• If I don't love you baby,

Grits ain't grocery, Eggs ain't poultry And Mona Lisa was a man -The Spirituals and the Blues

• Every month my body completely purges everything it has been holding onto. My periods are heavy, long, arduous - old furniture and books and records come out. Gold coins and anchors and treasures and lace and shoes. It's like a big clearance sale. Everything must go! That is just the way that I am built. I am just puzzled at the idea of a pantyliner or a regular tampon. I need to stuff half an emergency room in there every 28 days or I am looking at dying everything I own black. (Here's a hot tip - if you stain something with your own blood, spit on the stain - your saliva has enzymes that will break it down.unfortunately it has to be your blood and your saliva - you can't do it for anyone else). When my Aunt Flow comes to visit - the bitch brings presents. All the feminine products I use have "overnight" on the box.

-Margaret Cho

"You're supposed to procrastinate. The people who do their work ahead of time, they're the sick people. They have the problem." -Mom