- hey, whats up. nothing here, i heard you fell.
- haha i walked into smooks house with a huge smile and mook was sitting on the couch and he was like ew rachell. whys ur face like that.
- SOOO CUUUUTE!
- hahhaah sooo cute..that's hilarious...i can see u doin that..lol u were prob talking about phi or ben bc u kept making faces everytime u were near them.
- so you know that storm that just hit like an hour or two ago? ya i was out on a boat, that started sinking and had to get on a coastguard boat that had to save us. / well btw the reason i text you originally was cuz after we got to land the coast guard guy took his jacket off and was wearing a jabbawockeez shirt hahaha
- haha oh i remember. omg kevin told me i accidentally left him a vm with me u and ted talking about the "jwocz," as he called them.. and i was like "it was the best day of my liiiife!" ..he still has it. embarrassing.
- (picture of george bush) i'm just gonna go ahead and sign this bill and uuuhhhhhh
- we were playing catchphrase and they were like "the guy with the hair that says ur fired!" and i was like "harry truman!" and smook was like.. "u shouldve said genelles hair!" haha
- ecstasy. crack. a hotel room beside theirs to stalk them.. binoculars to look thru their room.
- i asked gavin what he wanted for his birthday and he said pants.
- so 7575154140 just called the house n the phone id said ur name... i answered with a chinese accent "no. 1 may i help you" ...it wasn't you... unless you have a good black man impersonation.
- this is gay. (i know.) do you want to share this blanket. (yes.)
- i hope it rains i wanna make out with you
- i apologize again for ***'s ugly actions. and face. bdsa.
- i will see your running man and double or nothing with my scissor kick plee-a into an aerial with a strong finish.
- um, grow up, genelle. (im off all weekend, set it up.)
- "guess what dis iss.. (what..) sowt pole. its an expensib bran! (let me take a picture)"
- can i dress up like you and get a man bowl cut wig and a pink turtleneck and smile funny all night.
- i wonder when this old ass bitch in my class is going to retire after we graduate.
- we throw turkey at her.. and she catches it in her mouth.
- i heard its going to rain. i think we might have to wear plastic food lion bags over our hair. and sneakers.
- we should have jcs with fucked up bangs.
- haha we show up at work the next day with a hangover and an unwashed, unapologetic jerry curl.
- your jc is all bouncing around as you're yelling.
- well i did that last night. omg did we just spend another hour texting each other about jerry curls!? that must be why i have to buy my lab table drinks next week! the j curls are ruining our lives!
- wanna go with me for a drink on friday for kristen's birthday? / i don't think you want to be anywhere near me on friday. that's jerry curl day. / oh yeah. / i mean, if you want me there, i will be there. oozing afro sheen. / well, is it flammable? what if people are smoking?
- ...i know da troof.
- he's making up lies now. when we did it, we just did the regular old fashion positions. kinna. why would i toe fuck anyway. i hate when people touch my feet. duh. let alone, a penis.
- it was old and dry! and probably washed many many times! you know those stains don't "cum" out.
- just takin time 2 say i love you, bec. yesterday is gone, today is almost over, and tomorrow isn't promised. / hey. uh, i love you too. / way to make it awkward, genelle.
- Fwd: How do u know when u r 2 drunk 2 drive? ..When u swerve to miss a tree and realize its the fucking air freshener hanging on the mirror.
- do you think it's symbolic that the vix posters just fell down? like the banners on abdc?
- is paul going out tonight. i need to know who to not invite.. and who to tell to wear contacts.
- omg genelle rach broke her symbalsy
- do you need to borrow money for my lunch that you owe me? i got you, bffn. / sure. haha. we sit down with the food and youre like, "wait a minute..." / hahah.. and you already have half stuffed in your mouth. / and then you flare your nostrils and flex your butt. / and smack your glasses off
- are you with paul. / no. why. / (picture of phi) this is why. delete.
- the gods decided to reward me for going to school in the armpit of America
- um. i did something bad.
- obviously. i mean. come on. what was i to do.. just.. not do him? psh. tih. tss. fuh. chh.
