- live independently and comfortably without having to resort to unseemly behaviour
- her logic always won out over my weak-willed indecisiveness
- how bright the future looked to me then, how full of promise! and yet all i have to show for it now is this crime
- reprehensible creature
- accustomed to close-knit communities, never living far from home and depending on the support and guidance of family members
- i suppose this is what we had been heading toward all along, from the minute we ran away from home; tragedy was all that awaited us. our unattainable dream. our impossible dream so easily transformed into a nightmare.
- what a ridiculously long and tedious piece of work
- it's just that beauty seems to function as its own compass; beauty attracts beauty, and once the connection has been made it remains so for life, the arrow holding steady, pointing in the opposite direction.
- i knew my role in life was to be the observer of those who had been so blessed
- carnal personality
- off chasing the dreams of his past - or perhaps being chased by his past nightmares
- i sank back into the misery of being her older sister, confronted regularly with unflattering comparisons
- yuriko, whom i hated down to the very marrow of my bones
- the most flagrant lies i had ever encountered
- if a person is so incapable of viewing himself objectively, if he's convinced that he's good-looking when he's not, obviously he's going to come up with all sorts of outrageous lies
- her voice was buoyant
- maliciousness just gushes from your face now
- you chicken-shit
- the words triggered thoughts of the events in the courtroom that day
- his ridiculous deposition was just varnished with lies
- a face that gushes with maliciousness: is that someone dogged by bad karma?
- buying into all the garbage the mass media spews out just makes you despise people who are really sincere about what they believe
- I made a royal mess of things, and I'm sure the world rejoiced
- whenever she wanted to say something, she just blurted it out, letting the chips fall where they might. It always had an avalanche effect. Things would take on a momentum of their own; before she knew it, she'd said more than she should have and ended up where she hadnt anticipated.
- 'you probably feel the same way, don't you?' 'Hardly'
- they were always defiant, Swimming against the tide
- her eyes were empty, completely devoid of the sparkling brilliance and bold independence they once had
- a vacant gaze swept over her face
- I stood up angrily, kicking the chair back as I did
- she launched into her response with apparent relish
- your marks in English class were just deplorable
- I placed my coins begrudgingly on the table
- I'd had just about all I could take, I wanted to get out of there
- peachy
- an affirmed scam artist
- you certainly have put up with so much and weathered it all with such fortitude
- the competition among them is severe. The basis for this competition is grounded in scholastic performance, personality and financial security, but the greatest of these is physical beauty
- he is drowning in a sweet poison (making a living off exploiting women is the darkest of poisons), and I find it highly unlikely that he will ever be able to drag himself from the mire that claims him
- not unusual for young people to be overly fixated on themselves and to exclude others
- i was beside myself with worry that...
- im a stickler for following through on responsibilities
- curiosity on a number of fronts drew me to the courthouse
- dole out charity
- he had the same perversely precocious look that i had despised
- 'no, not him, the fat one!' startled, i almost fell out of my chair
- her convoluted tale of tangled emotions
- i was consumed with curiosity
- impertinence
- he scratched his saggy jowls with a fat finger
- how reprehensible!
- he was straightforward and taciturn
- i couldnt muster up genuine joy
- 'blaming it on religion is a bit facile, don't you think? i was undone by my own weakness. thats what led me to join that organisation in the first place.'
- practically debilitating
- straightened my own life out
- shook my head emphatically
- we had our hearts wrested away by an illusion
- veritable
- he stole my original thesis and represented it as his own work. this kind of misappropriation was an everyday occurrence with the manager, and the only way i could succeed was to learn to outmanoeuvre him. for that reason, i had to try to protect my spirit, to keep things in balance, and accent my most impressive abilities.
- a person with tightly honed sensitivities
- looked at him disconcertedly
- that's right, you little bitch
- it is difficult to live in a world where demands like this take precedence
- sighed with audible disappointment
- resigned to his disappointment, he tried to laugh it off
- abscond without paying
- being scared out of your wits helps affirm that you are alive
- as the cab splashed through the pouring rain i pondered my own bitterness
- discern my true strengths
- her whole body was suffused with joy
- the feeling was so oppressive, i wanted to break into a run
- but men have secret pleasures that they are able to enjoy. men slip off with their buddies for drinks, they play around with women, and they enjoy all kinds of intrigues on the side.
- there she was in the flesh: my love rival from high school, licentiousness incarnate
- i was still better than her, i told myself, appeasing my earlier despair
- that night i was freed from the anxiety i thought would hound me forever
- entertain any such notions (meeting Mr Right or selected for something good at work to seal my success)
- teetering between 19 and 20 or 29 and 30
- lascivious
- surprised at my own temerity
- exalted
- suddenly i felt a stab of fear
- i steeled myself for what was next
- in contrast to her demeanor, she spoke with a stilted politeness
- decrepit (body)
- i said cavalierly
- the hope of achieving a balance was now just a farce
- she'd been so beautiful, so celebrated
- no matter how tenuous my existence at the firm was to become
- a spell of balmy springlike weather
- frigid weather tends to chill romantic notions
- my face wreathed in smiles
- had she looked at the hell that lay ahead of her?
- reminded of the ethereal beauty she possessed in high school
- her profile floated in the dark like some kind of heavenly visage
- negotiate tenaciously on the price
- i detected a glint of derision in his eyes
- bestial
- paucity
- Lascivious
- 'well, welcome to reality.' Was this reality, a place like this? Then what were the orgasms I'd had? And that momentary taste of control? The feelings I had earlier welled up again. But why? Welcome to reality. That's precisely why I wanted to live forever in the dream where I get to rule the world.
