most important:

• WELCOME MARCH! YOU BRING HAPPY THINGS (mostly)!
• my mum came back after six weeks
• 'vorabi' exams
• lots of serkan ♥
• düsseldorf & okinii
• i can count the good days in this month on the fingers of one hand..
• gaming night with melly, heike, alina & rica
• smash <3
• NEWS THAT SERKAN IS AT THIS YEAR'S SOMMERNACHT AGAIN!!
• fucking carpe diem move to visit josie on the tour (..or not)
• mottowoche
• once upon a time <3
• last day of school & a fucking epic themed week + road block

thoughts of a day:

• 01.03 - i've wrote the message & i hope i don't have to wait too long for an answer :)
• 02.03 - i did all the housework i had to do before my parents come back..
• 03.03 - finally doing some wallpaper work again :) FOUR WEEKS LEFT TILL BERLIN! and my mum comes back today :3
• 04.03 - not much happened except for my parents being mad at me for doing my own laundry (seriously?!) // okay right now... i miss him really, really much :(
• 05.03 - i feel baaaaaaad // CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THIS MOODINESS? i am sick of it and dying over here. tomorrow five hours of englisch exam.. fuck yeah^^
• 06.03 - DONE! and it really was absolutely okay!!!! :) happy that it is over in first place ;) // the rest of the day i was sleeping, playing video games & and driving to band practice for nothing.
• 07.03 - yeah, i am glad when i am finally out of this school.. seriously. // god i am so glad that i decided not to go to my prom but both days of my dance performance. it was absolutely right. my trainer just offered me a part in another dance because she thinks that i am doing it so well and that it looks so nice and well.. i am really fucking happy about this. it means a lot to me when she says this. and once again i realize what makes my life worth living and what i just need to do in the future!! ahhh. though i feel so bad atm it just always makes me smile.. :)
• 08.03 - singing lesson today. also i really learned a lot for my maths exam tomorrow.. i'm kinda motivated now :D probably won't work out as good as i am thinking of it right now but.. well.. i can do it!!
• 09.03 - this exam was the total shit, but everyone thought this so at least i am not alone then with a bad mark. & me and my brother are finally going to düsseldorf to our friends again <3
• 10.03 - OKINII! OMG!! I AM SO.. STUFFED WITH FOOD BUT IT WAS SO GOOD!!! // ich weiß ich fliege jetzt davon.. // yeah.. sudden 'nocturnal depression' at 1.30am. i love it..
• 11.03 - DROWNED IN SELFPITY! what a day. // and there really is nothing more to say about this day. // and i'm left here with a pile of emptiness..
• 12.03 - lalalalaalaa... 13 days of school left. i can do this! // dancing is my only hope. i will get through this! // im moment wird mir einfach alles zu viel, es wächst mir über den kopf und ich würde am liebsten meine sachen packen und ausziehen. wenn die möglochkeit da wäre, würde ich keine sekunde zögern. // but then sometimes there are night where i just wish that someone would hold me in his arms... // sometimes i still think about going to a psychologist.. it's not like i have one big problem.. just many little. and at the moment they just seem to gather around me. and if nothing changes pretty soon they will break me.. // and i still hate myself for all this self-pity.. bla bla.
• 13.03 - TIRED!!!! // 18 days left! 12 days left of school, tomorrow my last vorabi-klausur! I WILL DO THIS! // i am prepared for this shit and now i will sleep and just look at some little things tomorrow morning before i drive to school.. and then everything just will work out.. even if i don't know how yet. but i can do this, it is my last one and then i can start looking forward to berlin!!! HEY HO LET'S GO!!
• 14.03 - I AM DONE AND IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME! GOOOD! thank you for this exam!!! i hope the mark will be as good as my feeling! NOW - BERLIN! AND I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANY OTHER SHIT!!! SRSLY!!!
• 15.03 - except for my shoes that have been stolen.
• 16.03 - oh my god, i had the fucking nicest dream today. normally i am really not a fan of any happy dreams but this one was just so perfect that it does not feel so worse now.. more of that kind please <3 // this really was not my day.. :/
• 17.03 - so today i finally go to melly and we'll have my belated birthday gaming night. sooo excited :DDD
• 18.03 - it was suuuuuch a lovely evening, really! we had so much fun and i could forget about many things but i was also able to.. well talk about some things. which just feels really nice sometimes. i went home at four o'clock in the morning but it was so wooorth it :) and noooow 13 days left till berlin :3 // ugggggghhh what a fucked up day.. oh noooez :(((
• 19.03 - when i woke up today i felt even worse. but this day went quite good so.. yeah.. :) let's just wait how i feel tonight.. // i canno even believe how fucking happy this man makes me.. just by.. being there. wow, wow, wow. i made it through the day because you helped me build that way.
• 20.03 - this marylin monroe musical from smash seriously is one of the best shit i've ever saw!! // today we hold our 'musikabend' where i will sing two songs :) i am very excited how the audience will react. // "ich hatte gänsehaut" and "'glitter in the air' war so schön, hatte tränen in den augen" were two of the best sentences in the last few days, thank you :)
