• been listening to old faves of mine, feels super weird to realize I once had such a different taste in music - i think music becomes eventually central in one's life. the german says it is ursprünglich or der Ursprung it is and also Linn Ullmann says that her father - Ingmar Bergman - told her once that the older he gets the more music means to him. i can relate to it, only not due to getting old(er) but having a completely different life than i used to have, let's say in 2019.
  • i have realized no matter what i have to rely on myself one and only. in capital once again, just to stress things: you can only rely on yourself. cliché but true.
  • italki defines my new decade: spending money on virtual language classes feels the right thing to do.
  • having nightmares: tonight or to be more precise, this dawn i had an unsettling nightmare in which T. was having a love-affair with a girl named Berta and I just hate the name Berta because it reminds me of girls with short-hair and prominent collar-bones and a concave stomach and with a nice scent of vanilla and fresh linen and warm skin and happy eyes which are curling always upward somehow. it is to touch it and it is to taste it but eventually it is so understand it - once again, the german says nachvollziehen -. once you do that, it no longer defines you.
  • lass es sein.
  • ending school with the idea that academic studies are crucial but half-way realizing that it is nothing of a big thing, more like an idea which has been implemented in your life early on, probably in pre-school, i mean not academic studies but the idea of learning. the fact that throught learning can only an individual be their best self, thus life-long learning is essential. but. you are not defined by your degress, papers, publicatons, essays, books. no written or spoken words are worth that much of an anxiety. poetry is something else. also, a good prose. but do not let it become a profession. no canon, no such a thing can save you from yourself. feel and think and also observe but do not analyze.
jan 15 2020 ∞
jan 15 2020 +