i really don't get you. last term, i was pretty much chasing after you and yearning for your attention. I feel that it's ironic that it seems as if you're doing the same now, after I had taken an interest in your renewed relationship status. you've started to approach me first, talk with me first, ask me about school to see if I've studied or not, you've begun to involve and include me in your life and I'm just wondering.. why? what made you suddenly so eager for my presence in you're wake. I don't know the reason for any of this, I don't know if I'm being overanalytical and dumb (as I usually am), but you're birthday is in two weeks and I'm still thinking of what to get you. You wanted chocolate chip cookies and a turban (dear god I am not getting you a turban, you'll have to settle for a black scarf at most.) I really hope you understand that I still like you, and have liked you even though you're ex-girlfriend really despised me for an unknown reason (but she is an ex so it counts for something, yeah?) Anyway, I got nagged by our mutual friend Jesus to act on my feelings and flirt with you more in Spanish class. Now how on earth am I supposed to do that. You're kind of the only reason (apart from my lovely pair of friends, Emily and Juhi) that I'm able to stay sane in that class. And also, why are you being so incredibly friendly with my friends all of a sudden? They think you're trying to get their approval or something (also because you want to pursue a relationship with me.)

I've been thinking whether or not I actually have a change with you. Diego and Jesus both said the conclusion is that you like me and V both, and ultimately like her more. I dunno man. You're confusing. You want me around, I know that for sure, but where do I stand in your life and as what. It's weird, whenever I look up, you're looking at me and whispering with Anthony after you or he looks at me and I don't know what that means if it means anything. I'd love to get in your head and know, one day. You want to walk with me and my friends, and I want things to be simple, you and me. I'm probably making things more complicated but I like when you used to play with my hair and whenever you call me "cozy". I wish I had a chance.

wow wow i really like you it's kind of insane? after i asked to talk to you about her, but never actually got to it, and you insisted on having minimal connection with her got me surprised. why did you do that? did i have anything to do with that? i hope i'm not causing any dissevering friendships of yours.

what on earth was with you and anthony? thanh told me you pulled up your hood so anthony could pull the string and tie it around my neck. you guys practically choked me, and messed up my hair, and i was practically on you, but you weren't surprised and anthony said "i guess you two have to stay like that, have fun!" leads me to believe that it was planned. what? why? LOL. it was a funny experience and thinking back it was really fun. my friends think me and my boyfriend (you) should experiment in private and not in school. *facepalm*

your birthday's coming up! i worked on my cookie recipe and it's good. i hope you enjoy cookies that i'll be making for you. if you don't i'm punching you, not even gonna lie. i've been thinking if i should or shouldnt do something else or extra for your birthday. idk. i dont think i'll be able to buy you a scarf like you wanted, but it's getting hotter and i doubt you'd wear it anyway so. i've also been thinking about you a lot (literally you've shown up in about 4 dreams this weekend, and you and i have even shown up in my friend's dream--- idk why but we were just there) and everyone is so sure that you like me and that i should show affection for you in small and meaningful ways like you do, and you're my prince charming and we're meant to be and that we're their otp and they ship us and all of this stuff. they want you and i, or rather, me to confess my likeness towards you and to ask you out and it's a surefire "yes" and all of that. idk. i just think you and i are cute as hell, and if you do end up liking me and something happens then literally everyone who ships us will explode and it'll be your fault not mine because you are literally a prince charming and i'm just a dork.

i just had this thought: i don't have any pictures of you anymore, or with you. if i had begged enough, would you take one with me? then a scenario came to mind: i had asked one of our friends to take the picture for me and i had subconsiously grasp your hand and and pose for the picture, and the friend returns the camera and i look through the picture to see you looking down at myself instead of the camera. that thought literally killed me. after thinking that, i literally turned 50 shades of red and it was only a thought. this is what you do to me. this kind of sucks. haha.

welp. things certainly have gotten even more messier than before. the only thing i gotta ask is whether or not our dating thing is for real or not. and why you wanted to take so many damn selfies with me. you're hella cute and i really like you and i'm hoping you like me but sometimes you seem pretty indifferent and uninterested sometimes amd yeah. sigh.