Excerpts of my life, recorded and dealt with using a pen and a piece of paper without the clacking of my fingernails hitting the keyboard.

• March 23, 2008 - As the rain spat at my feet, I sat at the bus stop with that dress, that cardigan, that bag, that hair, those eyes, that leg just so: to be perfectly and alluringly casual, gazing whistfully into the distance, but really staring at my reflection in a thousand panes of glass. Of course some man also waiting struck up a conversation, and I measured my words, so carelessly thrown out that every ear was captivated. And oh i hate being like this, using everything to validate myself because I'm just so lonely.
• April 7, 2007 - Regent's park in the sunshine and 3 litres of lambrini. Shaking uncontrollably at some distressing, but untrue news. Drink, after drink guzzled down at the dublin castle (our pub) and epiphanies involving love and Kent and new found home. But not epiphanies really. Known all along and just not spoken aloud.
• May 2, 2005 - Death on the stairs of kings cross station. Falling and forgotten oyster cards and fairly wasted, yes. Stumbling back alone, but with company in my heart (now and forever and ever and ever). Take-away food (how did i afford that?) and my bag and all it's contents covered in what was supposed to be my dinner. Beyond caring of course.
• May 2, 2005 -Death on the stairs of home too, as I wobbled up (and crawled too) the many many flights. Almost gave up and just deposited myself on the landing. But some super human force spurred me on and into bed, where I lay for six hours not sleeping a wink. Thinking and pondering and planning and hoping that somehow things would actually work out.