i was rewatching their mv's to answer the 30 day challenge and... sometimes i don't know if this is mental illness (literally) or some sort of spiritual thing but. i don't feel bad for not following them from the beginning. like, not being there for debut and early eras because SOMEHOW i feel connected to them in a way that it transcends any guilt that i could feel about not living these moments with them. and when i watch the hellevator mv, and when i listen to the song, all i can think is that this song was my OST back then?

i don't know how to explain. it's something like this: at the time hellevator was released, i didn't know stray kids, i don't even have memories of them. but this song and this mv have vibes that perfectly match with what was happening in my life around the same time? i'm not talking about lyrics, but just. the sound of it. the meaning behind the mv. the way my body absorbs these sounds and scenes. and projects it on these memories. like i was living through the same thing with them. i'm pretty sure this is mental illness actually.

but, yeah. that's how i feel. i started with hellevator because it's the first, but i remember feeling the same with their old songs in general. i was not there but somehow i feel like i was. maybe that's why i don't feel bad for not being there from the start. i somehow feel like i was there since the start, or they were here for me since then, even i didn't know. ugh. sappy.

(i have some strong spiritual beliefs so this is a very important matter to me. at the same time, i want to go back to therapy asap :))