- Nadia and her family came here yesterday. Had a generally good day, I mean I went shopping (split up with them ofc) and bought a lot. love shopping! but idk, I just don't like her that much! I think she's rude and blunt and I don't understand why people like her, she's not joking. She kept making short jokes and it's like, why is it funny? I don't think it is. It's just my height. (Inside my head I don't care because all I think is I am so much more prettier than you so ha) But generally, good day. Tomorrow they're leaving so I can return to normal revision routine.
- went to physics today, so unprepared aah! I also looked rather drab whilst trying to look 'casual'. I am just not a jeans person. Saw jh. trying not to care. ooh and after we went prom dress shopping, and I bought my prom dress! It's lovely, cream and makes me feel princessy. we also went to eat at leaf. Overpriced and small portions, but the actual food wasn't too bad.
- got all my dt coursework done today, bar pictures of my final product which se is taking for me. sorrrted. wore my new denim dress and mint jumper today, and looked noice. did a lil' spa day for myself today and my skin is feeling fressssh.
- did physics today, think it went well. finished dt today, just need to print pictures of final product and done! really liked my outfit today, wore grey woollen dress with purple vintage jumper. talked to eb which was nice.
- felt a bit shit today during english. I dno I felt so tired and exhausted and I feel a million miles away from pl. I don't feel like we're close anymore... though Monday made me think otherwise, she never really tells me anything anymore.. like Britsol?? And really she just makes me feel awful about myself. But if even she's not my great friend anymore, I don't think I have one. Well. I think I'm completely alone now. I dno what to do. I'll try to talk to eb about it but she just always kind of like makes fun of me for it n I dno, but I think I need to talk to someone about it and try and put this in perceptiveness. However I have planned today to continue trying to feel optimistic and not dwell, and certainly not self-pity! we'll see how it goes.
- so today I just kinda tried to plan out my conversation with eb regarding pl and I just couldn't stop crying and it's just made me so sad. Because I really don't have any friends and it feels bloody awful. It feels even awfuler when people keep talking about the great summers they're going to have becus I know I'm not going to have a great summer so. And then I realised this is exactly what I made lz feel like. And then I thought maybe I deserve to feel like this. I've been so awful to her. I stand by why I'm not friends with her, we have nothing in common, but I could've dealt with it in a better way. I know I can't fix it, but I'm going to try really really hard to be pleasant to her and include her. I'm going to talk to Sana about this too. hopefully. I also thought, yes there's nothing I can do to change the fact that pl and I aren't close anymore, but I can at least try to focus on other things and I can at least try to improve my situation. Starting with being friendly to lots of people so I don't feel so lonely in school. And finding a job and/or volunteering job so I have a good summer and maybe even make some friends. so yeah. I need to work on that. Next weekend. This weekends pretty full. I'll ask tomorrow at fashion warehouse for jobs.
- monday was a really nice day. I think jh has properly noticed that I'm like avoiding him. he's not gonna do anything about it, so.
- today was shit. got so much dt to do I wanna die!
- today was pleasant in that stressful way when you get everything you want to do done and more. like satisfying. I miss jh so so so much I've been avoiding him and he knows it but I just miss him so much I kinda wish he'd put in the effort but I know he won't and I need to keep my distance.
- things with pl have gone back to norm and I'm glad bc I missed her. fearing my dt mark but at least I've finished (for now). miss him miss him miss him. was rude to him. miss him SO much. dno what I miss. wish I was friends with cs, so cute! why am I invisible to the male species??????
- lookbook photoshoot! feel nostalgic, I remember when we used to do things as a 4 aw. I prefer now though, even though I'm def ready to make some new friends. I'm so glad my frienship with pl hasn't been ruined, I thought it had since she'd got him ol. I'm really happy for her now, I really am.
- went for dinner at chilli banana with pl, jl, and their friends s & s. it was really nice! I really liked it, super nice night. I really liked sv, she was so nice! like so friendly and including. idk about sl, I feel like she just says abrupt things sometimes like quite brash and on the brink of rude and it just makes thinks awkward, but no, I was surprised at just how nice sv was!
- don't feel like I'm ever going to get over jh. until I meet someone new. I don't even try. when writing something nice about him I put 'impossible to dislike despite EVERYTHING. o.h thought that was ridiculous and untrue. I bet that will go on his nicest five things and I bet he hasn't said something nice nice about me, just like a neutral comment or whatever. It's sad how people don't feel about you like you do about them. had to sit with katie and lilly in founders day, so fucking lonely! silence! then went o starbucks with jemima, katie, bethan and sophie. really nice! had a blueberry swirl cheescake. katie was silent again. dno.
apr 8 2013 ∞
jan 2 2014 +