GETTING INTO IT First i'd like to say how i can clearly see and feel myself lose energy whenever im around my parents. not to say i dont like them but they rly do drain a lot out of me. i want to tell myself that whatever they expect from me i should be a respectable daughter and cooperate, right? but at the same time i constantly think abt how even tho i feel that they are my biggest providers they are also my biggest roadblock in life. i never get to do what i want and even tho i know i can handle my own business i feel like they dont trust me or feel like i should be able to do these things. take school for example, i only went to chemeketa bc it was convenient but if it were up to me i'd be in washington attending college. i know this isnt their fault and that we dont have those type of opportunities but i never felt driven to achieve the goals I WANT. i always have to consider what my parents want from me and sometimes i feel like they expect that. they dont ever think abt what their kids want to do they automatically start calling u out on what to do and how to do it. take my older sis for ex who wanted to enlist but they immediately turned her down, i get it but i still think that shouldnt have been their decision. or even her trying to work as a flight attendant or even just at the airport. anything that doesnt line up to what my parents want gets shut down immediately and when they push their wants on us it doesnt get achieved bc we arent motivated to do things that we dont want to do.

im being interrupted rn so i'll prob cont this rant later /: or tmrw. or in the next few days. we'll see.