- genelle diaz g*rdiola! *hands on hips*
- i just saw an extreme case of male birthing hips. he had big thighs, too. what the...
- true that, my minority sister. / haha. (i have to pull you aside later and explain to you that you're actually not a minority.) / What?! / you're like the black kkk guy on the dave chappelle show.
- heartbreaker, rachell f*entes, denies all 3xing allegations. poor italian biker, professor, dumb white boy, excedra.
- i just got home from walmart. i saw glasses and arm and we followed them so we can laugh at how ugly of a couple they are.
- haha. they should make a rotary dial cell phone. that would be stupidest cell phone ever.
- uhh dont hate on the pajama pants btw. / only if you dont hate on my yoga pants, ridiculous socks, glasses, purple headband, bloated face, and zit. delete.
- "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, GENELLE?!" -me
- haha. you have some new-age truman hair in that pic. that's innovation. / haha well you know how im always more extreme in everything we do.
- sigh. lets never talk about this again. my ship has sailed. i fucked up bad. / haha. its true though. couldve gotten high. and cried. (tears of joy)
- god. tell me about it. my heart is beating all fast and i have butterflies in my stomach. like i just had my first kiss.
- i wasn't secretly rooting for the boogie bots! i do not get excited when i see the boogie bots.
- FWD: psshh, whatev. u know u'd pick a jwoc over me.. even 1 of the jabroni ones like the guy you made out w haha. tell auntie zenny i said happy thanksgiving
- i told my mom i didnt know if i was going to joe's grad. she was like why, where is it. 'i dunno, it's somewhere far' and she was like 'dont go, thats too far' and im like 'mom, i didnt even tell you how far it was.'
- "ohhh shhhiiit t shirrrrrts! o. what the. what the fuuuuuck! awww yeeeah!" haha
- "WHAT? it was just an orgasm. geez. WHATS THE BIG DEAL"
- i remember now- it used to be jayvon's crabs. now it's k-ville bar and grille. / Hahaha. Poor jayvon. Looks like his case of crabs cleared up!
- wing king lights up my life. / I've been burpin it up allllll day holla!
- but we have to make cinnamon coophies. don't you want the aroma of phi's post-performance sweat in your mouth.
- i think i kind of would like to say it.
- i usually wait too. the guy usually says it first and i respond with a thanks until about 4 or 5 months later. but. damn. his nephew is so cute.
- damn our bagger boy at the commissary has got it goin onnnn.
- All I can think about is you throwing up and ***** screaming "FUUUCK YOOOOU!" Hahaha. God I need some wings.
- so we are snowboarding right now and ate gina not only ate it, but she took two teenage girls down REALLY HARD. one girl was laid out like a chalk outline.
- remember that one time when we went to xs and your ex coworker confessed his love to you through email.
- [2 days later] (picture of me hugging that ex coworker and cheesing my ass off - completely wasted - that night at xs) maybe you gave him the wrong idea.
- you cant get a contact stuck behind your eye. theres a wall there. i just said 'holla' to the guy next door. shit. it just came out cuz he said he was going to call me and then he peaced out. hopefully he didnt hear me.
- [on a package that was delivered to our work neighbors on accident] it was probably the jerky mailman. / i hope his ipod cord strangles him. just kidding.
- i just put a new sheet of labels in the printer, and a fax came over.
- (picture of my spanish teacher who was previously described as looking like dwight schrute with rihanna's haircut) and he is truly, truly nerdy. he wears his usb drive around his neck. / [at same time] he looks like a math teacher. is that a lanyard around his neck? maybe he speaks spanish because of his foreign wife. / do you see his dwight-ness, though? or is it all in my imagination... / if his hair was shorter, then they could be of the same family stone. / yeah. also, do you see the rihanna-ness. / his current hair is very Disturbia. the high forehead does him no favors.
- does kid rainen like older white women with big butts?
- i love this. FWD: you should know better, you fucking idiot. NO ONE thinks that's funny but you, me, and paul.
- FWD: what the... how!? how do you break a huge fake cock. you know what... dont answer that.
