- I am so so so so so sad. I am so sick of feeling so shit and lonely and like I'm going to die alone. I don't know what's wrong with me, why can't I just be happy for her? It's just, I'm going to be 16 in two days, and I've never had anything with a boy. Anything. I feel pathetic. And she understood that. But now she's got her first boyfriend at 15 and all she ever does is pity me 'are u ok' I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so sick of it. Plus everybody makes fun of me. Everyone. Oh and bk and etc kept chanting my name and making fun of me and making racist jokes and I know it's all a joke but I don't like it. I feel like I'm spiraling into my sadness. Why am I such a self-pitying person.
- had such a great birthday! went to kasbah to eat, which is moroccan food, had a burger and chips, they were very different to anything I've ever tasted before, very good. Then we went shopping. I was a really great day, got the loveliest presents too!
- got my results today, quite happy. talked quite a lot to him today. and had a few encounters with sm too. fabulous.
- good things happen to those who deserve them. I am not one of those people right now. I have been an absolute jealous bitter bitch recently. I mean, she deserves this just as much as I think I do, and if I can't be happy for her, then I don't deserve it myself. I wish I could teach myself to stop being envious and jealous and bitter and be genuinely happy for her
- had a good day today. talked to him a lot today. we made fun a lot of him today it was so funny. and I think cm is so cute. He kept saying stuff to me in rounders but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I want to like him. that sounds insane. But I do, but I don't talk to him and I have near to no lessons with him, aside from PE, which is difficult because they normally do different sports to us. Sigh. I guess I'm stuck amusing myself with jh.
- had a really nice day. I wanted to go shopping this weekend but no one can come with me. kc and jl are both busy with work this weekend. Why do I have such few friends ugh. I really wanted to go shopping. Secondly, I talked to him outside form today after school. It was really nice and I couldn't stop smiling afterwards. He told me I can borrow any books of his that I want.
- I hate my life. tpr is now taken too. I am going to die alone. I have english tomorrow. I am the only single girl left in that whole class. I think I'm quite ready to die.
- had a up and down day. he looked really good today. I was really miffed he didn't compliment me. I mean, it'd just be nice for him to say 'you like nice today'. I did. so fucking annoying in english and chemistry. arrogant arsehole. when he was partners with lz I wanted to die. I kinda wish we'd been partners. lil bit. but then, we were talking, after and during chemistry, and at break, and it was really fun and nice. I dno.
- had a ish productive weekend. It was productive but I just felt so exhausted and bored and tired the whole time. I wish it was summer. I need a break. I watched the entire first season of make it or break it. So good.
- another turbulent day. my mock interview went really well, it was great. in chemistry he came in after his and he came over to me and it was really like, easy, I dno, I feel like we've gotten a lot closer. he was just like 'I'll tell you later' and jokey and it's really nice. It was really disappointing when he wasn't in IT. tpr and pl spent the whole hour talking about their boyfriends. to say I felt out of place was the understatement of the year. I really wished he was there. PE was great. just seven of us and we played indoor hockey then rounders and it was exhausting and so fun. I talked to him in the room after, kinda waited for him I'll admit it. It made me really smiley, I think we're in a good place (of friendship) right now.
- ignored me pretty much all today, don't even think he meant to, I was clearly looking too much into it again. I told pl. I hate myself.
- fuckin ignored me today in english and talked to/flirted with pl, a lot. why does she get everything??? she has olly, can't she leave me with this one thing! everybody prefers her and I'm fucking sick of it. I hate being second best!!! then she asked me if I talked to him in form even tho I specifically said don't ask me about it I just said 'I don't want to'. UGH. but we talked in form at lunch and after school but that's only because of the debate thing. idk. i really dk.
- tried to be productive today but I just wasn't able to finish everything I set out to do which was disappointing and by the end of the night I was just exhausted so I watched a film. ignored him completely. I know it's childish, but this is the only way I'm not lolling around feeling like shit. I mean I didn't ignore him in so many words, I was just off-handish and gave short word answers or no word answers, only using gestures.
mar 1 2013 ∞
jan 2 2014 +