September

• 4. So it's just me and Ate D in our room, she's sitting on the floor playing random songs she made up today on a nylon guitar then she strums a couple of chords and goes, "you know this song?" i reply i don't because i couldn't recognise it, so then she begins playing the intro to a song i do know and i'm like, "oh yeah i know that song! yeah it's always on the radio.." then after a long while i turn around and i'm like "i mean not that i listen to the radio anyway" and we both start laughing. having her as a room leader, or even just a roommate is great.
• 6. preparing in the morning and listening in bliss to laurie harmonise alongside klara as they sing come thou fount of every blessing
• 7. talked to ryan for the first time and it was he who instigated the semi-conversation
• 8. so michelle and i are studying at the GA, we're at the far table, i'm at the chair that faces the yoghourt and oatmeal, so i do not have a direct view of who enters the side entrance. so i'm talking to michelle and when she doesn't reply when she should have i look up and she's looking down with a smirk on her face and it's not until he passes by behind her and into the bookshop area that i realise why she didn't say anything
  • then michelle and i go up to the computer lab because we need to print out notes and syllabi, head back to our dorm to pick up some things and go back to the GA to get some more studying done. just as we are about to sit down guess who comes in the door with his bag? yup.
  • so around an hour before dinner we go back to the dorm because michelle needed to organise her drawers and i needed to go to the library and drop off books
    • so when i come in, the only other person in there was the worker, and not long after that another girl comes in to read children's books because she's taking elementary ed. so it's all quiet. while i'm standing in the eschatology section browsing through interesting material, another person comes in and i hear them drop their bag but i make nothing of it. but then i hear the person passing down the aisle, my subconscience assuming that the person is probably new and just looking at the section titles. when they finally pass by i look up out of curiosity and guess whom it was? yup.
• 9. FINALLY FINISHED MY FIRST ROUND THROUGH JOB. it was awesome.
• 10. quiet boy gets a hair cut
• 12. signed up for public school bible clubs with arty
• 15. Acts 4:31 - "And when they had prayed, the place was shaken where they were assembled together; and they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and they spake the word of God with boldness."
• 16. Matt dresses up in full suit. i literally could not stop staring. i practically drooled. such a tease.
• 20. i was feeling bummed that i haven't seen matt in a while so i randomly decided to google him and after a while i found a blog run by his family. there are ten of them. meaning he has seven other brothers and sisters. like what. i don't even know if i should talk about this. i'm such a creep.
• 20-22. Ladies' Conference 2012
  • Mrs. Go. and Mrs. Gi. are wonderfully skilled and Spirit-filled speakers
  • Cupcake Wars
  • between the first and second session of Saturday morning, dana checked her phone and received a text from klara who's on jewish. she asked dana to sign her out because she forgot, and then told her to tell me that "matty boy" was on her bus ";)"
• 22. Luau
• 26. Dr. G returns; Bro. Gill. preaches on "Committing to the Gospel"
• 28. Laurie needed to drop off job applications so we went with her. It was already 7pm at night. Dana suggested that we just use the map app on her iphone after Laurie voiced that she wanted to quickly run off to Revels to print out a map. So we ended up going the wrong way twice, with Dana's phone dying before we could even reach our destination. But it was fun. Good room bonding time.
• 30. Dedication of the West Wing and promenade. Conners' house with Dana and Ryan. Pastor C preaches about Andrew and Philip's example.