- she put on the aqua vix upside down, so the sliders were under her arms. (shakes head in disgust) / what an idiot. no wonder the other tops were baggy on her. like that woman who said that all the bottoms were too big in the front and small in the back. i bet she was wearin them backwards.
- oh foreal. (OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!) is she like.. going to link up with samoaullet & the jabbawockeez to discuss this. (!!!)
- oh laaaaawd, girl. laaaawd. wait, lets not get our hopes up again. (im going to start the bulldozer up so its ready for may).
- haha telescopes. got one! actually.. i have binoculars too.. both from *******. god, he was so gay.
- uh, i'll be there in a few. got caught up. / you just did paul. / did not. he's going with big ryan. try to keep your tongue to yourself. delete.
- i hope i wasn't the only one that received this text at 2:46 am. ted FWD: Nigga call me
- this guy's occupation: erector. (pfff) / that's probably the politically correct term for porn star. you should totally give him the eye after his appointment.
- i would die for her retarded potato shaped body.
- Someone kept giving these exasperated sighs in the BART train. Hilarious.
- My old super Bulgarian classmate changed his last name to Hunter. This fool is fooling nobody.
- bboy. short. like 3'5". mexican. bad car. no job. together for 4 yrs.
- whos that fellow in the sweater vest.. / ross gellar from quest. / [we're sitting next to each other and rachell shouts-] that's what i was gonna say!
- btw i fell asleep holding my coffee and i woke up with coffee all over my bed. my new mattress is soaked and is going to permanently smell like coffee. you know, i wouldnt have needed that shit if we just left at 11. gah! (jk. its all good.) not really. (no, really. its fine.) ugh. (dont feel bad.) man.
- [picture of the larry bird christmas ornamet] i'm sure your test was a slam dunk! / sorry but that is inarguably a jump shot.
- The only thing gayer than listening to pink is listening to a dance mix of pink.
- A FREE DOUGHNUT! Is paul the greatest, or what?!
- [picture of collapsed stool from smook's house] Omg i broke the stool. Im fat. Good thing i didnt break my ankle
- i think i have walking pneumonia. or im dying.
- the only clean socks i can find are fubu.
- [picture of black fubu ankle socks] i'm definitely not taking my pants off with these.
- come with ahhhhh!! me to the bar
- there. i told him. are you fucking happy. 23.
- hahah i like long walks on the beach and pho...that's my perfect date. you: i can take u on that
- "omg! i'm surprised it could still walk! its like a giant salami. or have you ever seen unsliced bologna? he looks like that." -esther on bj
- [picture of josh in a kiddie swing, crying] omg josh is stuck ive been trying to get him out for 20 min and i cant.
- i understand your reasoning! i understand your reasoning!!
- "yeah i dry fucked her! like in middle school! how is she?"
- my teacher just did the cabbage patch.
- rachell and i saw asian prince in the foodcourt tonight.
- i asked my coworker if i can eat her muffin that she left here. FWD: Yeah sure i'm in love ain't thinkin bouts no muffins
- Man i was going to message u on fb then u signed off and i messaged someone named florence that i havent talked to in years
- he got mad & took my phone to look & delete the photos. best believe i wrestled him with all the strength in my soul. it was like when a mother lifts the car up to rescue her trapped child.
- last night i dreamed i got my final back and the teacher wrote "you can't be serious" on the last page. like 'you couldn't seriously think this was an acceptable essay.' i wonder if it's too late to kill myself... ok bye. / was your professor ramsey's feet? / no. tonight you're gonna have a nightmare that it's the 1st day of school and you walk into the classroom and ramsey's feet are in the front, writing its name on the chalkboard, and handing out your syllabus. / well i'd be teacher's pet since his feet are in love with me. so its pretty much an easy A. / if dale knew that, he probably would have grown some crooked toes on his head and covered himself in powder.
- im going to go ahead and take the day off. / you can't. you're scheduled at 3 to cover the salesfloor during my suicide.
- im going to be the only one wearing a gray towel with a cow tail pinned to it, arent i.
- haha. did you ever get macked on in wawa? this guy asked me for my # once & i told him to meet me there at the same time the next day. totally didnt go back.
