- today was actually terrible.
- im tired as fuck so im gonna make this short.
- buut we actually didnt do much in school today.
- i gave elli a nancy drew game
- sydni came in late
- ms soule was absent
- crew meeting
- project with sewit
- drove in sadness
- went home, cried a fuckton
- cried some more
- talked to timmy, and hes telling me hes always here as a friend and that he still loves me but were no good for eachother and the way he was trying to say it was kind, and he was nice and all but i wanted to die "just as friends"
- kill me.
- so i cried more
- he apparently had a revelation and isnt smoking anymore
- on the other hand i told him im very depressed and he helped me and stuff but then said something like "you should talk to your friends about this.."
- like, fuck that. they dont care.
- well they probably would but id feel bad and feel like i was annoying them plus i dont want their sympathy or anything
- i legit cried soo much today, im still kinda crying
- bobsmith failed his drivers test today...
- umm i miss being happy.
- sure i was never fully happy with timmy,
- but i sure as hell dont feel any happier now though
- if anything, im just more lost.
- i feel so empty.
- like in the shower this is weird but, i just stand there and close my eyes as water streams down my face and body, and just somlemly cry and be in a nostalgia mood.
- if there was one mood that i have been in most of my life- its nostalgia
- idk why. timmys still talking to me.
- once again hes being sooo nice but also in a way to make me cry. ill quote him
- :"i love you so much. but we are bad for eachother when we are dating.but i still cant stand to see you hurt like this. but at the same time, we cant date. irgnsjekrngj i care about you a lot, thats why im saying it. goodnight torbor. sleep tight, youre an awesome human being"
- i wish i didnt love him so much
- it hurts so bad. sooo sooo bad
- i was so close to cutting myself tonight
- i wanted to reallllyyyy badly. but i dont have anything sharp enough.
- so i have to go get razors.
- i wanna fade into nothing
- hopefully my parents will schedule that therapy appointment soon.
- well goodngihntiohng </33333
jan 3 2012 ∞
jan 3 2012 +