• 1.11 - getting all things planed for berlin, staying a night longer and getting home by bus. whatsoever. i don't care, i just try everthing to get what i want. and i love my mum :)
• 2.11 - wake up in the morning feeling like the last piece of shit - 3am! Off to the train, in berlin i immediately was able to get in my room which was awesome. later at the theatre i waited and as someone from the cast, who i knew, came i just asked and tadaa: serkan plays. could write so much more but i just leave it at that. HAPPYYYYYY!!!!!
• 3.11 - One of the best things about today: random guy at the stage door told me: "you had a lot of fun again today!!" haha how funny this was. definitely everyone was absolutely awesome today and very happy about that dancing, jumping and singing girl in the audience. i love this musical & i love the cast. a lot!
• 04.11 - and finally i also did other things in berlin :) also today's hiho show was awesome. finally i saw josie again on stage! and i sat in the first row again hahaha, oh god! josie also grinned at me from the stage, which was an awesome feeling! she was so lovely again at the stage door but i was so sad to go.. i really don't want to :(
• 05.11 - on my way back home. still fighting with my tears.. why do i love it so much? worst lovesickness i've ever had! gotta get over it and i have to understand that the world won't stop to turn..
• 06.11 - hm. still not better, maybe a bit. doesn't feel like crying every minute anymore, but as school starts tomorrow i just feel strange. also i finally wrote my whole report about the musical today and it feels good.
• 07.11 - don't fucking talk to me.
• 08.11 - when does this feeling stop. when does all this stop?! randomly crying and all this? doesn't even have to do anything with berlin and this (well, not all of it). just a all is shitty attitude at the moment. fear of my future. fear of everything. i just want to lay in my bed..
• 09.11 - okay, i guess, it just gets better. the weather today is nice which might lead to a better mood. it's okay.. :)
• 10.11 - yeah fucking last piece of shit again, i even left school because i didn't feel well. i felt better after sleeping for a while ♥
• 11.11 - i feel okay, i really do. and i am happy about it. still i have absolutely no desire to go to this fucking singing lesson tomorrow but well.. that's life, probably. i have to get through there. also watching amnesia let's plays is one of my favourite things to do atm
• 12.11 - yaaay, good feelings all round. i am not like 100% happy, still i am back to my old.. i don't know.. life.. and everything just seems alright. yeah. what a good feeling. probably will stop when the new exams start but.. it will be my last german & biology exam so - lots to celebrate :D
• 13.11 - i have to do homework & stuff (which i won't do anyway), but some days just feel good, you know. and today is such a day. plus my confession on tumblr was published and it just makes me feel good because... sometimes it's just good to say what you feel & don't be ashamed of it or anything. i don't know, i feel good because i didn't put that confession on anonymous. because it's just what i really think & everyone should know. // finally i fucking realised, that it doesn't matter what happens in january, i will go to berlin because i want to see tdv (and there can't be both actors off that i want to see, nope) & i will see hinterm horizont, at least two times. it doesn't matter who's playing, because i am there anyway & the next time i can go is in april so i will go and i will be happy because i love hiho and i don't care! it would be fucking illogical to say i won't go because serkan doesn't play - because then i won't only have to wait for april to see him but also to see hiho again. also drew does only play krolock till the end of january. SO NO FUCKING DISCUSSION OKAY! we are happy, whatever happens.
• 14.11 - weeeell. a friend of mine said i can go to berlin with her in december. i'd only have to pay the place i sleep in, and the tickets of course.. still.. it's crazy and oh god. i really can't decide. i really WANT IT but it feels strange you know :((( // okay. okay okay. calm the fuck down. i'll go for 13€ per night because i don't care. i will go.. depends what i will do there about hiho. maybe i'll only have a short talk with josie at the stage door? i don't know. i just let this happen. i need to wait for the cast first anyway. so yeah.. // you know that.. when you really, really like a song. and you know.. you just like it. and then suddenly, for the first time, you really HEAR what's sung. you hear the words... and they fit so well to your situation. god.. almost teared up. craziest moment EVAR!