- next, bogard. / i will run over her with the mbd before she gets up with him. can i have some sour patch kids. / haha you come in and she's in bogard's bed. so bogard tries to do damage control by texting you a cow. but it doesn't work, and you do the mad cow. / haha stop it. ew. ew. ***** in bogard's bed. ugh. *mad cow stance* "BOGARD LAMBERT SULLIVAN THE THIRD!"
- hurry... ****** is body rolling. on camera. / ew. oh god. i slowed down.
- we'll bring pictures of jabba so its like theyre sharing the experience with us. & then we'll drive by speedy's at 4 am and throw a brick through the window.
- i had a dream rachs sister got her brows did and she was pissed cause it was in the shape of a magicians mustache
- man this lady is running towards the bus. then she stopped to ask me how to get to it. then she asked what a crosswalk was.
- tell me why im drinking with a guy who works at medieval times... lol this fucker hates it there....
- he's gayer than us holding hands under a blanket that we're sharing. while listening to only hope in the background. & antioxidants in the room. without colt.
- (message appears to be blank. then i scroll down, literally, 25x) asshole.
- my doctor parked beside me yesterday & asked me to explain the horse on a stick in my car...
- i did not. you know how much others lie. and i tell the truth.
- i cant find that pic of arethra franklin in my photo album. / haha. you spelled "aretha" like "urethra."
- (response to photograph of something disgusting left in one of our fitting rooms) What a gross asshole. I mean, do they think we're their slaves?!
- and besides, it's only if paul were less cute, older, chubby and black. with a lazy eye.
- your moms killin the line dancing. she left then another song came on and she ran back to the dance floor.
- spotted. large togee woman with knocker hairbands sleeping on the train with a shirt "got jesus? its hell without him." xoxo gossip b.
- we can have a pedophile coming out party of february 11, 2010. / we should rent an old chevy van and hang out @ the playground.
- youre the one with the fb. smook sent this 10 mins before you sent the fwd. you guys are freaks.
- i know i woke up and i was all like what the fuck cause im so used to having you when i wake up
- **** brought this white girl there who brought her own 40 (colt45!) & everyone was all like, "o damn, she gangsta..." bitch, please.
- i'm sitting here with kesha. she wants my advice on what weave she should get next. shes on shake-n-go.com.. we are now looking at snap on bangs.
- i really hate the free credit report commercials its so lame and the guys a fucking tool it makes me want to change the channel or turn the tv off
- i actually like that commercial. its a snazzy jingle. dont tell paul.
- i just had a $200 return. from 9:30 sat night. what a lousy bitch.
- a customer just referred to havaianas as "susquehannas." no joke. thank you & have a nice day.
- isnt **** so nerdy bdsa. / yes. hes always like 'hey thexthee' or 'hey gorgeouth' to me when i see him.
- fuck. my wawa receipt just cut off the klondike bar. son of a...
- april after i told her i wont come in on my day off just to entertain her FWD: All you care about is YOURSELF!! Waaahhh... *runs out of the room crying*
- Am i too old to wear a Twilight shirt? Im this close to purchasing one online...
- So i texted some people paula sed... Wtf rach is preg?
- Did rach n brez hug each other when they found out it was a girl.
- esther said her baby brother was supposed to be an emily & that he tucked it in the whole time. and when he came out they didnt have a name for it so they had to name him jeff.
- this lady is going on her honeymoon and was like, 'i'm so excited. he's never seen me like this before.' bitch was wearing a sunsets skirted bottom.
- I'm sorry to text you so late but I had to get this off my chest... ******* has a new gf and they have the same haircut.
- ...And when i was jumping and going crazy, kevin d. licked my face. I exited the dance floor immediately and washed my face. And was grossed out the whole night.
- was he ever hot? i always thought he was kind of faggy. / "faggy" would be the kid who plays harry potter, who is in a broadway play, where he's naked with a horse. what the hell. / ok... why do you know that? / why DO i know that?! jk. saw it on E channel's child stars gone sexy, or something. / "or something" translation: i'm a paying member of his fan club.
- have you had to buy bigger panties yet. ...me neither.
