- What other people are thinking.
- How much I can influence what other people are thinking, and fear of influencing people irrevocably.
- How I might say something wrong.
- How I might do something wrong.
- How little I can influence people.
- What other people are thinking about what I'm thinking, including how much I can influence what they're thinking, or how much I am kidding myself about influencing what other people are thinking.
- How utterly foolish I must seem to people.
- How transparent I am.
- How I opaque I am.
- How I will never be able to truly show people my true intentions.
- How I cannot do anything.
- How I don't really know how to validate my self-worth.
- How other people lie to me.
- How other people flatter me, but talk about me behind my back.
- How I have a huge ego.
- How I have trouble trusting people.
- How I'm having an anxiety attack and the person I'm supposed to count on most is not here for me.
- How he might never be here for me.
- How I have trouble trusting him.
- How maybe he never understands me and I'm wasting my time, and I'm only now seeing it.
- How maybe it's my fault for not communicating.
- How maybe I'll never be able to communicate.
- How even if I tell him everything I'm thinking, he's not going to understand, because he's just as high as I am.
- How, maybe, even if I tell him when he's not high, he still won't understand.
- How I feel like I will be alone forever and nobody will ever understand me until the day I die.
- How I'm not sure if it makes me see more truth or less truth, or maybe just both sides really clearly without differentiating between them.
- How I need to go tell someone sober everything I'm thinking about before I feel so anxious and unable to deal with all the thoughts in my head that I jump off a bridge just for it to be quiet.
- How if the person confirms that I'm actually seeing the truth, I might actually jump off the bridge, because I don't want to live in a world like that anymore.
- How I think it's a bad idea to jump off a bridge, hence the talking to a sober person.
- How I can't actually go talk to a sober person, because I'm going to make a fool of myself.
- How I can't even talk to him, because I'm going to make a fool of myself.
- How maybe I've already made a fool of myself.
- How maybe I'm always a fool to everybody and everything they tell me is a lie.
- How it's probably indicative of our relationship that I can't make a fool of myself in front of him, even when I really need to.
- How I can't deal with relationship problems right now, because I don't want to be alone and I don't want to be with someone, and I'm just so paranoid.
- How I should probably go to sleep before I make a fool of myself.
- How I should say this calmly so as to not make a fool of myself.
- How I shouldn't say anything further until the next day, and sleep it all off, and if I still think the same way, then I can go talk about it.
dec 28 2011 ∞
jul 9 2013 +