• 1.12 - good start into this month. my back doesn't hurt so much anymore and i wrote the last biology exam of my life. what a feeling. also packing things for berlin and being excited, especially when it comes to the cast.. ahhhh. i can't hide that it still makes me feel sick to my stomach.
• 2.12 - so i've arrived in Berlin, bad weather so i don't really know what to do for the rest of the day. Will probably visit the stage door and have some delicious cake in a café <3 read a book and just be calm, happy and relaxed!!! //// haaa whatsoever i fucked my plains up.. or well, i just added a few things. i waited t the stage door for like an hour and serkan finally came, i was so happy and relived as first of all i saw him and second of all he told me and josie are both healthy again and they'll play tomorrow. well i.. of course had all things of plans in my head but first of all i just went to mc café to have my beloved choco cake and while eating i just decided to go to the theatre and ask for tickets this evening. special things happened and i held the perfect ticket in my hand! i went back to the hostel to get ready and when i got to the theatre and saw the cast list to my big surprise not only serkan but also josie was playing. i don't think i have to tell you anymore about the awesome evening i had!!!!!!
• 3.12 - COULD SHE PLEASE STOP GRUNTING AND SNORRING WOAHHHH!!!!!!! /// awesome show with a lovely audience which really made me feel good :) i was sad to go but a third time really would have been too much this time. i will now go to the christmas market at the potsdamer platz now and then to the stage door to say goodbye :') //// WOAH WTF WAS THAT! this was the most epic experience i've ever had. official "hiho-inventar" now. i love you all!
• 04.12 - on my way home but i feel good because this has been such an epic weekend, i got everything i wanted and more.. also i am already back in 29 days so.. whatsoever :3
• 05.12 - school again, yay. but actually really yay because i had so many people to tell about the lovely weekend. i also only had 6 hours - normally i have 11, which is quite hard but they were cancelled. yaaay. 'und ich hab am ersten fahrrad geschraubt' ;)
• 06.12 - got really nice things for st nicholas day ♥ you know.. necessary things, which i can really use and also need right now. thanks mom & dad. also went to the dentist but everything was okay which makes me feel good :3 and i went to the cinema with a friend of mine and her mom to see "breaking dawn" in english. and i have to say i really liked it and i am very excited to see part 2.
• 07.12 - feels like a useless day, even though i've been doing the second fahrrand also finished my blog entry..
• 08.12 - i wrote a really, really good math exam today and i am very proud because i also handed my exam in 20 minutes before we had to. yaay.
• 09.12 - i am REALLY tired today.. like.. REALLY! i don't even know why.. i haven't been in bed too late actually. also i had a shitty dream (well, it was a good dream but as always this makes me feel worse) and you know.. friday last week i've traveled to berlin, that is why my mood might actually be so "bad". // it got better through the day.. yeaahh ♥ i finished part 2/3 of my wichtelgeschenk and i am very proud because it was a lot of work... and now i am happy. part 3 just is a little things now anymore, so i got everything finished right in time. proud :)
• 10.12 - YEAH FUCK YOU CLASSMATES! they left our stall at the christmas market ALL DISGUSTING AND FUCKING UNTIDY AND I COULD JUST KILL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW.. seriously. this is... i am REALLY, really pissed!!!! // well, i talked about it with one of my friends and she said it was not her fault bla bla. i don't really care, i just really wanted everyone to know what has happened and that we had to clean all this up. i don't care about any kind of "punishment" - i don't want this, i just want everyone else to learn and not do the same shit again. // tonight is our abiparty btw.. // Das Bewusstsein, dass die Illusion nur durch die Hoffnung besteht. :(
• 11.12 - yeah, what a fucked up evening was that. seriously. i could just.. GOD! // today i read in my "dream-book" and.. some of the things i dreamed happened in a very similar way in real life.. i am really shocked and feel kinda strange...
• 12.12 - this day turned from shit to kinda good.. the best shit was actually THIRTEEN POINTS IN MY MATH EXAM!!! so awesome, god!!!! also i received lovely christmas mail <3
• 13.12 - what a day.. too much to do... but too less time!
• 14.12 - i even cancelled dancing today to finish all the stuff to do. why. oh whhyyy. but finally my biology presentatione is more or less finished.
• 15.12 - i am so tired :(
• 16.12 - one day before my next singing lesson, i finally decided to also DO something for it. i hate myself sometimes. i am sooo lazy. gosh :( but everything goes quite well atm, so yeah.. we'll see what tomorrow will bring.. - OH WAIT. one fucking really good thing about to day. 10 FUCKING POINTS IN SOCIAL STUDIES!!! WHOOOOOT??????
• 17.12 - this might be a really good day, except for me being tired as fuck. but my singing lesson was lovely and i think me and my teacher just.. harmonise more and more with every lesson. anyway.. for now i am ready with everything that has to do with any duties this year and i just be happy and relaxed for the next two weeks :) // i celebrated a birthday of a classmate today and it was really lovely :3 she cooked something which tasted AWESOME (and also i was able to get some tacco salad home with me yaay ♥) and we watched movies, especially bridesmaids WAS SO GOOOOD! and funny and everything. i really enjoyed myself :)
• 18.12 - i will do nothing but finish my biology presentation today. OKAAAY! // i seriously watched two movies today again. zweiohrküken and goethe!, both quite nice, in enjoyed them but they were nothing special. biology is finished and now i will go back to my bed where my book is already waiting to be read again :) // i was in bed early, ready to sleep when suddenly all these memories came again and now i am just crying.. i am crying because of a person who i still miss so.... fucking much. even though it has happened already over two years ago. the worst is... he is not dead nor gone. it just ended. i just ask myself what could have been... and if he also sometimes still thinks about me. i really miss you, j. :'(