- tell rachell to have an auntie buy her a box of bigger so-ens.
- Omg to rachs enhanced boobs
- my body was cramping when i laid down and i figured that i did not consume any potassium. ...or the swag surf dancing was a lil too harsh.
- Who the fuck is that? Lol I don't remember that at all
- There was an earthquake in samoa and my cousin asked me if i was ok
- I think **** was better of w **
- Tank top cate
- Jackson michael blanket chamone cate
- If it makes you feel any better, after KO told auntie about Jaden, she left and said she had to poo
- barney morris. the name flows like wine. / that sounds like a low rent attorneys name..haha
- His bald spot is to the side of his head. How does that happen?
- Ew. Jen *****'s face on her facebook pic takes up the whole square.
- its ok. im going to ride this out. like a true gangster. that is pregnant.
- That's got to be a mistake! I would never write anything that idiotic!
- Omg brianelle. I think melissa is trying to come between us. We must dispose of her.
- & apparently the beach house will have no blankets, towels, pillows, beds, floors, doors, etc...
- I just stood outside for half an hour in a scooby doo costume
- My friend michelle told me "you just gotta find the right style for your shoulders" after i told her i have football player shoulders.
- Omg what was the song at the save the world dance where ricky broke it down?!? / what is love by haddaway!!! / Hahahahaaa. Omg I love it. Its like we were there.
- Oh no i forgot to put deodorant on
- I just passed the great american outlet mall and thought of you.
- Call me later. Too much to text. Ends with ****** calling ****** and screaming FUCK YOUUUUUUUU
- I have 2. Want me to save it for you if you move out later? / oooh. can you? please? / Sure. I have some other things for you, too. I'm streamlining my kitchen. / i don't want your dead bugs. / You ungrateful #?*+!?*
- 1 lb or more boneless beef, 2 lb knockle bone, 1 cp vinegar, 1 pck pho spice seasoning, rice noodles, bell bottoms sweet shirt and gay asian voice
- oh no there's some lady on here who said she needs a makeover bc she got bit in the face by a dog. / she wont win no makeover can help that
- How bout we wear all black and accessorize w/ colorful scarves? Too cute! Like solid colorful scarves. / [40 minutes later] (sigh) ok, so i only got a response from one of u about the all black w/ scarf idea. And that person informed me that (he) threw up in his mouth...
- ive been eating powdered donuts that sprinkled all over my scrubs & now i look like a pregnant crack addict.
- Stfu. Is this an asbiola in the making. This baby will never get thrown over your shoulder and spanked at farm fresh while you shop for ice cream.
- Let's set her up on a blind date with someone awful. Like *** *******. Or maybe ***** ********. He can exfoliate her skin on the regular with his rough hands.
- "I drank so much I threw up blood!" -**** ......Our quotes are waaay better!
- "I'm breaking up with you" -**. "No" -**** "Yes" -** "No" -**
- Its like if my life was new moon and I was bella and **** was jacob and u were edward and I'm all "don't make me choose jacob, coz ill choose edward. every time!"
- Haha remember they shut off the movie that nobody was watching and yelled at us! Who the fuck pees in oxy pads. And who the fuck uses oxy pads anyways?
- i hate you. im going to take a horrible picture of you opening your presents with your neck fat hanging out & send it to everyone.
- I saw one of your friends in my store. She's pregnant too. What the fuck are yall doing? Having conception parties?
- you dont want them learning how to get wasted from, like, auntie richelle. tih. it's gotta be you, auntie smook, or (daddy/uncle) paul. / definitely not ** also. sleeping on people's penises. they gotta get it right, get it tight.
- my maternity poo is so nasty. its like my butt explodes every time. i sent smook a picture & she screamed. ok last tmi, last text.
- those are old skid marks / you say it like that makes it ok.
- she kept telling me how it had to be long enough because she was not going to wear any panties. Ew
- Hi babes im gonna keep calling you like that jewish girl on jersey shore
- Pffffffftttttt she didn't even go to anus party / Omg. Manus. To Manu's. Fucking iPhone. She didn't even go to anus party / haha. "you know, the anus party!" not my kind of party...