• 15.11 - my birthday is in two months.. can you explain that to me? feels so strange. anyway, i finally told my mom about berlin yesterday and she agreed. now i still have to wait for proper information about the cast.. wish me luck <3 // i'd do anything to make you mine or at least... can i be yours?
• 16.11 - i was at the doctor this morning and they did a few kinds of tests which were better than expected. also.. idk why today i feel like eating sooo muuch. i annoys me, uuggh.
• 17.11 - i am SO TIRED. okay i am tired every thursday because i am home very late on wednesday.. still today it feels worse. buuut i was out of school earlier again so i have time to sleep.. also i have a idk.. test-singing lesson today at another school in cologne, i am very excited and also we will eat pizza after it in our FAVOURITE pizzeria ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ haaaaa. // OKAY seriously my probably new singing teacher is.. klsajlkdasfjflkasdjf!! FROM VIENNA, MUSICAL ACTRESS HERSELF AND SAID "der serkan ist echt toll, ne?!" what do i want more? absolutely nothing!
• 18.11 - when school is better than expected you already know, that this can only be a good day. also i got the last resulst of my test at the doctor and absolutely everything is alright. feels good :)))
• 19.11 - what a loveeeeely Day. Seriously... it just couldn't have been better!! first of all we won the first prize at the band contest!! after that we went to a friend's hut and just had an absolutely lovely evening! some things just were a Lot better than expected, especially the relationship to a certain person <3
• 20.11 - well today was a working day.. Not! haha i tried and was more or less successful. the most important Thing to do was cleaning and i did that to earn Money for my Berlin Trip.. now i still have to read my english Book again for the exam on tuesday.. blaaa!
• 21.11 - monday really is exhausting.. but i got all things prepared for tomorrow, now we'll see what's coming!
• 22.11 - EXAM FINISHED! was okay, english always works quite well, just have to wait for the result.
• 23.11 - happily i wrote a very important message yesterday and got the answer this morning so i can plan everything for berlin. i am so fucking excited, it's in NINE DAYS. helloohooo!!
• 24.11 - i am so tired.. because it's thursday again. waaaaaah!!! we got our prize from saturday, about 20€ for everyone yaaaay. money i really need atm xD
• 25.11 - yaaay i overslept today :((( awful but i got out of bed, got ready and drove to school in less than 7 minutes. if that ain't nothing!!! actually i can be proud haha. and i arrived still early enough. haaa.
• 26.11 - singing lesson again and it was sooo good, this time. my teacher complimented me and said i worked on the songs very well and THAAAT i have a good belt-voice which is AWESOME :D haaa so happy. really feels good :) i baked my first christmas cookies today and now the christmas season is officially opened. probably celebrate it with a bit legend of zelda today. because i started playing ocarina of time in my christmas holidays a few years ago :)
• 27.11 - after cleaning the house i am way too lazy to write anything here.
• 28.11 - exam in social studies, four and a half hours again! was okay, nothing special about ss. tomorrow is the mars concert, then i need to get through my last biology exam and then finally i'm back in berlin!!!!
• 29.11 - 30 Seconds to Mars today!!!!! i finally booked my hiho ticket for saturday today just because i was scared all the cheap tickets will be out until then. now i have to wait for the cast - i hope at least one of them is healthy again on saturday. PLEAAASEEE!! // Was a Great concert but i've already been on better indes by them! Also ist was WAAAAAAY to Short!
• 30.11 - fucking fucked up backache today. dying of pain and i had to go to the doctor. hopefully get's better soon!

everything awesome about this month:

• berlin
• three times hinterm horizont (in the first row)
• the loveliness of josephin busch
• seeing serkan kaya again ♥
• the random guy at the stage door
• the offer to travel to berlin in dec without paying for the ride
• my new singing teacher who likes serkan kaya :D
• the whole evening of the 19th nov
• mars concert

everything shitty about this month:

• serkan & josie not playing all shows
• going home
• school starts
• WORST PAIN IN MY BACK!

obessions:

• HINTERM HORIZONT ♥
• josephin busch
• serkan kaya