- I lied through my teeth
- I mean, you're ugly too. If some kid came across you in the dark, you can be sure he'd burst into tears. And you don't have much of a future. You're just going to keep falling lower and lower.
- negated as a human being
- aggrieved
- replied pensively
- you've been deceived by your employers and at night you are betrayed by men. That's the horrible limbo you must endure. You're even deluded by your own desires. My poor, pathetic darling. Hurry and open your eyes to the truth.
- I enjoyed my independence to the hilt
- genially
- toupee
- beset with sorrow
- Spoke in Insipid tones as if trying to butter me up
- Vindication
- I got a card from her, Heavily excised by the censors
- The beauty that earlier had been so incredible that it seemed divine
- Refute her claim
- For so long I had been in the viselike grip of this sense of duty- a sense telling me I was indeed morally obliged to love her. And then the spectacle I beheld in the bath that night and again at the party liberated me from the pressure I had been feeling. I couldn't put up with it any longer. I just had to say what I felt.
- I was nothing more than a receptacle for his endless prattle
- I was thrilled to have passed the entrance exam and to be on my way to a new life. I couldn't care less about bonsai trees! I'd flip through the pages of the high school guide and give myself over to intoxicating images of how my life would be in my beloved school
- spoke with great contrition
- voice full of censure
- A name like kazue Sato is not uncommon and conceivably I was mistaken
- Decidedly
- licentiousness of a Monster
- licentious group
- not uncommon not unlike
- urbane
- tacit understanding
- Inebriated
- Yielded to my Father in everything
- She simply had a face that was diabolically beautiful
- Known for the ungainly way she carried herself
- I was the conduit who led her to her
- I answered perfunctorily
- I found comfort in the regularity of the hours
- In the throes of
- saddled w the responsibility for her death /
- I despised her spinelessness. I hated her negligence.
- Adulation
- unrelenting
- Strait jacketed
- I questioned his callousness but I never once doubted his innocence
- I seem to project an uneasiness over the fate that has befallen me
- she was beside herself with joy
- Nondescript gymnosperms
- it was a disquieting day
- Persecution complex
- her room was Spartan like a dorm room
- Complicit w the insiders
- such a status conscious school as this
- Being naturally fascinated by human relationships and the way heredity functions
- Frank, open, n more concerned with substance than facade
- she was hell-bent on nettling her
- Lash out at her with a volley of words
- rhetoric
- Novation
- out of my own volition
- delirious with joy
- she was garish and looked to be in her forties
- the decadence of breakfast in bed
- ignoramus
- caught up in this life of luxury
- confronted with an entirely new world
- absolutely captivated by the different people
- people awash with luxury and the richness of peace
- I was assaulted by a new wave of fear
- blessed beyond belief
- as a high ranking member of the communist party he was able to use his authority to line his own pockets
- I felt bitter, as if I were being overwhelmed by an existence much greater than my own, a being I was too powerless to resist
- my question was feeble n unfocused but her response was quick n certain
- the conductor will call over the loudspeaker n for a minute I'm transported back to this very moment in time
- Analogous
- immaculate
- assume responsibility for his dereliction
- the girls went ballistic
- presumptuous
- she blanched for a second, feelings hurt, and then recovered with a look of feigned indifference
- she'd insinuated herself into a place where she didn't belong and then was doing all kinds of asinine things without a care in the world. But she had nerve, I'll give her that.
- the way plants develop in accord with their environment
- encumbrances she must contend with
- 'wow, even her name is pretty, isn't it. I can hardly believe she's even the same species as us!'
- she was very adept at deluding herself, I'll give her that much. In no time at all she could warp reality into meeting her own needs. I really, really hated that tendency of hers.
- bounded noisly
- Truculent defiance of political tradition
- notwithstanding
- behold something distasteful
- he was no different from the garbage
- "there are people out there who are already on the road to death, and they don't even know it. and then there are people who are a picture of health but choose to die anyway. don't you agree?"
- i was tantamount to a corporation
- unnerving
- seized with doubt
- the boisterous noise coming from the basement bar seemed oddly incongruous with the quiet loneliness of the surrounding buildings
- daily life at Q High School, the epitome of the classist society so firmly embedded in japan
- preferred a nondescript life
- i was very strongly aware of the fact that i lived to be Yuriko's other side, her negative image. A person like me - a negative image - is profoundly sensitive to the existence of shadows in those who live in sunlight. those radiant creatures carry their black thoughts furtively, not wanting others to see. but they get no sympathy from me. i am immediately aware of their blackness, having lived so long as a negative myself. far from sympathising, it would be more accurate to say that I survive off the dregs i manage to collect from the shadows cast by those who live in the sun.
- possess a mote of shadow
- recorded the amount of money received with absurd vigilance
- "you and i are the same. And Kazue too. we all had our hearts wrested away by an illusion. I wonder how it looked to others."
- lascivious to the very core of her being
- in her diaries, Yuriko made some interesting comments about prostitution. if you'll indulge me, i will quote them here: i suspect there are lots of women who want to become prostitutes. some see themselves as valued commodities and figure they ought to sell while the price is high. others feel that sex has no intrinsic meaning in and of itself but allows individuals to feel the reality of their own bodies. a few women despise their existence and the insignificance of their meager lives and want to affirm themselves by controlling sex much as a man would. then there are those who are actuated by violent, self-destructive behaviour. and finally we have those who want to offer comfort. i suppose there are any number of women who find the meaning of their existence in similar ways. but i was different.
jun 5 2016 ∞
jun 22 2017 +