- i like how we were talking about how awesome lady gaga is while i was pooing.
- um. i think im going into labor.
- Juneau Makenna Fuentes Torres =] born 11:20 a.m. with lots of pain & pushing.
- i love you too! omg this is crazy. my crotch.
- My sister was hiding in my closet and caught me dancing to bad romance naked after i showered bdsa
- Me: "No, larry! You can't eat cheetos for breakfast!" Larry: (with mouth full) "Why? Am I gonna DIE?!"
- [picture of juneau appearing to smirk] juneau thinks that is absolutely ridiculous & she just poled in her sleep.
- youre going to be all calm & chill during labor. like the time you almost drowned in the ocean.
- [something about 'i'm gonna pack my so-ens when i go to the hospital'] / ew bit, you own so-ens?!?! hahaha / Maaaaaan! My moms be buying me packs when she goes to PI! Lol shut up.. Hahha
- vanta said juneau looks like shes wearing a wig. i wonder if joey will come out with truman hair.
- Can you make me your 2nd or 3rd text when you go into labor? (Or first, but I figured that would be pushing it)
- Your cervix sucks
- i'm still 4 goddamn cm. w. t. f. / Jesus Christ can't you just take a pair of tongs and help yourself
- Aw! New background. I love him. Oh no im crying
- Man someone just txtd me saying i look like george lopez
- poo discomfort??! because i was constipated for like 4 days & finally poo'd out a baseball bat. anywho. beware of the postpartum poo. youll feel violated.
- This lady is walking around with her child in a baby bjorn. The baby is wearing a helmet.
- my friend's status update on fb: "somebody please tell me how you out riding a motorcycle (a sports bike @ that) w/ a handicap license plate...smh" / Point. I laughed out loud at that.
- we were serious alcoholics... / i know. it's pretty funny.
- Ice t replied to me on Twitter. Admit it: you're jealous.
- [paparazzi photo of person with a long, strange mullet-type hair style using a laptop; photo taken from behind so face isn't visible] Yes that is a dude
- I asked him if he was pissed and he said "She better come correct with a lollipop when she gets off" hahha
- i just thought of the time ted showed up at xs and was bodyrolling in his white hoodie. / that was an extremely hard body roll from what i can remember. / the hardest of all time. and the worst part was how hard he was smiling while he did it.
- [picture of gorgeous new vitamin A swimwear we received at work] / I just screamed out loud in the hallway of my school!
- [same picture - i mass texted it to all my co-workers] / WHEN I win the contest, I want that yellow suit & the multicolored cover. That thing is euphoric. I think I peed a little...
- FWD: way to go, tard. way to go. maybe later i'll accidentally send her a text about taking off my bra and having a piece of linoleum there with eddie breakdancing on it.
- ...wtf. mook said you can climb *****'s neck to the moon. bdsa. to ********.
- Happy first mothers day to my two best friends love u guys!
- WHAT DID YOU GET FROM TIFFANY'S?! Is it a "cool" lucite ring?!
- I just crapped and held the class up for 10 min...... awesome
- i had a dream that juneau's first words were 'musculoskeletal system'
- Yeah, i got the super pads. 48 count. The pads that give u a penis bulge in ur pants. Ugh!
- They r awful. I walked in n my dad says heidi has something for you. Oh lord, what is it this time... 'kotex' he says.
- paul after i didnt answer 3 of his phone calls FWD: Excuse me i won a prize
- HOLD UP. HOLD THE FUCK UP. THEY ARE PLAYING NO DIGGITY IN THIS STARBUCKS.
- And then I saw renato, and he was like, "Did you have fun at the party last week?...That's good....So, who's that girl who was with you?"
- [picture of... well, read on. amazing.] Excuse the pitch darkness--it's 4am-- but yes, that is a vw truck.
- smook FWD: Bitch! you made me choke on my food
- I just punched myself in the eye taking off my sports bra. Jesus.
