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  • Never use “We were on a break!” as an excuse.
  • Remember it’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy and it is a big deal.
  • Everybody has a Lobster.
  • Quitting the gym is just as hard as quitting the bank.
  • For space in bed, use the “Hug & Roll” technique.
  • Yemen is a good place to escape unwanted girlfriends.
  • You can do a lot with just cups and ice.
  • Always say the right name at the alter.
  • Powder & lotion will not help remove hot & sticky leather trousers.
  • “Man Bags” aren’t manly.
  • Don’t count “Mississippily” while in a spray tanning booth.
  • “How you doin’?” never fails.
  • If stung by a jellyfish, pee on it.
  • Never let a monkey near a TV remote.
  • Only in prison do they “cup” whilst measuring pants.
  • It’s not Smelly Cat's fault.
  • Always read make-up letters all the way through, even if they are 18 pages long and FRONT TO BACK.
  • You should leave your synth keyboard in the 80s where it belongs.
  • A nap with your best friend could be the best nap you ever had.
  • Never let it slip to a child that they are in fact adopted.
  • Meat is not an ingredient in trifle.
  • There’s no such thing as “shark porn”.
  • Your first name is not your “family name”.
  • Throwing your own wake is not a good way to meet women.
  • A “Day Of Fun” is a good way to get to know someone.
  • Everyone has an identical hand twin.
  • Eating too much meat can cause “Meat Sweats”.
  • It’s never too late to resurrect The Routine, just don’t change it.
  • Regina Falange and Ken Adams make great false names.
  • It’s possible to drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds.
  • When moving a couch upstairs, pivot.
  • A silent auction is not a contest to guess the right price.
  • Always double check your measurements when making an entertainemnt unit.
  • Playing too much on arcade machines can lead to getting The Claw.
  • Ugly, naked, and guy do not make for an attractive combination.
  • Never pose for a VD poster campaign.
  • “Pheebs” is short for Phoebe, it’s not just what we call our friends.
  • Never let a duck & a chick near a foosball table.
  • Wooden spoons & trucks make great massaging tools.
  • Never put your head in a turkey.
  • Taping oven mitts to your hands will prevent you from scratching chicken-pox.
  • Never bet your apartment in a game of “Who Knows Who”.
  • Don’t leave teeth whitening gel on for longer than recommended.
  • W.E.N.U.S. stands for. . . Uhmmm . . . ?
  • Everyone is entitled to a “Freebie” list of 5 celebrities they can sleep with if the oppurtunity arises.
  • There are 7 basic erogenous zones. Start out with a little A 1, 2, a 1, 2, 3, a 3, 4, 5, a 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7……. SEVEN!
nov 9 2009 ∞
aug 28 2020 +