• she wore glasses even though she didn’t need them. she said they made her feel better about herself. smarter, somehow. she thought it was silly, but i’d never seen anyone more beautiful.
    • and just when i thought i could take no more, that i would rather die than let it go on, i heard her voice. she sang, “little wolf, little wolf, can’t you see? you are the master of the forest, the guardian of the trees.” she laughed. “always quiet as a mouse. let them hear you now.”
    • "you’re a good man. a lovely man. and i’ve missed you so.”
    • i wasn’t looking at the camera or at any of the others. i only had eyes for one person. and oh, was he smiling at me as if i were the only thing in his entire world. our hands were joined between us, and kelly bennett had stars in his eyes. he was taller than me, his head tilted downward as he watched me. i looked as if i were in the middle of telling a story he’d heard a million times.”
    • ox did. ox touched me. he put a hand around the back of my neck. he pressed his forehead against mine. his eyes seemed endless. i could do nothing but watch him. i breathed him in. my hands shook. my knees were weak. he whispered, “hello, robbie. i’m so very pleased to see you again.”
    • “good,” he said. “and i know you’re still you, robbie. i know it with everything i have, because that’s not your wolf. it’s kelly’s.” i took in a stuttering breath. he was in front of me then, and he bent over, trailing his nose along my hairline to my ear. “you took it with you wherever you went,” he whispered. “because you loved it so and couldn’t bear to leave it behind. with you, it was safe. with you, he was safe. after he was taken from your mind, part of you still held on. even if you can’t remember anything else, remember that. i asked you once why you carried it with you all the time. you said it was because you never thought you could have something so special, and you needed to remind yourself that it was real.”
    • “you said you thought the world of me. that we’d been through so much and you couldn’t stand another day if i didn’t know that. you told me that you were a good wolf, a strong wolf, and if i’d only give you a chance, you’d make sure i’d never regret it.” i had to know. “have you?” “no,” he whispered. “not once. not ever.”
    • i can’t wait to meet you. but i hope you understand that i’ll be fine with waiting on that meeting for a time. because when he gives you his heart, it will no longer be mine to hold. and i want to hold on to it for as long as i’m able.
    • “and i won’t stop. i won’t ever stop. even if i lose you again, if you somehow forget all of this, i’ll do it again. and again. and again.” i was shaking. i couldn’t stop. “why?” “because you filled a hole in me i didn’t even know was there. you make me complete. you make me happy. i see you, robbie. i see you.”
    • robbie, robbie, robbie, you’re here. you’re with me. you’re safe. you’re home. you’re home. you’re home.
    • “i’m going to love you,” i whispered to him. “i’m going to love you, and i'm never going to let you go.”
    • there was something… i don’t know. endless. about you and me. we came here sometimes. just the two of us. and i pretended to know all the stars. i would make up stories that absolutely weren’t true, and i remember looking at you, thinking how wonderful it was just to be by your side.
    • “home,” he whispered. “you smell like home. you always have. and that’s the only thing that matters.
    • “i need to tell you something,” i say, my voice strong. “and i know it might be surprising to hear from me, but i think… i think you’re amazing. i think you’re wonderful. i don’t know if there’s anyone like you in all the world, kelly. and i know you probably don’t think of me the same way, and that’s okay. i don’t want to put any pressure on you. i would never do that. i just… i look at you, sometimes, and my heart is in my throat and i can’t breathe. i guess that means you take my breath away.
    • kelly, kelly, kelly. the last thing i sent to him was a fucking heart emoji. if only i’d known what was about to happen. if i had, i would have told him i loved him. i would have told him i never loved anyone like i love him. i would have thanked him for making me whole. for giving me hope. for giving me a home. i would have told him that even if this was always going to be my ending, if given the chance, i would do it all over again. for him. for my pack.
feb 27 2020 ∞
feb 27 2020 +