‘‘and thanks to you, i, i can't love right, i get nice guys and villainize them; read their texts like they're havin' sex right now, scared i'll find out that it's true, and if i do, then i blame you for every worst that i assume’’

• emails i can't send

‘‘we were never in the park, talking on a seesaw, teetering with our feelings in the dark, ignoring tornado warnings. he didn't hold me in his arms, we didn't stumble over the pages of our relationship arc, ignoring tornado warnings’’

• tornado warnings

‘‘i'm not catastrophizing, everything's derailing, was only tryna hold you close while your heart was failing; it's not internet illusion, just two kids going through it, you said i'm too late to be your first love, but i'll always be your favorite’’

• because i liked a boy

‘‘you used a fork once, it turns out forks are fuckin' everywhere [...] i consider you, i’m not trying to, it doesn't matter whether not i want to, i can't help it, it's a habit, your corner in my mind is well-established [...] i wonder how many things you think about before you get to me, i wonder how many things you wanna do, you think i'm in-between, i feel myself falling further down your priorities, and i still make excuses for you constantly’’

• how many things

‘‘you're good at the falling, not the staying there, you're good at the giving too much, then getting scared, you're good at impersonating someone who cares, and you had me for a minute there’’

• decode

‘‘oh so you do have a type? and it's not me, oh so you can reply? just to not me; if you wanted brown eyes, i could have got contacts [...] and i know now, even if i tried to change, that somehow you'd end up with her anyway’’

• opposite

‘‘if i fall in love with all my problems, will they leave me too? well maybe i believed in all your lies, 'cause i believed in you. why were you somewhere else when you were next to me? [...] tell me i was more than just a decent opportunity, or will you tell me anything i wanna hear to control how you're perceived?’’

• lonesome

‘‘baby, sorry i left you in the dark, i always reach for your leg over there on your side of the car. baby, everything reminds me of you, nobody gets my jokes, everyone here thinks i'm fuckin' rude. when i saw you cry, i didn't handle it well, without you here i don't know what to do with myself. i think about these things at night, before i fall asleep, things i wish you said to me’’

• things i wish you said