronger than I'd like to think about sometimes and can't stop myself from thinking about other times.

• When you were disobedient or you misbehaved as a child, how did your parents usually punish you?

My dad was actually very punitive when I was a child. I remember being whipped by the belt, as well as being sent to time-out, losing my dinner privileges and having playthings taken away from me. My ma was a huge fan of the "light arm smack" and there were usually screaming matches.

• Do you prefer summer or winter? Why?

I definitely prefer summer. I really enjoy the warmth of it, and it feels very open, whereas winter feels closed, stuffy and locked in. Winter depresses me because it marks the end of my favorite season (fall). I very much like the fall, but never where it lands... in all things in life.

• If you could live the past three months all over again, is there anything you’d change?

I don't like questions like this because I do not believe in taking things back--- very suspicious of the butterfly effect, and also feel really locked into faith/fate. So no, there would be nothing I would have changed.

• List the names of the last twelve people who messaged you.

Okay: Fernando, Ivy, Paisley, Erika (sister), Jaymarie, Diane (ma), Mike (dad), Kaitlin, Holly, Tom, Eleanor (grandma) and Joseph (cousin).

• Do you know why the first’s last relationship ended?

Considering it was with me, I would hope so. Technically, we used titles (boyfriend/girlfriend) for a short period of time, but have been pursuing an open semi-romantic affair since. The titles were removed because there were conflicts on his behalf, they felt too concrete, maybe even a little scary (his first relationship) and he finds it troubling to commit. Presently, I have no objections. I find it less confining.

• What is the second’s ex called? What is your honest opinion of that person?

No "legitimate" ex-boyfriend, but a recent ex-lover (?), who I honestly find very unattractive--- but is mildly charming, and I'd probably appreciate much more if he didn't wear a sort of mask, or so it seems. Intriguing person though.

• Do you think the third would be a good boyfriend/girlfriend? Why/why not?

I think that'd be a a heavy-duty job.

• Do you have the fourth’s phone number?

Yes, for she is my younger sister.

• Do you think the fifth would cheat on his/her partner?

Very unlikely. She's never had a steady, and she has very strict standards of morality I assume she'd uphold.

• What if you woke up one morning and found the sixth lying in bed next to you?

I'd most definitely be freaked out if my mom was besides me. I'd have a lot of questions, and I'd be extremely uncomfortable.

• Is there anything you dislike about the seventh?

My father can be rigid in his worldview. I find that the most bothersome.

• What’s your favourite memory of the eighth?

I have very many memories with Kaitlin, but I think our best memories really were when we used to do the fake TV show--- it was always a blast, and we were so strange and creative. We had a limitless imagination, and there's a strange sort of bonding in playing with it unbarred. It can't be matched by anyone else, and I think that's what has survived us through our differences.

• What is the ninth’s significant other called? Have you ever met them?

No significant other.

• Tell me about the last conversation you had with the tenth.

We were discussing white privilege and ways to educate resistant populations on police brutality--- an exchange of articles ensued.

• The eleventh tells you they love you. You say…?

I love you too, my angelic grandmother!

• What is your earliest memory of the twelfth?

I'm really not sure... he is kind of the cousin I never noticed until my young adulthood. I think he might have lived someplace else.

• Someone tells you that the person you love/like isn’t good enough for you. You say…?

That I'm not measuring how good they are for me- I am measuring how good I can be to them. That if I love them, there must be powerful reasons to, and I must value them.