since ive recently logged back into my listo accounts i've decided to do some "e-journaling" until i purchase a proper journal lol

What I am I listening to right now? First started off with Debussy, then studio ghibli piano music, and now t-ara day by day and cry cry piano cover

How am I feeling? Honestly speaking, I feel that I am maybe more optimistic than I should be. I hype myself up before tackling what I was meant to strive for, which leads me to setting myself up for disappointment. For ex, for the first few months of 2021 I had made an effort to be more consistent with self care and fitness, but after feeling that i am doing *too well* my days started and ended with me doing nothing but lay in bed. I look forward to a future already created in my head that if i feel that I am slacking even just a little bit i shut down completely. It's something i def need to work on. Overall, I can honestly say that I am not happy. I'm tired most of the time and when I feel that I crave attention and comfort from others I feel even more exhausted when I receive it. I miss my old self, whom I barely remember. More importantly I miss the people who were once close to me. I wish them well and hope that one day we'll cross paths again.

What changes am i willing to make? For health reasons and just so I can finally see myself as a new and better person, I would like to start changes in my diet and fitness routines. I will aim for a more nutritious, yet filling, meals. I'll exercise and get my body moving as much as I can. I would also like to spend less time on social medias that dont motivate me, i.e twitter and ig.

Words just for you I am sorry. I am sorry for wasting so much of our time. Doing unforgivable things to you and not taking care of you the way I should've been. I'm sorry for still having no self confidence, for always making u feel insecure. Apology without action has become a big part of me, but its time to let go of that habit and make it up to you. To the body that has held onto me for 22 years, I am sorry it took me this long but im ready to make it up to you now.