today SUCKS. it's the 18th and i can't call my girlfriend and semester holidays is four weeks and i can't spend time with my girlfriend on her birthday and oh my god does this shit ever end and i wonder what future me will think about this diary. would i look childish to her?

ugh i mean poor guy he got an eye surgery and i wouldn't feel bad except he's such a nice prof. so i can't blame him completely, but i do partially blame him. maybe future me's over everything that's happened to her at this moment. i hope so cuz i'm a bitch who forgives but never forgets. i think people don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. IS THERE A POINT IN ALL THIS. i am quite literally screaming into a void since no one's here. should i write to future me or give my diary a name. you happen to be my confidant, so maybe you do deserve a name? i have so many questions for future me. do i even get into med school? is she still by my side? it's her or no one so the mere thought of her not being with me hurts so fucking bad. am i happy? do i have a kid? is it a daughter? oh please god let it be a daughter.