• 21.03 - sooooo this morning i decided finally that i will go to cologne next week and try to visit josie! my mum helped me with this decision, since she told my i could use their car for tomorrow when i go to my singing lesson. also i asked a friend of mine if she could take me to school on one or two days. this will sooo work out :D and if i am not seeing her then i do not have to be unhappy because i know i've tried and the next morning I WILL GO TO BERLIN!! many yays for me!!! // eeendlich malwieder mit dem schaltwagen gefahren.. das letzte mal war sicher vor.. 'nem halben jahr oder soo. // i finally finished my english talk - it's 1am now.. fuuuuu. and probably i won't even have the time to present it tomorrow.. but okaaay, so now i just have it finished.
• 22.03 - only a single-digit number of days left till berlin. i am crying!!!! // of course i didn't have to do my talk today but well.. i had time to talk with my teacher again so that i am really sure if everything i did was right and now i can add something and yeah.. my talk will be perfectly right on tuesday :) // oh my goooooooood.. i just did 'hilf den verstoßenen' in my singing lesson and it is SOOO beautiful. okay, i need an audition list or i will forget all these awesome songs!
• 23.03 - weeeekeeeeeeeeend!!! fucking finally!!! you can already feel that there are not so many lessons left. we are taking photos in every class now, where we loose a lot of time anyway. in computer science we just did shit and talked but it was lovely. our teacher seems to enjoy these last lessons too, because he will go at the end of the year too :D so next week is my last school week, our so called 'mottowoche' (the themed week, where we all dress up every day to a certain topic). 8 days left till berlin <3 tomorrow the hiho cast is at carmen nebel, so they will be on the tv ♥ // abiparty nooow! // i am a part of the serkan kaya fanpage on facebook from now on.. hoooraaaay :D
• 24.03 - tired from partying but it really was nice :) and being home at about 3am is okay, i believe! // ONE WEEEEEK left till berlin <3 // why am i such a fucking jealous person.. I HATE IT!!!!!
• 25.03 - only six days left.. whaaat? :D i've played world of warcraft the whole day and i think i really had lots of fun today the first time since days. i was able to forget about so many problems. tomorrow my mottowoche starts :) first day is ghetto, which will just be me in some sports trousers and a slutty top. yeahhh!^
• 26.03 - soo our theme today waas hip hop/ghetto and it really was fun, which i actually didn't expect. i do not feel so good again today, which probably is because i haven't slept so much this last night.. then i am especially not very motivated to do ANYTHING. school really was okay because there really isn't happening much but i am not even motivated to go to dancing.. ahhh. but there are only five fucking days left.. my god!
• 27.03 - grandparents day today. was okay, but since i only had two lessons i didn't put soo much effort in my costume. 2 days of school left :) 4 days till berlin! // i started to watch once upon a t ime today! // OMG SERKAN WILL BE AT MUSICAL ALLSTARS IN ESSEN! FUCKING FUCK YEAHHHHH ♥ // i really had the weirdest dream in my afternoon nap.. it was so full of dramatic stuff, burning cars (MY CAR), dead people (especially this one person) but all these dramatic things resulted in something positive.. something very positive, nice. something were i felt good, happy, comfortable. and when i woke up.. everything was gone.....
• 28.03 - today i actually had no school but our computer science class drove to cologne to visit a server farm. it was quite interesting even though we didn't stay there for very long. // 2 days of school left, 3 days left till berlin. // outfit for tomorrow is ready: CARTON DAY - a hagel slag carton YAY :D // haha i've been offered a solo role in our dance performance fuck yeah. also my mum told me that she could take me to berlin in july. awesome!
• 29.03 - CARTON DAY WAS AWESOME :D last biology lesson, last math lesson, last english lesson. it doesn't really feel strange at the moment because you just don't really realize, you know. just as i do not realize that i will go to berlin on saturday.. hellooohooo. i mean.. seriously :D today i will get some presents :)
• 30.03 - wow, it's over. there actually is no sadness or anything, this will probably come at the abi-gag. not because of school ended but because of some people, i guess i will not be able to keep the contact with everyone that i want to. which is a quite sad thing to look at. but for now i am happy, that school is over. I AM DONE with this. only the exams left but first of all i will got to berlin tomorrow.. hellooooo. also our party in the street where our school is (and also two other schools) was the best shit and we made about 250€ from the car drivers who had to give us money when they wanted to drive through. how awesome is this huuuh? :D
• 31.03 - yaaaaaaaay. i am off to berlin today. this is so awesome, isn't it <3 i am really excited and i hope everything will work out fine. i am just so excited to go back 'home'. ahhhh, my god :) // soooo after a long bus ride i am finally there and decided to already see the show this night.. yaaaay!! it was so good :> also chris hugged me when i gave him my present :3