i wish i was content with the way things are. i wish i was content with being alone. i wish i was content in the place that im at. i like being alone, i wish i always liked being alone. but i cant help but enjoy hanging out with my friends, even though i know they’d rather hang out with other people than me. im just here, waiting, watching. i dont think im ever friends with anyone because i never initiate anything. im only interested in myself. i wish i was content with other people. i wish i had people. maybe then i wouldnt hate being alone, maybe then i wouldnt be waiting hours on the screen, seeing if someone will talk to me. but no, no waiting wouldnt do anything, what am i even waiting for if im just everyone else’s last resort? my friendships never ever last. i wish i didnt feel this empty gaping hole in my chest whenever im done hanging out with friends, its like that hole just opens back up again and i have to be constantly be around happy people to feel happy and to fill that hole. nothing’s ever enough, i dont know what would be enough. i’ll keep changing, i’ll keep trying to accept the way things are, but i’ll never be content. no, i never will be until i find out how i can be. and i just dont know how. is it a person? is it some place i need to be? i know im doing something wrong. i just want to get it over with and be happy again.