- I feel relieved that I've spread out my revision so much but it better end up working out for me, since hard work is supposed to equal achievement.
- kc came round today, she took 6 lookbook pictures for me, and then we played pool, coram board & checkers. I was expecting it to be quite awkward, but it was a nice day.
- sometimes in school I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I used to think he understands me more than anyone, but I've realised that's not true. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed.
- had my english exam today & I think it went awfully. I'm fearing my result so much, because everyone thinks I'm good at english and I'm not and the pressure has just maximized and I am so scared.
- watched tangled today. I feel emotionally unstable. The ending made me so sad, when it showed the happy kingdom, because kingdoms are never really like that.
- watched imaginary heroes today. it is moving and so sad. I prefer movies like that, that don't have a happy ending, just a moment at the end where everything is momentarily okay, because that's real life. bittersweet movies.
- sometimes I just can't stand being around people because nobody understands. I thought lb would but she doesn't. need a new plan. he drives me absolutely crazy sometimes, I feel like I'm in the same place I was 1 year ago, and that's the last place I want to be. He was quite lovely in chemistry though. I don't know - it's the little things that make my day, like offering to do the pipette thing in chemistry for me, because I couldn't do it.
- I wanted to wish him good luck. I'm unbelievably bipolar about this, but today I wished we were friends, just because I wanted to wish him good luck. Today was just average
- Had spanish exam and english role play today. In english, he was a bit aggravating. He made me so nervous about spanish. But then the tiniest little thing made me feel better - he got a chair for me. It's not the fact that he's doing it that makes me feel so nice - I don't like him - it's the fact that someones doing it for me. I wish we were friends a lot. I made a couple of snarky comments 'you'd know a lot about being sincere' but it was like he didn't even hear. Spanish was awful at first. I was literally just waiting till it was over. But then, thinking over, I thought that I'd found all the past papers really hard, and I'd done okay with them. I found myself wishing I was friends with sm today too. I swear to god, we are in a telepathic battle. The looks he gives me are not just his face. I don't know what, but he has something against me.
- had a nice lesson with eb today, I like talking to her a lot. I was also very cold to him. Its not satisfying. I'm not sure what is.
- developed an infatuation for as today. he's just so good-looking, even though he's an absolute tool. we finished school early today due to snow, and I was little disappointed because I had (false) hopes we may talk in biology. had a nice phone call with pl.
- had the worst headache today, but refused to take any painkillers. I don't understand myself sometimes. Somehow still managed to drag myself through all my planned revision. Watched fight club. I had difficulty trying to function normally afterwards. Absolutely incredible. I'd really like to talk to him about it.
- biology went smoothly,I didn't find it easy but it wasn't hard either and I'm thinking it went okay. really wanted to talk to him in IT today and I thought I really did like him, but then I went over and we talked till the end of the lesson, and it just felt so platonic. I don't like him at all, what's wrong with me? I was going to ask him why he screwed me over and if our previous friendship meant anything to him and if he ever had feelings for me, but the conversation we had today felt so platonic (from both sides) that I think maybe, when I used to like him, it was all in my head.
- physics exam was another huge relief... not that I think I've done brilliantly or anything. He completely obviously purposely ignored me today. Why? However, I'm proud to say I've restrained from talking about him all day... it's an achievement because I've wanted to several times, but I stopped myself. I'm going to try and forget his existence. It seems like the only option for me. I don't think he ever cared about me, so why am I wasting so much time on him?
- today I thought Cheshire oaks plans had been canceled but they hadn't, which was a nice surprise. I had a nice, tiring day. We bought Zara 3 new dresses, a hello kitty shirt and skirt set, Wellington boots and new shoes. I also played with her in the playground and she tired me out so much, but she was having so much fun it was worth it
- this week I haven't thought about him at all, it's been nice. I've found myself thinking about sm a lot, since I found out he wants to do medicine. I don't know - compassion is just lovely. I'd really like to get to know him next year. I hope sometimes he thinks about me, like he wishes we were friends or whatnot.
jan 3 2013 ∞
jan 2 2014 +