- "to hell with brett. i've got a vibrator." *matt dillon laughs in the background* -there's something about mary
- "what is this? a center for ants!?!?" -zoolander ("how do you expect to teach children to read if they can't even fit inside the building!?")
- video of big ryan rolling down a hill in a wheelchair
- the soul glo commercial from 'coming to america'
- kristen accidentally farted in front of allan and "hoped he wouldn't smell it"
- "here she is! brian, i present to you your polished turd for the evening. FYI, the carpet matches the drapes. in color and quantity." -family guy
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1-a1Pe8gyY
- jim carrey as vera demilo on in living color. it never gets old.
- celebrity jeopardy on saturday night live. category: "colors that end in 'urple'" hillary swank: "what is light urple?"
- my doesn't-listen-to-r&b brother finds my mary j. blige cd in his playstation and snaps, "WHOSE MARY J BILGE CD IS THIS?" (yes, "bilge")
- an auntie puts a $5 bill into the collection basket at church and takes out four 1s.
- a lady in line for communion at church has no idea she has a bra hooked onto the back of her sweater.
- smook's aunt wants to fight me because my boyfriend yelled at her about a wine cooler. (his exact words: "bitch, there's no wine cooler!")
- some other random girl wants to fight me because i took a paparazzi picture of her calves.
- this entire celebrity blog about the hills >> http://imbringingbloggingback.blogspot.com/search/label/steve%20sanders --they call spencer 'steve sanders' throughout the entire thing. (steve sanders as in 90210.)
- doctor to rachell's brother: "has anyone ever told you you have a swollen neck?" (i think he's always been self-conscious about his neck, and that people actually do joke around about it.) 'no.' doctor: "well, you do."
- k*vin & rachell, the most random summer fling of all time. especially now that it's over and they hate each other.. the stories keep getting better and better. ("the more they make her forbidden to me, the more i want her!") (...)
- michael ian black on clarence thomas (on vh1's i love the 90s): "clearly clarence thomas enjoys adult entertainment. what supreme court justice doesn't? rehnquist? perv. sandra day o'connor? freak. scalia? animal."
- "do you need help, ma'am......ster?" -ging
- grown ass dude tries to act hard, only to get his glasses slapped off (...) the victim shall remain unnamed, i guess. haha.
- "veronica corningstone and i had sex and now we're in love!" -anchorman
- someone got trashed and threw up on her coat, then wore it for an entire week afterward because she didn't remember/know she threw up on it. (this person may or may not be me. in 2005.)
- paul says he wants to wear depends so he doesn't have to stress himself out looking for a bathroom.
- "nice vest! i think my GRANDPA has that vest!"
- "i can't believe 1. i met phi 2. he touched me 3. this guy's hair." ("samoaullet")
- vanta had to take her inhaler when we met the jabbawockeez.
- "why are your shorts SO SHORT?" "why are long pants long? why are bushes bushy?"
- "i thought you said she was a spark plug!" "no, i said 'butt plug.'" -something about mary
- chris rock - no sex (in the champagne room). "the odb couldn't have possibly committed all of those crimes. coolio did some of that shit."
- "
she doesn't even go here!" -mean girls
- bangs - take u to da movies
- in old school- when will ferrell is doing his floor routine and dean pritchard tries to grab the ribbon. shit is so hilarious.
- "my jeweler said the ring was 'cool'..."
- aziz ansari in observe & report - "why the fuck would i blow up chick-fil-a? it's fucking delicious!"
- "that song is so f*cking gay. i think even if you're not gay, you can listen to it, and it will make you gay." -paul's cousin on "i knew i loved you" by savage garden
- "da butt" by e.u.
- "who the f*ck is dante yates?!"
- 072611: coworker picks up a mysterious tube of topical cream outside of our work bathroom and leaves it in kitchen with a note asking whose it is. other coworker says that's for someone's asshole chafing because if it was for their arm or leg, they wouldn't need to go to the bathroom to put it on.
- your first name? hold on one second please. (puts headset on mute) this dude's name is igor. what, are you from fucking transylvania?
- rach on my eye doctor, whom she works with: "he looks like an ostrich." and i dont know how this is even possible, but he really does look like an ostrich.
- "she took a giant shit on my face. literally." / "literally?" / "no, not literally. that's disgusting. jesus, what's the matter with you?"
feb 18 2008 ∞
aug 19 2011 +