- *uses lol and lmfao to make embarrassing and sad truths about myself seem like a joke*
- according to my art teacher i have a really aggressive drawing style??
- use this to your advantage, kill the rest of your art class, paint with their blood, leave no survivors, use the change you wrangle from their pockets to buy mcnuggets.
- each time i tell you those three words i mean them more and more
- eating is so badass i mean you put something in a cavity where you smash and destroy it with 32 protruding bones and then a meat tentacle pushes it into a pool of acid and after a few hours later you absorb its essence and transform it in energy just wow
- friend: why are you covered in glitter?
- me: why aren't YOU covered in glitter???
- i wish puberty took you to a customize your character screen
- do you realize how many people would be dragons
- you say that like it's a bad thing
- if you want to know how bad marriage is hitler killed himself after less than 40 hours of being married
- i feel like there might've been some other things going on in his life too, but there's really no way to be sure
- im so tired i could eat a horse
- i identify as a horse and this offends me
- i identify as offends and this horses me
- i offend horses. identify me.
- i think the main question is why would you eat a horse if you were tired
- me: *tries to be normal for ten minutes*
- me: *puts green eyeshadow all over my cheeks and cries*
- me: honestly im just so evil. so full of darkness. i feed off the souls of the living and i strike fear into-
- friend: you sleep with a teddy bear
- hes my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS
- me: *applying eos lip balm*
- me: flowers! kittens! pretty skies! calming landscapes!
- also me: knives! cemeteries! blood! ghosts! horror!
- me: that pokemon looks so cool!!
- some buttman: sure, but it's attack stat is shit and not to mention it;s ability makes it worthless. it's move pool is so shallow, it can't even learn good tms. not to mention that it's 4x weak to fire.
- me: he go swoosh swoosh and it's cute
- my boyfriend is deaf and today i found out he's been taking speech therapy secretly without telling me. i found out because when he me to the door, he gave me a kiss and signed "i've been working and practicing to do this" and he cleared his throat and said in the cutest way, "you're beautiful, and i want to be with you forever. i love you" his voice was so croaky and sweet and i kissed him and i felt i should share.
- my throat is kinda irritated let me google it and see what's up
- my two moods are:
- ok ice cubes are so fucking badass i mean they float around in their own blood
- one time when i was seven i thought i could talk to trees (because i had no friends), and i used to sit by them and say things and one day i was talking to my tree friend called kevin and this girl went up to me and said "are you talking to that tree, freak!" an i started crying and hugged on to the tree, and while she was laughing one of the branches fell on the girl's head. thanks kevin.
- snowflakes are actually the perfect metaphor for people. each one IS unique, but we all have the same structure and are pretty similar in spite of our differences. and really, with as many around as there is, aint no one gonna notice your differences unless they care enough to look closely.
- people are also similar to snowflakes in that it is difficult when there are too many of them piled up on the road
- that's it. i'm sick of waiting. i'm officially declaring it halloween season. everyone grab your broomsticks and sweaters.
- the inside of your butt is warm enough to hard boil an egg
- i'm not falling for this one again
- the scary thing about dating is that you are either going to marry that person or break up
- or skin them and wear their face as a hat
- today we found a lost king charles spaniel whose collar said donkey and he's currently at my house until we find his owner. we found out after the first couple of hours that he doesn't respond to his name unless you say it like shrek, so idk what kind of human he belongs to.
- what if tyga tried to be cute n bite kylie's lip and it just popped
- when i was like 7 i found my brother's porn on his computer and it was this story about a girl and she went to this mechanics place but she didn't have any money so she pay with like sex and then so i thought that was how you paid for everything so once we went to target and i started unbuttoning my pants and my mother started screaming
- when you leave the fine arts kids alone
- art kids: they got the clay and paint. dicks are everywhere.
- band kids: they built a fort out of the chairs. one of the drum majors has declared themselves king.
- chorus kids: one guy plays pop tunes while half the girls surround the piano singing in terrible made up harmonies. the rest of the class is on their fucking iphones.
- computer tech kids: every single person is on coolmath4kids. even if they're seniors.
- creative writing kids: hardcore bob the builder x barney fanfics
- drama kids: all the wigs and costumes have been tried on by everyone
- orchestra: kidnaps a band kid and uses them for a ritual sacrifice
- where all my introverts at?
jul 20 2016 ∞
oct 5 2016 +