October

• 2. woke up in the middle of deep sleep to find klara on her bed, either climbing back in or getting out. i look at my phone and it says 2:37am, i don't bother to think any more of it so i go back to sleep. wake up in the morning, about twenty minutes later than usual. walk into the bathroom to find klara sleeping beside the toilet. me: this is literally what i said: *what is going on* then dana bursts into the washroom, nearly pushes me out of the way, and vomits into the sink. then i look back at klara and she's sitting up and says, "need the toilet?" to dana
• 2. awkwardly gave matt his invitation. i don't think it could have been more awkward. he probably thinks i'm too awkward. he probably doesn't want to go to a dinner with an incredibly awkward person.
• 2. i get fever-like symptoms, sleep from 2 to 8. skipped lunch because i didn't want to bump into matt. skipped dinner cuz i didn't want to bump into matt.
• 3. just praying a lot that my desire to have matt come to thanksgiving does not exceed my desire to gain wisdom and understand from the Lord.
  • Proverbs 3:15 - She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.
• 3. skipped lunch because i didn't want to bump into matt
• 4. wake up to post-it notes all over the room greeting me happy birthday, from laurie; mini-putt with roomies
• 8. thanksgiving with matt
• 10. message on praying and fasting and powers and principalities
• 13. crying in the GA because laurie's aunt sent her leaves and nobody's sent me leaves even though i told several people several times to send me leaves when october comes, yet knowing nobody will take my request seriously
• 21. message on not departing from the faith
• 24. went to church last minute, klara saved me an edge seat because i have to leave during invitation to get to work. guess who sat behind me? yup. shook his hand during the greet. i'm sad that i forgot what it felt like. apparently he wants to be a military chaplain.
• 26. seventh attempt to write pastor an email; received package from home
• 27. i often bump into alhiza in the stairwell. listening her talk to her mom on the phone is funny. i don't understand any of it but sometimes i think she'd be a great actress on filipino dramas.
• 29. i've never cried so much in my life, in one place, about one thing, before

November

• 6. finished my first project on time
• 6. left for work at 8pm, romney was in the lead. hour and a half later, kat comes up to us and says, "guys......i'm moving to canada."
• 6. michael white comes up to the mic that we use to call out people's orders and sings a goodbye lament for jacey. in front of the entire birdfeeder.
• 7. bro. s reads out one of the essays on the baptist succession theories that we had to write for test #2. i'm listening and after the first sentence i realise that it's mine. my writing sounds way better when someone who is experienced in public speaking reads it aloud. then i realise that when i wrote that essay i crossed out like 23048203948 words. "well done," he said. "i know she's probably going to be embarrassed, but this was written by janise d..aua..is she here?" and i put up my hand.
  • all i'm thinking is, "men, i may not be responsible in handing in projects on time, but hey at least i'm firmly planted in my convictions and i can explain them to you if you'd like."
• 7. bro. s preaches on "how God shakes a city" acts 19
• 7. dana: "how do you call someone who has a diploma? a diplomat?"
• 10. giving 750 words another chance. goal was to write first entry under 30 minutes. reached goal easily. surprisingly.
• 14. got called out for being cynical on twitter. not going to liee, my twitter mostly contains thoughts of cynicism, frustration, etc. and so the people who follow me of course assumes that that's all that there is to my life, since that's all that i post. but it's not. but i'm not bitter that i got called out. i'm just disappointed in myself. i wish i could post happier things like jo does, or verses, but i can't. i have this mentality that since i've always been negative, when i post positive things, i feel like nobody's going to believe me anyway, or think it's out of character, so i should just stick to the cynicism. oh well. i would like to delete my entire twitter feed, have always thought about it, and start over, but my pride won't let me. it would mean that their words affected me, insomuch that i was compelled to take certains things out of my life. an act as such would imply their words are more powerful than my will. and my pride won't give up that power so easily.
• 15. got demerits. i love working thursday nights at the birdfeeder. it's so chill. it's just one of those nights where i love everyone.
• 15. so i was in the kitchen and deiniol passes by, recognises me, then gives me a weird look that just totally looked like what dana would do. so later on when he was buying something and i was at the register, i told him how he gave me this look that looked just like dana except well he has no hair. then when i came back from work i told dana and dana's like "WHAT LOOK I DON'T GIVE YOU WEIRD LOOKS"
• 15. so basically all is good and right in the world when dana is in a good mood. i love ate dins
• 15. observation from the past: dana can't say arezoo's name. at all. it comes out something like "ay-arr-zoo." it's funny but i don't correct her
• 19. isaac gives me the biggest, grandest, most impressive surprise-invitation to the banquet. probably ever, in wcbc history. it was legit. isaac really deserves a trophy. not even lying. so i had to say yes.