- I was pretending that gabbie was invisible and i was fake crying and she punched me in my eye
- Fortunately, the white neighbor next door, whose porno catalog was accidentally sent to our house, still lives there. Please imagine your 13 year old self opening the mailbox to see an advertisement for "cum guzzling sluts 4"
- Big penis.... So I hear / ...from ****. haha / And ****** / And ***** / And ***** / And ****** / Haha. ****'s penis- they myth, the legend, the fantasy. / Haha. Listography. / Haha for real. With names censored please. / Yes
- [pathetic picture of a single piece of swimwear on an otherwise empty bar] And then i got back to the store and saw this. Thank god it's centered! Otherwise i might have noticed the bar was empty!
- [from my babysitters...] Rach was asking if you had a plunger / ... Upstairs in gabes bathroom. / Alright cool. We have everything under control
- I was shy to tell ur mom that I was allergic to bananas. And I was just going to pop like 3 benadryls
- I just looked in the mirror and saw a small trace of oreo on the courner of my mouth. From 2 hrs ago.
- JD just admitted she had (has) a crush on MacGuyver. / [at the exact same moment] He is ruggedly handsome!
- Geugh. / Pronounced "jeff"
- [via message from that very phone] How do I send messages on this phone?
- [5:04 am] Vanta. I just woke up from a dream that included our girls, Jabba, Nas, Drew Barrymore, and Theo Huxtable from The Cosby Show. Wtf.
- [guy she previously made out with]? [other guy she previously made out with]? Count me out. Wait. Did you say beer.
- I went downstairs and ****** is talking about being pregnant. Back upstairs.
- I just saw *****. He has slicked back hair. / I just saw *******. He was running through a used car parking lot crying.
- We realized yesterday that you actually do automatically develop the fob accent when you have kids.
- ******** asked me if i thought she was fat. I said yes.
- She asked if i would want my friends to tell me if i were fat. I said I guess. Then asked.
- Well I don't have toilet paper. Only one thing to do
- Remember when we watched the nkotb concert with the jabbawockeez. / Yes :( / & ****'s body roll :(
- Whoever invented speaker phone must not have been or known a shit talker.
- I had a dream that kris kardashian died, and I was in her will. I was holidng mason and kim and I decided to start a babysittiing business.
- [christmas weekend, via fb] I wonder how many assholes are getting engaged this weekend. / [via text] btw my mom just got engaged yesterday. i win.
- Just letting you know that there are 5 adults in this car singing BSB songs.
- Orland's most played on his ipod: Don't Stop Believing... Any Way You Want It... Single Ladies... -wait, what?
- We just looked at KOs top played songs and Single Ladies is number 4
- orland goes straight into denial as Denise reads it out loud
- Gabe and KO were singing 2become1 to each other. / The ambiguously gay duo of cousins.
- [picture of the cover of 'Hurley' by Weezer] Isn't this the guy from Lost? He's on the cover of the Weezer cd. I bought it cause I support my girl Smook. / What the hell is smook doing on the cover of a weezer cd & how come she didnt tell us. / I don't know dude. I feel all left out and shit.
- I just had a dream I was on an island / Pfffffffff
- "Uh, news flash: you can't get pregnant from swallowing!" / Hahaha!!! Well... You can't!
- Are we going to xs for juneau's bday. / Damn it you spoil everything.
- Juneau just called eddie gutierrez.
- [response to previous text, but it just looked better on a line by itself] So did you talk to him or what. / Yeah we had a long conversation about the chargers, living in san diego & playing video games. Then i asked if he can call phil on 3 way & he hung up on me.
- Are we going to xs tonight. "Happy bday Juneau and R*ymond"
- [before Lauryn Hill show] I hope she sings joyful joyful / Hahaha. I'll be like, Rita! Rita!
- My hair is going to smell like this dudes breath.
- So what did b do for Valentines, buy you a Porsche....... / No. A ferrari.
- Remember those day (singular) when we used to go to the beach and get high & cry. / Gy. Golden day (singular). / That was the good ol' day.
- Did you shoot [guy that other person used to like forever] a bday holler. / Yes ma'am. At 9 am. ......In retrospect I should have waited til at least noon. / I thought you would have had your finger on the send button at 11:59. 9am is late. ...for you.