• 19.12 - I AM DONE WITH BIOLOGY!!!! YEAAAAH!! // i hate my back, i feel like an old lady!!! // my friend might not be able to go berlin with me so i have to think about what to do now!!!
• 20.12 - this is such a bad day.. just because it is. sadly. // facebook will hate me soon because i keep posting my honest opinions to people's statusses. fuck you all. best is when they take it all personal. oh my god. // well my friend really can't go to berlin with me so i had to think of an alternative. now i will go alone, i will go on sunday with the bus and come back on friday with the bus. i'll be there for such a long time, all on my own.. maybe i finally have time to read my books then ;) it's gonna be very interesting but i am still very excited.. because it's berlin and i will go one day earlier so.. 12 DAYS LEFT!!!!!
• 21.12 - wow, three days left until christmas... or at least until the german's get all their presents ;) i am so not in the mood for it which is really sad, but anyhow i am excited :>
• 22.12 - last day of school before winterbreak! maths was the only lesson were i really had to work today :D // concert in our town today, where we weren't playing for the first time in four years. this felt really sad but it was the decision of one of my bandmates so.. what should we do? we can't force him.. also many people asked us why we didn't play and that just felt strange, because we also didn't really had an answer.. idk :(
• 23.12 - haaaaaa.. i finally have holidays and celebrate them in the absolute right way. reading, lying in bed, sleeping, listening to music. i love it :) i hope i will stay that reading mood so that i can have a little reading sprint at the end of the year and finally finish everything that i haven't really been reading this year even though i should have. also i count on my parents to gift new books to me for christmas so i really need to read the old ones out. luckily i also still have a lot of time in berlin for it ;) i definitely love the start of the holidays - also started to listen to some of my old music, avril lavigne, ashlee simpson, which just is very good 'sitting in my room, reading music' - haha, whatsoever. sadly i am still trying to get into a christmas mood :( // yeaaaah finally people also start spreading rumors about me and interfere in things they don't know anything about. lovely.....
• 24.12 - THE FUCKING BIGGEST PART OF MY WICHTELGESCHENK DIDN'T ARRIVE!!! SERIOUSLY? WHAT IS THIS FUCKING THIS? OH MY GOD WHOOOO THE FUCK STEALS A FUCKING PLUSH UNICORN! pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! // merry christmas to all of you :) // stomach ache.. whhhhyyyy todaaay? whyyyyyyy? :(((( it hurts so baaad! // i've got so lovely presents for christmas now i am really happy :3 ♥
• 25.12 - i've read.. and read.. and read.. and read.. and watched lord of the rings.. and dyed my hair... and read.. and slept. good day :) now i will go read something again and then i'll watch kill bill which is on tv today.
• 26.12 - "family christmas" today... sooooo many people are here, there are only a few people of the family missing :) i also got some additional presents which i didn't really expected :) i love my family (except for the one part.. they have four children who are really annoying sometimes... sorry i hate children) // YAAAAAY I'VE GOT MY FIRST YOUNG TICKET FOR HIHO TODAY!!!! YAAAAYYYYY!!!
• 27.12 - yeessssss, i've finally got a thousand things done i really wanted to do since ages - especially cleaning up my desk. also i FINALLY finished the worst of all: BRAVE NEW WORLD! worst in the case of wtf i can't go on with this book it takes too much time. but now i got it and so i read all the books i wanted to and the week only just began. now i can start with "ferne ufer" again in all quietness ♥
• 28.12 - i've been to phantasialand today, ist was awesome but now i'm really too tired ans exhausted to write anymore...
• 29.12 - i've had the worst night :((((( // i've read over 200 pages in 'ferne ufer' ('voyager') today.. wooow. i love this book so much.. the whole outlander series ♥ god.. and one day, i hope i will find someone who i can love as much as claire loves jamie :)
• 30.12 - tied to this story! // I COULD CRY THAT THE FUCKING I AM READING PLUGIN DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE - I LOVE IT SO MUCH GRRRR!! // over 200 pages again and i've already read more than half of the book.
• 31.12 - packing and preparing everything for berlin and slowly but surely i finally get REALLY excited!! i really was able to book my ticket for tanz der vampire already, which made me feel even better. now i am really ready to go.. :) first of all i will celebrate new year's eve.. alone, only with my book maybe ;) and then.. let's go ♥ i can't really believe that all these 2011 lists i did are ending.. feels really strange, but i am excited for 2012 :)))))

everything awesome about this month:

• last biology exam of my life
• berlin
• josie & serkan being healthy again
• having a very friendly ticket seller
• serkan playing both shows
• josie suddenly playing the show on friday too
• stage door on saturday
• what chris said.. ♥
• last exam of the year and last german exam of my life
• THIRTEEN POINTS IN MY MATH EXAM
• ten points in my social studies exam
• eleven points in my english exam
• i am going to berlin anyway and it will be awesome
• reading
• christmas and the presents i got
• phantasialand

everything shitty about this month:

• abiparty
• how much i started missing j. again :((
• my friend can't go to berlin with me

addictions:

• 30 seconds to mars' old times :/
• tacco salad
• hinterm horizont (& the whole cast) // which i tried to cancel after half a month so i will be more excited for my next trip
• drew sarich
• reading