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“my god, my god, whose performance am I watching? how many people am I? who am I? what is this space between myself and myself?” — fernando pessoa, from the book of disquiet

bookmarks:
a ~ books (braindump)
travel (current daydreams)
notes (favourites 2024)
notes (to craft & create)
moony films (2024)
  • 1. extraordinary machine

if there was a better way to go then it would find me i can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me be kind to me, or treat me mean i'll make the most of it, i'm an extraordinary machine

i am the baby of the family, it happens so everybody cares and wears the sheeps' clothes while they chaperone

  • 3. better version of me

can't take a good day without a bad one don't feel just to smile until i've had one where did i learn? i make a fuss about a little thing the rhyme is losing to the riddling where's the turn? i don't want a home, i'd ruin that home is where my habits have a habitat why give it a turn?

i am likely to miss the main event if i stop to cry or complain again so i will keep a deliberate pace let the damned breeze dry my face

  • 5. tymps (the sick in the head song)

the red isn't the red we painted, it's just rust and that signature thing that used to bring a following i have trouble now even remembering

so why did i kiss him so hard late last friday night? and keep on letting him change all my plans i'm either so sick in the head, i need to be bled dry to quit or i just really used to love him, i sure hope that's it

  • 6. parting gift

i opened my eyes while you were kissing me once more than once and you looked as sincere as a dog just as sincere as a dog does when it's the food on your lips with which it's in love

i bet you could never tell that i knew you didn't know me that well it is my fault you see you never learned that much from me

oh, you silly stupid pastime of mine you were always good for a rhyme and from the first to the last time the signs said stop but we went on wholehearted it ended bad but i love what we started

  • 8. oh well

oh what a cold and common old way to go when i was feeding on the need for you to know me devastated at the rate you fell below me what wasted unconditional love

  • 10. red red red

i don't understand about complementary colors and what they say side by side they both get bright together, they both get gray

but he's been pretty much yellow and i've been kind of blue

i don't understand about diamonds and why men buy them what's so impressive about a diamond except the mining?

but it's dangerous work trying to get to you, too and i think if i didn't have to kill kill, kill, kill, kill, kill myself doing it maybe i wouldn't think so much of you

and i don't understand i never understand but i'll try to understand there's nothing else i can do

  • 11. not about love

"what is this posture i have to stare at" that's what he said when i was sitting up straight changed the name of the game 'cause he lost it he knew he was wrong, but he knew it too late but i'm not being fair 'cause i chose to listen to that filthy mouth but i'd like to choose right take all the things that i said that he stole put 'em in a sack, swing 'em over my shoulder turn on my heels, step out of his sight try to live in a lovelier light

i miss that stupid ache

apr 12 2024 ∞
apr 16 2024 +