- "Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear."
- "I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong."
- "There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself."
- "Thinking about something is like picking up a stone when taking a walk, either while skipping rocks on the beach, for example, or looking for a way to shatter the glass doors of a museum. When you think about something, it adds a bit of weight to your walk, and as you think about more and more things you are liable to feel heavier and heavier, until you are so burdened you cannot take any further steps, and can only sit and stare at the gentle movements of the ocean waves or security guards, thinking too hard bout too many things to do anything else."
- "I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms."
- "One of the world's most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen's younger, more attractive boyfriends."
- "It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself."
- "Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table."
- "strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily."
- "the holiday season is a time for storytelling, and whether you are hearing the story of a candelabra staying lit for more than a week, or a baby born in a barn without proper medical supervision, these stories often feature miracles. Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see"
- "The moral of Snow White is never eat apples."
- "Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity."
- "If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf."
- "A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out."
- "Beef. Yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted."
- "You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments."
- "A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded."
- "To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn't work, there is nothing left."
- "Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake."
dec 14 2008 ∞
apr 12 2013 +