- I went to chill factore today. It reminded me how much I enjoy skiing but it also reminded me how shit I am at skiing. I know that's essentially what this holiday is for - improvement, but I'm just so scared that people are going to think I'm shit. Plus I'm doing it for GCSE - what if I get laughed at?! I'm actually so relieved I didn't go with pl. plus she sent me a picture of her costume, and it looks so much nicer than mine, how does she manage to do better than me in absolutely everything? I am also beginning to fear her looking better than me every single day in skiing.
- he annoyed me so much today, every time he talked to me, his conversation starters... I have no desire to speak to him! Absolute bore. Why did it take me so long to realise? Sm is so cute. I wish we'd speak. broke my glasses today, which made me immensely unhappy, miserable and unmotivated. If they won't fix them for me tomorrow i'm not sure what I'll do. Please God don't make me have to tell my parents again
- felt immensely shit today. I don't know - it's like people don't notice my existence. And that's a bit shitty. I feel very inferior. But I had really nice IT lessons with pl and tpr, and they were a lot of fun, and he's not a lot of fun. I had no desire at any point to talk to him, and I didn't miss him at all. I want somebody who would act stupid with me, and would put themselves (and their dignity) on the line for me. Not someone like him. I got my glasses fixed, which made me happy.
- I completely ignored him this morning, and in business he kept turning around, can he just leave me alone already. I did really well on my RS test, 19/20! I hadn't revised before the lesson either. In biology I had a really nice chat with eb. Its so strange to realise the people who you thought had a perfect life have it pretty hard too. Apart from ew. Her life is still perfect.
- today made me feel shit again just like everyday has seemed to and honestly I'm writing this a day late so I can't even remember why I felt shit today but I seem to be having January blues except its February now so it's getting old fast
- I'm beginning to fear skiing so much I don't think I'm going to be in the advanced group and when I was talking to pe teachers I was on the brink of tears. And my ca was so so wrong I feel incapable of doing anything right. I was rude to him today, except I didn't think it was very mean till eb told me it was. Sigh. Then he was looking at me chemistry and I just felt overridden with guilt. I was rude to him because I didn't want him to talk to me and now he definitely won't I'm not sure it's what I want. I'm not playing games, I just don't want the door to be closed.
- went to town with pl today, bought a lot, pretty much done packing now, getting excited again. had a good day. then did some work after getting home, helped mum, had a generally productive day. oh and I bumped into jl in town, it was awkward but maybe she thinks I have more of a life now.
- My day was centric around him. pl said he never holds anything I do against me - does that mean he just can't stay mad at me or he doesn't care? I am so over this.
- talked to him today. it was nice that he remembered I was going skiing - that probably doesn't mean anything. then he said he doesn't know when I'm being serious - I think that's nice, that sometimes I confuse him. I know that sounds horrible, but I just don't want to be the victim. Maybe I'm equally to blame for our failure? And then he mistrusted me when I said the business homework was a particular thing, which angered me. Filmed warm up and routine of aerobics today. So excited for skiing!
- SKIING WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD i miss it so much already i don't know if my parents will let me go again waaaaaaaaaah, i'm not going to bring it up again and instead i'll be reallly good (at least try) and after we get gcse results in summer i'll ask again and hopefully they'll let me go, as like a reward, because i genuinely had the best time ever and i would do anything to go again aaa.
- talked to him fair bit today but I really really don't like him at all I'm just an attention whore sigh
feb 3 2013 ∞
jan 2 2014 +