Kohls: ss chain, tights, Black bra w/ clear straps, Better clips (like aiysha's - black, glittery) Innocense lost - the shows watched May agree with me, but don't listen to me. Is it just to learn how I would handle the situation differently from you? Don't think about actions of se Didn't watch HIMYM

Haphazardly Perpetually Being too nice - like kim k.

___________________________ IDENTITY:

Mujhe - menu Tujhe - tenu Kya - ki ki - di Innocent face - aggressive nature

LJ Affirmations - resolutions - 25 notebook resolutions - advice Create a mystery abt urself If someone gets attached, its not my fault or responsibility. Be a man! Don't try to be cute - esp over txts •cora - moved on while I'm still in the past Reserved theory - NJ wedding (the one talking and the one not), aiysha+colin Thinking like w/ parents. Common sense. Don't just blindly agree. Have your sharp thoughts on things that matter. Don't be afraid to disagree. But be nice. Speak up, regardless of the consequences. Stand up for yourself and your dignity rather than just being an enabler. Being overly submissive You never admit that you're wrong - you don't take criticism well Be reserved and Don't be funny...so when you are it will be unexpected, sharp, and appreciated Eric Ripert, anderson cooper type Move on - apne aap ko aur zaada takleef mat do Buying my affections Divya Bharti You don't have to say I love you Go quiet. Dignity in silence Silence is full of strength (and classy) Walk alone, walk tall Sometimes what you want is not the most prudent decision. Teaching someone a lesson or letting them self correct is wiser in the long run •Speak deep (audrina's/kristina's voice - sound authoritative, like a woman, not a little girl!) •Speak up (Let yourself be heard) •and get what you want - don't just be a pretty face all smily and too nice (kim k) but be nice not be petty (like jenny) - resilient - not hypersensitive - ooze substance - keep the humor for ppl u know column - have the upper hand - All business-Dark-If I show no authority, I'll be a doormat Be more reserved and ooze substance Don't be afraid to own who you are Nobody can put you down without your permission Bitch •The ability to remain cool under pressure •A mental challenge: how much of yourself you are willing to give up; whether you're afraid to be without him •Doesnt revolve her whole world around him SUCCESS in love isn't about looks, its about attitude! •Irreverence •Doesn't live by someone elses standards, only her own •Doesnt need to be here, here by choice

No external factors - no need to compare yourself to anyone. You're you. If you don't like it...too bad. Your loss. I demean myself by comparing myself to other women.

Don't allow others to have power over you.

I don't have to try too hard cause I was born with it

I consider myself to be a catch, which is why it is kind of an exclusive club

WOMEN OF SUBSTANCE:- Samantha Jones; Jordan; Madonna; Aishwarya; Rani; Angelina; Bipasha; Kate Beckinsale; Jennifer Aniston; Victoria Beckham; Audrey Hepburn; Natalie Portman; Katherine Heigl; Catherine Zeta Jones; Augustina; Queen of Leonidis

Insecure: Carrie (needy, too demanding); Elliot (constantly needs validation)

Powerful, confident, direct A confident secure woman doesn't let a man make her feel unattractive. She doesn't let him treat her badly. She doesn't allow for such behavior.

Being in a relationship doesn't give you room to be tough; cold; a fighter; have ice in your veins. You can't have your armour on - have your guard up. You have to let go of these in some form and I don't like doing that. You have a let your guard down, be comfortable with being vulnerable to another person