- I didnt make out with anyone did i / Just [xbf's ugly cousin]. No biggie. Oh, and the toilet bowl. You need a long, hot shower if you didn't already take one. / Took one as soon as i read that
- What did your upgrade-stealing ass want from hawaii again? Hahaha jk. / Hey, I didn't steal your upgrade! Wait, is Paul getting me an iPhone?!??!! / Oh fuck. Uh. No. I don't know. Fuck. Shut up. Delete these texts.
- Maybe I'll get a nose job for the hell of it. And find out later than rhinoplasty is not covered. Haha I'm standing at the receptionlist desk with a bandage on my nose and my HSA card keeps getting declined. / Haha & you get a bill for $57,000
- [upon discovering Colt 45 Blast] Omg!!! I dont know how to feel right now. Im gonna cry.
- [upon discovering Colt 45 Blast] This is beautiful
- I am so weak right now. / Why. As in LOLing. Or frail.
- Strawberry lemonade? Strawberry watermelon?? Blueberry pomegranate??? These flavors are fucking off the chain! We dont even need to add antioxidants!
- Did you hear about the guy that has the worlds biggest penis. 13.5 inches long & 8 inches in circumference. Ugly dude. Fat. Shame. / What a waste! Anyway that's a little too much circumference. ew. / I know. Gross. It was on chelsea lately. She was like, "we tried to interview the ladies he slept with but they all died." / laughing with mouth closed. / Hmhmhmhmhm.
- Theres an uncle in my office wearing a suit. ...and crocs. / Is he singing the Friday song too. / Yes. / [2 hours later] Wait I was half asleep when I read that and I was thinking gators.
- Watching true life. Theres a transgender filipino chick (err.. Dude?) named Domaine. / Hmhmhmhmhmhm. / Hmhmhm
- Well to tell you the truth. I don't feel like a "g" when i drink it because of all the artificial fruit flavoring.
- Fruit helps Snoop grow his braids long and shiny. / Snoop probably takes prenatal pills.
- Fuckin Rachell sent me an email entitled "something you already know" and in it was a link to an article about the secret to Donald Trump's hair.
- Oh no joey wants to be A model he just stuck his finger down his mouth and threw up his lunch
- Next weekend is going to be a goatfuck.
- So did you get hacked or were you just drunk when you sent that msg. 3x. Haha. Wait 4x / Butt dial / Your butt didn't write that sentence. / It pasted it
- I accidentally hugged christian in my sleep / ... / I know
- I had to....a real gangsta don't spel rite.
- Omg!!! Vanta, stop hyperventilating. Is that phils baby??
- If you look up "love" in the dictionary, there's a picture of you wafting your poo fumes into my face as I turn on the water to your clogged toilet.
- Pffff. Yo let me get a corn dog. / No.
- I just had a flashback to ryan cabrera's house. / Haha. Lord. Mandy.
- What! I am not polygamous. How do you not kno you sound like a donkey. Gross. I sound like an angel. Anyway. Bye.
- Well not to sound weird about my bff but you can tell ***** has a big penis. Don't you have dickdar. / I think I felt it on my back once.
- Bahamas. / damn this autocorrect / hahaha *
- [photo of shoes that only one person rocks on the floor in front of passenger seat of car] Guess who picked me up... (...) / Hmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm. / I bet her [pants that only same person wears] are in the glove.
- Haha. Its ok. Theyre not floral print or look like something juneau would wear. Actually juneau wouldnt wear those. / They have g***** on them.
- Actually I just found the regae music channel and its drowing out the party that is going on in my building that I'm not attending bc I'm a loser.
- Ew. She is NOT our spokesperson. Especially with her swim wardrobe.
- Do you think a****** s**** is going to evacuate his penis into r*chelle's vagina for the hurricane.
- ughhh so ugly. i can't even stand it.
- have you seen ** walk in heels. / She wore some crappy espadrille wedges to ******'s grad party and walked like she was wearing skis. / accurate.
- Face oily as.... / Throw some blotting paper at her face / "oh that was an accident"
- And pour my water on her head and pretend im wiping it off but lather shampoo in and then rinse and repeat
oct 21 2008 ∞
dec 20 2012 +