- ❝The more I probe into reality, the more I try to know myself, the more worse I feel. I am blinded by my mistakes, my sins and all my losses. I see myself loosing, I drown more and the more I drown, the more empty I feel. The notion of life itself seems too vague and meaningless for me but that’s how I have to survive. Of course death would’ve been much easier but I’m not dead. I’m just simply drowning and there’s no escaping this time.❞
- ❝Let's be honest here. I know i'll end up alone. I know you'll leave me too, and that's not a surprise, and you know why? Because no one will stay next to me. I'm complicated. I'm mean. I push people away. I argue a lot. I tend to act like you are shit to me, but you aren't. I am such a mess, and i know no one will stand by my side, and the only one to blame, it's myself.❞
- ❝As I continue everyday, I have realized this: I am indeed a very lukewarm person. I’m neither interested nor disinterested. I’m always in the middle, neither this nor that, neither future nor past, neither death nor life, neither love nor hate, neither talented nor untalented. Just someone in the middle, just wavering around. And this kind of feeling will land up me getting lost and just numb, just very very empty; a pure nothingness.❞
- ❝Everyday I feel like I am falling short of words. I want to yell out to someone about everything I’ve ever been feeling. I want to feel alive again and I want this emptiness to go. But then again, I feel like I’ve opened up too much when I’ve never really opened up to anyone. Is there someone living inside of me? Who is taking away all of me? Why does everyday feel so empty and surreal? All I can do is wait for someone as I watch myself fade.❞
- ❝My life had lost all its colours; That was what I thought. But it wasn’t life that had lost it’s colour, it was me. I was the one who lost the inability to see things in a perceptible manner. I saw myself as a muddy mass, a vast emptiness was growing inside me. I often felt like the dry fallen leaves living under the shadow of huge dark autumn trees waiting to be crushed by foot of humans. Waiting to be crushed. I let my life turn gray and it is no one’s fault but mine.❞
- ❝I used to think i was tough, but then I realized I wasn't. I was fragile and I wore thick fucking armor. And I hurt people so they couldn't hurt me. and I thought that was what being tough was, but isn't.❞
- ❝She was broken but never hopeless; alone but never lonely. Her eyes reflected pain but projected courage. She was a beautiful paradox.❞
- ❝I wish I wasnt so shy. I’ve missed a lot of opportunities because of it. I hate when people think being shy is “cute.” It’s not cute. I live my life scared of doing all the things I want to do because I am terrified of coming out of my shell. I feel so ridiculous and stupid.❞
- ❝It wasn’t easy to explain the pain to them so you started keeping quiet, swallowing it as some regular pill and now it’s flowing in your veins and you don't know how to stop. It’s isolating, it’s lonely. but you got so good at covering it up. you smile more to reassure them, your sleeves got longer to hide all the scars, you convinced everyone that you are okay but yourself. somehow you forgot to heal you just learnt to suffer better making it easier for everyone around you. But today I look you in the eye and I am saying “ no you are not okay. You hurt, you hurt so bad that it is brave that you wake up every morning either for them or for you. I look you in the eye and I say let go of the strong exterior you don’t have to convince anyone.❞
aug 19 2020 ∞
aug 19 2020 +