- I often feel like a failure even though I know I'm not. I always feel like everyone else I know and went to school with is doing something, and here I am living at home, going to a community college, and not getting enough sleep. It is going to be my new goal to write down one good thing as often as possible. Either something I did, or something I felt. Even if its just that I took a great nap
- 1/31: Got Eva to go to sleep after only 2 books. Also we are really connecting, and I'm really glad I get to spend this much time with my niece
- 2/1: I saw the wolf of wall street and bought a lot of kool smelling incense
- 2/2: Had a good day at work. got paid.
- 2/4: Took a test(I think I did okay), saw Raging Bull, and made dinner for my brothers and I.
- 2/5: Got to have lunch with my best friend who I haven't seen in like 2 weeks.
- 2/8: I went shopping by myself which was very therapeutic. I got some stuff I wanted, some I needed, but it made me feel grownup.
- 2/9: the girl I work with couldn't come in, so I had to handle the kids mostly by myself, and I did great.
- 2/10: Had good day with niece, and had pizza for dinner!
- 2/15: had a few bad days in a row, but today was good. Got new boots and othr clothes and makeup, and went to Edwards drive in, and babysat Eva, and my sisiter gave me 120 bucks for this week, ans I got high for the first time in 6 months. Things are gonna be okay again I can feel it.
- 2/18: Had a good day in spanish class, and started bates motel. and yesterday I went online shopping and got some awesome stuff.
- 2/23: Had a terrible day at work, but the day ended in cherry pie and vanilla ice cream, and that's all I can really hope for.
- 2/26: Slept in, got more caught up with Doctor Who, and had subway for lunch. I'm just still on a high from getting a better grade on my most recent spanish test, and her writing "much better on it." it has made me feel good.
- 2/27: Spanish class was good. Had Boston Market, and got my package from elf, so that made me happy
- 2/28: Today was a terrible day on so many levels. Probably one of the worst days I've had in a long time. That being said, I had a good day with my niece, got to see My Little Mermaid, and only cried a few times. I also got my makeup from NYX.
- 3/4/14: Had a good spanish class, finished breaking bad, watched the newest episode of My Mad Fat Diary(always makes me feel better), and had a mcflurry.
- 3/13/14: Its been awhile. I had an okay day. Had pizza. Been feeling kinda sad since the 4th.
- Smoked a lota weed, ate a lot, got paid. happy happy happy :)
- 3/18/14: Took a test, I think I did well. Got to go home early, and I got to watch the Great Gatsby
- 3/24/14: Went to the park with my niece, watched the sting(one of my favorite movies), bought some stuff from elf. and after i leave my sisters house, i'll get some stuff from the library and then smoke some weed.
- 3/30/14: Today hasn't been a bad day, but its been weird. Do you ever have one of those days that make you feel weird, but you can't put your finger on it. I only got an hour of sleep last night so thats probably why. Next week will be weird because my spanish class is cancelled all week because she has something else, so its just weird :P
- 3/31/14: I went to the movies alone which was a big thing for me. I saw the Grand Budapest Hotel, and was very happy. today was a rly good day
- 4/15/14: I got an 84% on my spanish composition, which is great. I feel good about my spanish. Estoy muy feliz y soy grande.
- 4/30/14: today was terrible. my mom might have cancer. today is horrible, horrible, horrible. i cried so much. I also didnt get much studying done because i am a terrible person
- 5/2/14:got high with my bro-in-law. got weed, had olive garden for my main bitches birthday. was generally happy
- 5/3/14:slept in, studied, got a big check, smoked, and had hamburger stroganoff, one of my favorites
- 5/11/14: today was good. i had my first experience of a child moving up out of our room, so that was sad, but she was happy. I baked, and we had a good mothers day with my mama.
- 5/27/14: the last 2 weeks have been a fucking nightmare. I told my mom I knew she would not get the house done until the last minute and I was right. we have four days to get done and about a week worth of work to do. on top of it I have a cold and I've only had 3 hours of sleep also I have to send back my textbooks, I have to get ready for college even though I'm registered for classes and I have no place to live because we can't pay the bill until my mother gets her disabilities checks. I hope the rest of the summer goes well but I'm pretty sure it's going to be as shitty as it is right now
- 6/5/14: Everything is terrible but if i go into detail i'll puke from stress
- 6/16/14: Everything still sucks, but now i have had a million other bad things happen. am i cursed?
- 6/26/14: Everything sucks but I'm trying to be positive or at least avoid everything.
- 6/28/14: Today kinda sucked. Garrett and I had to go to greenfield because my moms tire went flat last night and she has no money and for some reason my grandma wouldn't give her 17 dollars to plug it. I've started my period which hopefully after my 17 day long one in april and not having one in may will be normal. but if it is longer than 10 days i'm gonna go to the doctor. idk what they'll tell me. i don't need to be put on birth control because of my non existent gay sex life but idk what she would tell me.
- 6/30/14:I'm so nervous every second of the day, but I did half an exercise tape and drank a lot of water today so thats good
- 7/7/14: One more thing to add to the shit pile. I don't feel much like trying to fight through it. If its not better by the end of the month I don't know what will happen honestly. I wish I could just run away and never set foot here again. Just start again somewhere else, but thats the problem with being trapped by low funds. Your forced to deal with what life gives you or just drop out all together. That second one sounds mighty appealing.
- 7/21/14: Things have gotten better. I mean I'm still nervous all the time, but I'm feeling a bit better, and I should be fully back in school by the end of the week.
- 7/22/14: Going to get back into school tomorrow. nervous and scared. i need things to go right tomorrow.
- 7/26/14: I am so happy. I'm back in school. I go in less than a month
- 8/11/14: I go back to school this friday. I have to come up all week because i couldnt get early move in for work. im just nervous. its a good nervous, but also a bad nervous all rolled up into one. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to be mentally strong. i just hope i can be strong
- 8/20/14: I'm back in school, its okay. I'm sad sometimes, and i'm still all alone, but i'm glad to be here none the less. i miss being at home.
- 8/24/14:I got too drunk last night and shit I felt so hungover today. I rly shouldn't drink alone, but damn I was so bored last night. I wish I had some kool friends. I need to study more for that test on tuesday, but I also need to go to wallyworld tomorrow. I can do both I guess. gotta stay up till late to do laundry.
- 8/27/14; I still haven't made any friends to eat meals with, but this nice girl in my 204 & 207 sits with me everyday. She has a big movie collection too. I'm feeling okay being alone, because I know this won't be forever, and I always wanted to be alone at home, so its not that different. I really love being here away from the family though. not because I don't love them, but because I love being on my own and being more independent. I'm going home this weekend though, and honestly I can't wait to see everyone(mostly the animals...i kid, i kid)
- 9/4/14: Schools been going fine. Everything has been going fine,
- 10/2/14: School has been kinda stressful. I wish i could see a good therapist and take some good meds.
- 10/27/14: last friday was fucked up. im hopefully gonna see the doctor next saturday to get some anti-anxiety meds so that will be good. i get to go home next weekend too, but right now i'm ready to go to sleep but i gotta stay up for at least 3-5 hours more.
jan 31 2014 ∞
jan 2 2015 +