it was not that i had nobody to talk to, is that i forgot how to do it. i was lonely. yes, very lonely. i found myself creating scenarios in my head constantly. at a point my mind got lost from the compulsive desire of leaving this place. i adored those who were brave enough to adore me and the thought of letting them down stopped me from doing it. i had already disappointed them in numerous ways as i had disappointed myself. however, i hated existing. i loathed breathing and waking up every morning knowing i would probably be more miserable than i was the day before and so it went on and on and on. silence was my closest friend because all i genuinely felt like saying got stuck in my head forever. i slowly got detached from every social conduct i first considered acceptable. i had changed and i knew it. i was too blue now. it was tough for me to difference reality from the world I had created for myself. probably because my subconscious focused more on the precious thoughts i had made than in the mournful life i was truly living. it got too hard to face on reality. on whom i was and where i was going.