- Season 3
- You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded. -michael
- Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead type of guy. But, I mean, I'm not threatened by him. I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group, 'Here Comes Treble'. -andy
- I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday. -michael
- Well, Michael, I guess I underestimated you. Well, Jan, maybe next time you should estimate me! -jan & michael
- Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game-- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. -andy
- When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins, and they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby. -dwight
- A few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa, was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeasts and um, we all took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience, of what happened. Oh it would probably take an hour and half to tell that whole story. -ryan
- He's finished work, he's on his way home, WHAM, his cappa is detated from his head! -michael
- When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died, and what moves I could've used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in. -dwight
- And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed, in you. -dwight
- Michael always says, 'K-I-S-S, keep it simple, stupid.' Great advice, hurts my feelings every time. -dwight
- I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight's stationary. So, from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. 'Dwight, at eight a.m. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, future Dwight.' -jim
- Gruel sandwiches, gruel omelettes, nothing but gruel. Plus you can eat your own hair. -michael
- Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back, after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho. And you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then... suddenly she's not your ho no mo'. -michael
- After you sir. No thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear. Okay, well that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front. Uh, yeah but it'll be easier to stop. I can always block the blow, I can counter it.-- [Jim slaps Dwight, then walks away.] -jim & dwight
- Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say, fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice... strike three. -michael
- Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. No, he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom. -andy
- Oh young Jim. There's just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot. -jim
- I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe. You win. -jim
- I think your phone's in the ceiling. YOU'RE IN THE CEILING! - jim & andy
- Phyllis ended up using the exact same invitations, as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding, and I was like, 'wait, I thought I called that off.' -pam
- Your art was the prettiest art of all art. -roy
- There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them, like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit. So I don't think that this is totally just a women's suit. At the very least it's bisexual. -michael
- No, Toby is terrible. Toby is the worst human being I've ever known. -michael
- Dwight, you ignorant slut! -michael
- Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. -jim
- No, no, I need two men on this-- That's what she said-- No time!-- But she did-- No time! -michael
- Beer me! -andy
- ....phew, I am saying alot of things... -pam
- No, Dwight. 'Respect.' R-E-S-PCEVEE-T. Find out what it means to me! -michael
- I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hotdogs. That's all I've ever wanted. -kevin
- Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office, loves the work, he is however, an idiot. -michael
- Andy Bernard. Pros. He's classy, he gets me, he went to Cornell, I trust him. Cons. I don't really trust him. -michael
- I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified and smart; everyone loves him. And... if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends and I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just... we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me. But you know what? It's okay, I'm totally fine. Everything's going to be totally-- Pam! Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight? Yes. Alright, then it's a date. I'm sorry, what was the question? -pam & jim
- Once I am officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice: Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable, fictional, and overqualified. -dwight
- Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet, it's... pretty shocking. -ryan
may 23 2009 ∞
may 23 2009 +