___________________________ Ai/Bri Probs:

Reading/Looking too much into it, too intense Taking it 2 a whole different lvl never seen me in cute stuff & I like it Blows things out of proportion Alter ego, faking org... - priscilla Controlling+possessive Me being complacent is me being okay with you and I not being friends in the long run... Making it secretive means you have something to hide Feeling like a third wheel Trust issues Don't cut you a break sometimes Being ditched, losing the friendship You get so attached to people so quickly, that I don't know when you're gonna push me to the curb Maybe I'm crazy...but I'm just going off of a few years ago •What is my underlying issue w/ Aiysha? •Who/what conditioned you to be this way? • I don't think I'm getting what I seek from a friendship from you •sometimes I wanna know what you're upto. Like a 14 year old girl, I have no idea how you spend your time. What you do. I hear from you every 3 weeks or so...and then its just wierd •Nothing is really natural, something has to happen for you to initiate meeting up. 'Oh haven't seen T in a while, prob pissed, let me do this...' Do you even WANT to hang out, or doing it out of obligation? As a chore. Like checking it off your checklist •W/ every action, there has to be an equal and opposite reaction •Her and new ppl. Other things on her place. Distracted. Rather be doing things with her new ppl. Ditches her old friends for new excitements. Gets too close too quickly. Flighty. You dump your old friends as soon as new people come into the picture. When it comes to guys, I will lose • You rush me. You don't take me into account when doing things. We have to leave early always. Just lack of attention to detail. This equals bad quality time. Its rude •Free time she does have chooses not to spend w/ me whatsoever •Never 'hey I wanna try this place. Wanna go on saturday?' •No plans for weekends. Just during the week to come to her place. Not even a remote effort to do my birthday dinner or to celebrate my work quitting. You don't put any effort into hanging out with me. •How do you contribute whatsoever? I do everything... • Do you consider me a close friend or someone you hang out with here and there? •You won't lift a finger when it comes to meeting up with me. I can drive to your place, but asking you to pick me up is just too much •Its great when we meet up, with actually going through the process of meeting up w/ you is so difficult. •I get the sense that hanging out with me is a chore for you...bc I don't sense any kind of enthusiasm from you. Pretty much I have to do everything •Quality of time together: you get showered, put on pjs, flip though channels, wait for me to get there, don't open the door even, don't get off the couch. No effort on your part, no inconvenience for you when it comes to hanging with me. falling asleep while there - why ask me to come over if you're falling asleep? Too much to ask to drive me to my car, wtf? • You're used to gilmore going out of his way to do everything for you • Hanging out with me for you entails me coming to your basement...nothing aside from that is ever planned from you ever •You pretend to agree w/ me on things that you may not. You pretend you understand what I mean w/ things. My cynicism. My reading ppl. •You don't tell me anything. Lack of info exchange prob bc you know I'd have something to say or would disagree w/ your actions ---------- Wanted to go to hagerstown mall - never happened Shooting range, in dc for avatar, hagerstown mall, horse riding, noodle&co Mentioned abt brian paying for everything - you should just see how far he'll go with that... Wanted to stay for renn fest music - didnt Changed eyebrow appt bc farzi coming Going to mate: didn't mention Farzi coming "Too bad the place I wanna take u to is closed on sundays"10/08

• Wanted to know if u wanna do something
• Just getting home u wanna come over we can grab something to eat later

I said no, said she's welcome to come over. Txt next day

• I worked 16 hrs on Thursday and 12 hrs yesterday so I passed out when I sat on my couch lol

Then whyd you ask me to come over - to watch you fall asleep? Doesn't calculate how much time an activity will take her Gilmore's actions - didn't get it until after Latched on to the new guy, txting, calling, allowing all of it - being an active participant, enabler

--------------- I think you compare me to priscilla, and she barely has an opinion about anything ever, so next to her, if I even say anything, its like...oh Tanya is creating trouble again I sometimes get the feeling that you're almost glad that's its never you, that you're always in the clear and that its never directed at you "This is between you guys. I don't have a problem with anything" Do you ever? And even if you do, you won't even ever say anything, so ofcource I'm always the bad guy cause I always apparently have to say something I'm easier to read than you You communicate with me through priscilla. When came over, didn't tell me u were leaving early. Just figured pri must have told me. Were not the same person, the ice skating thing Don't respond to important texts to me. I have to find out from priscilla

1) Things aren't resolved2) I can't be close with you because of Aiysha bc all our problems are due to the fact that we live together. And I'm ALWAYS the bad guy3) "ok I guess I can say that my perception of you has changed bc I thought you were a stronger person. You're much more of a girl than I thought" judge me during my weak moments or use it against me later. I can't be close and tell you things details, my troubles, because you judge. That's why u let somebody in, so they DON'T judge you. Friends aren't supposed to judge. If you don't judge then we can. Otherwise I have to keep my distance and my guard up and so there is no comfort zone to talk and joke with each other anymore. There is a formality all the time - an ice cold relationship where we can't say certain things to each other.4) You say you're not judging but your actions contradict your words.

Because I bought it up, I'm the one bugged by this situation, I'm the weaker one of the two. I'm not allowed to say anything, cause if I do, you're judging me then I'm the weaker person.

I'm a follower not a leader I shouldn't be fearful of losing people Its good to be single. You learn a lot about yourself when you're single. Well then why don't I take my own effing advice Learn about myself through solitude Bruce Wayne Can't be somebody elses copy Don't say stuff to impress her, to prove to her how much you've improved. "Look how much I'm like you, how I do things the way you do them. How I handle situations just like you would". To gain her approval. Oh yes, you're on the right path. To humanize myself, and prove to her that I do think about these things. To prove to her that I'm not an idiot. To avoid being judged negatively by her. I'm a cheap immitation of her. I may not be a product of society but I am definitely a product of her. I've been playing by her rules. What she says goes. To avoid the cruel judgment that we put Aiysha through. Hate to admit it but I have enjoyed being her go-to gal. The one she tattles to, and places judgment with. I have fallen into her game without speaking my mind, refusing to stoop to a level where I gain happiness through another persons downfall. I've gotten so comfortable with you, to the degree that I think that we're so alike, we must do things the same. I haven't had to think for myself. I'll just do what she does