- HEY! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING ONE OF THOSE THINGS FOR YOUR PILLS, ONE OF THOSE SUNDAY TO MONDAY THINGS? ER, SUNDAY TO SATURDAY?
- I DON'T CARE IF I'M HEARD, I JUST WANT TO SAY.
- I WANT TO GO TO BOUNDARY BAY! I WANT MAC AND CHEESE! MY UTERUS IS MAKING DEMANDS!
- (COMMERCIAL VOICE) JOE'S TRADER! I MEAN, TRADER JOE'S...
- (GIRL, TO GUY FRIEND) I WATCHED HIM LOOK AT YOUR BUTT. THAT'S WHY I [/UNINTELLIGIBLE]
- (WIPING BARE STOMACH) I HAVE... BROWNIE CRUMBS ON MY BELLY.
- (ABOUT SLEEPYTIME TEA) I LOVE THAT TEA! IT'LL MAKE YOU SLEEP LIKE A BITCH.
- VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW'S ON TONIGHT! MAKE US ALL FEEL LIKE FAT... (ME: UGLY...) ...BAD HAIR WOMEN!
- WHY DO MEN HAVE MOUTHS?
- I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE PUT KETCHUP ALL OVER THE TOP OF THEIR FRIES. (ME: MAYBE THAT'S HOW THEY LIKE THEIR FRIES) OKAY MAYBE, BUT TO BE OFFERED THEM, IT'S LIKE, 'NO, NO!'
- DID YOU EVER WANT TO WATCH A MAN HANG OUT WITH GRIZZLY BEARS? / NO, BUT MY HAND SMELLS LIKE LEMON.
- I DON'T LIKE THAT I HAVE TO WALK ALL THE WAY DOWN THE STAIRS! / WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. STAIRS ARE PART OF LIFE.
- THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE; IT SAYS 'YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL STAR,' AND THERE'S AN OCTOPUS ON IT!
- SATAN'S BURRITO: IT'S A BABY.
- IT'S TURKISH ROULETTE. LIKE RUSSIAN, BUT MILDER, AND STILL WITH INTERESTING RESULTS.
- THE MOST PLEASANT BURPS ARE CUCUMBER BURPS! THEY'RE SO REFRESHING!
- IT JUST BLOWS ME AWAY THAT SOMEONE HAS THAT MUCH BULLSHIT INSIDE OF THEM THAT THEY HAVE TO WRITE AN ENTIRE BOOK ABOUT IT.
- THAT'S LIKE, THE DUMBEST STATEMENT EVER: 'THE FOUR PUPS PLUS ONE ARE A PARTY OF FIVE'...?
- I HOPE [/BOYFRIEND] WAITS UNTIL I LOSE WEIGHT TO PROPOSE... (WHY?) HA, I'D LIKE TO BE A SIZE SIX, IDEALLY!
- I LIKE IT WHEN GIRLS SPRAY TAN SO MUCH... THAT IT STARTS TO WASH OFF... AND IT GETS BLOTCHY...
- 'HE DIIEED,' ...I SAY AS I'M LOOKING SADLY AT MY BURRITO
- I JUST WANT A BOYFRIEND... SO I CAN DRESS LIKE A PROSTITUTE WHEN I GO TO BED. NO OTHER REASON!
- HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE 'RATCHET'? / HAHAHA. I DON'T KNOW, SOMEONE WHO'S THIRSTY. / THIRSTY? / NOT LIKE, FOR WATER... THIRSTY FOR THE D.
- SAYS THE GIRL WHO BIT MY FOORRREEHEAD. / I WAS DRUNK!
nov 12 2012 ∞
jun 10 2013 +