• 25. hannah was right. when i come back from first semester i won't want to talk to anyone. because i'm different now. for the past three months i've been surrounded by people who praise God's name in the kitchen, the washroom, the shower, in class, at dinner, and we're all basically going the same direction, all trying to be at the centre of God's will. when i go home the environment will be totally different and i won't know how to act. but then again, i'm not hannah. even though i was ready to come back home mid-semester, i've learned to love it here. i had a purpose upon coming here. i came here with more than just everyone telling me to go. i had a sincere desire to learn more about God and that's exactly what i got. i think had hannah not been so negative her first semester she might have not decided to stay home this year. i have a feeling if she decides to prolong her stay at home she won't come back at all. anyway. we'll see how it all plays out.
• 26. i guess i just miss the hugs i used to get every day from lola and daddy. that's all.
• 26. i'm 3000 in debt to WCBC. if i don't get within at least 600 from paying it off by next wednesday, i won't be able to take finals. there's who-knows-what amount of money sitting in my resp and i can't use it because, according to my father, it can only be used for institutions within Canada. and we'd both have to bring the papers to the bank. which would be hard. because i have the papers with me. in lancaster, california, united states of america.
• 26. i've often thought about daddy this semester. i don't like to admit it, even to myself. every time a memory pops into my head i want to scream out loud, scream it out of my head, scream it away. but i can't do that here. i can't stand it sometimes. how happy i can be, how much God is blessing me, when i didn't try once to show daddy the gospel.
• 28. Fast
• 29. Christmas Banquet
• 29. with Isaac
• 29. hair messed up, as i had predicted. i don't know why i don't listen to myself. -_-
• 29. came back to the room. "did you have fun?" "...yeah..." "uh oh." flopped myself on laurie's bed and laid their wallowing in my despair. told laurie that i'd do this all the time with my grandma at home whenever i just wanted to talk to her or be with her. i love laurie. it was a blessing for her bed to be placed in that location. klara came and joined us on the bed and let me explain how i felt about it all. confessed to them how i pray for my husband fervently every day. "okay...this might sound weird, but ever since dana mentioned in one our earliest room devos how 'God just hasn't woken up our Adam yet' and after caitlin handed out those 'how to scriptually pray for your husband' sheets to the dorm, i began praying for my husband a lot. and the more i pray for him....the more i fall in love with him. like...i'm in love with him. i love him so much. but with isaac....there's nothing. nothing. i like him, he's funny, but..." "...he's not the one," klara finishes for me. "the well is empty." yup. but hey at least i'm not alone in how weirdly i've fallen in love with a man i don't even know: laurie prays for her nameless husband, too, and she's had the same experience. klara, about an hour later when we're all in bed awake, just after lights out: "hmm...maybe i should check that out?" "check what out?" "praying for your husband" "yeah...you should"
  • i just love my roommates. i love them so much. i'm going to miss them when i finish my time at wcbc.
• 30. so even though it was still two days until the banquet, isaac had a surprise for me on the day after and asked if my schedule was empty that afternoon. so i went out to this surprise. not going to the lie, again, the surprise was pretty dope. i told dana about it and she thought it was neat. but yeah. to make the story short, i said no to every other invitation (to go to the birdfeeder or to walk around the campus for a while or to see each other again before school's out). even told him that i might not even come back next semester because of tight finances. so hopefully that friend-zone bomb was enough for him to take the hint. i think he did.
• 30. finally sent an email to pastor about my financial situation.

December

• 1. went soulwinning with Chrian. told me Isaac was really sad after I went back to the dorm the night before. "Aw...I mean, I like Isaac, but...I don't like him. But he did all those nice things for me. Maybe I should do something special for him at least once." "No, don't. It will lead him on."
  • UGH. i really hope one day soon isaac finds the nicest, prettiest, funniest girl ever and she falls in love with him and they'll live happily ever after. he deserves the best. just not me.
• 3. okay i think we all just have to accept the fact that Pastor's just not an email type of person.
• 5. i like to rationalise and downplay my crises by telling myself God puts me through these things, like not being able to take finals because of financial straits while miracles happen to others, because my faith can endure the testing and others need the miracle to boost their faith. but either way, it's all by the grace of God
• 6. for the past few weeks i've started the day off by thanking God for the good day it would be and asked Him to give me a right attitude. i can't remember the last time going to sleep feeling like it was a bad day. i've had moments of shallow despair but the day always turned out the better.
• 9. i've come to the conclusion that i'm never going to marry a filipino, mexican, or anyone who enjoys boxing. because no filipino, mexican, or any man who enjoys boxing would ever want to marry me. i just don't care for it at all. the fact that pacquiao knnocked out for three minutes last night? eh, who cares? not me.