• oh my jesus.
• so i got high again tonight. it was great.
• we went to nickys at 5. smoked at the cut. then went to macys and smoked at her apartment...
• her mom found out lololol
• timmys been fucking ignoring me and i bet you hes hooking up with someone right now i HATE him so much. uifsdhggkasdig
• me and nicky stalked about joes car for like 2 hours and when he finally came we were like LOL FUNNY SEEING YOU HERE.. and he was kinda a dick...
• but it was worth it.
• i had a dream where i was in target with timmmy and picking out shoes. and irvin was there... and also another dream where i was flying out of a plane and it was scaryyy/
• ......timmy just texted me "heyyy!!!" hes probably on like ecstasy FUCK HIM/ im joking but aifhndsjgsd hes so confusing....
• i dyed my hair brown today!! its beautiful except for the few messed up parts lol
• and and and yeah nothing much else to say.
• oh i hung with ben even kesef and it was awkward and he left after like 10 minutess///...
• yeah i wish i were high still.. omg 4/5 of these posts i was high LOL
• ugh timmy ditched me soooo many times in the past week
• FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM
• heres my new plan... : so HOPEFULLY (just my dreams and wishes), timmy was wating this whole time to ask me out again just as a new year, a fresh start and everything will be wonderful again.. but thats probably not true at all.... soooooo my plan will be to completely ignore him and then he'll talk to me and miss me.. thats usually how it goes.. hes annoyed right now with me because im giving him too much attention. but i cant help it!! ugh. well thats how its gonna be.. :/
• life changes soo much.. like its almost WEIRD to think me and timmy dated///.... FOR TWO YEARS EVEN OMG..... like and its even weirder to think that its weird that thats weird!!!! WTF
• but we only have the rest of this year and then we'll go off to college where hes gonna fuck a bunch of random girls:(
• i know its so low for me to say this but i hope sometime after college we'll rekindle and become those high school sweethearts.
• UNLESS HE MARRIES GRETCHEN OR EDEN EW WTF ILL LEGIT KILL MYSELF
• that can never happen. ever.
• ugh its just like i wanna move on but then like ill be with other guys and ill NEVER have other feelings for guys like i had for him.. like i like the attention but only for enough time.. then im just like. no.
• like the other day when graham was being touchy.. i was legit a little happy because i got some attention.. but then i felt so weird. like he put his arm around me. causally not flirty.. and it just felt so wrong to have someone else touch me that way... it wasnt even sexual!
• i just wish someone would understand my dilemma...
• see id start ignoring him today and all but then tomorrow or i mean TONIGHTS new years and i wanna be with him! ive never had anyone on new years and i just wanna feel loved.. but i also have to be strong and stay away!
• ugh its such a problem.
• but im hoping that tomorrow he invites me to the mall (like im not even gonna expect and get my hopes up cuz hes ditched me the last whole WEEK), and then he'll invite me to spencers. and then we'll fuck. and it will be GREAT.
• ugh i also need to make a therapy appointment...
• and apply to st marys even though im deffs going to salisbury...
• anyways.
• im not even high but i am like the slightest bit. as you can tell im typing sooo much.
• hmm... well ill type tomorrow. TOODLES!!

(or next year maybe??) who knows i hope tonight-tomorrow is awesome!!!