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“my god, my god, whose performance am I watching? how many people am I? who am I? what is this space between myself and myself?” — fernando pessoa, from the book of disquiet

bookmarks:
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travel (current daydreams)
notes (favourites 2024)
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moony films (2024)
  • “We only look like young stars/because you can’t see old scars.”
  • Art doesn’t owe anything to anyone.
  • BILLY: Daisy loved the work of recording an album. I knew she loved it. I’d seen it. The only way Daisy would pass up an opportunity to record her own song is if she was doped up beyond all recognition. It hurts to care about someone more than they care about themselves. I can tell that story from both sides.
  • BILLY: I loved my wife. I was faithful to my wife from the very minute I straightened up. I tried desperately to never feel anything else for any other woman. But…[breathes deeply] Everything that made Daisy burn, made me burn. Everything I loved about the world, Daisy loved about the world. Everything I struggled with, Daisy struggled with. We were two halves. We were the same. In that way that you’re only the same with a few other people. In that way that you don’t even feel like you have to say your own thoughts because you know the other person is already thinking them. How could I be around Daisy Jones and not be mesmerized by her? Not fall in love with her? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
  • But Camila meant more. That’s just the very deepest truth. My family meant more to me. Camila meant more to me. Maybe, for a little while there, Camila wasn’t the person I was the most drawn to. Or…
  • But I do remember distinctly that Daisy was wearing a white dress. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She had big hoop earrings on. Her bracelets. And I looked at her, just before we started singing, and I think—I really do think this—I think I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in my life.
  • Camila looked at me for a moment and then she said something that changed my life. She said, “Don’t count yourself out this early, Daisy. You’re all sorts of things you don’t even know yet.”
  • Camila said to me, “I wish Billy didn’t love anyone else. But do you know what I decided a long time ago? I decided I don’t need perfect love and I don’t need a perfect husband and I don’t need perfect kids and a perfect life and all that. I want mine. I want my love, my husband, my kids, my life.
  • CAMILA: No matter who you choose to go down the road with, you’re gonna get hurt. That’s just the nature of caring about someone. No matter who you love, they will break your heart along the way. Billy Dunne has broken my heart a number of times. And I know I’ve broken his. But yes, that night watching them on SNL…that was one of the times that my heart cracked. But I just kept choosing trust and hope. I believed he was worthy of it.
  • CAMILA: The day the record hit the shelves, we took the girls down to Tower Records. We let Julia buy her own copy. I was a little wary of it, to be honest. It wasn’t exactly child-friendly. But it was her dad’s album. She was allowed to have her own copy of it. When we left the store, Billy said, “Who’s your favorite member of the band?” And I said, “Oh, Billy…” And Julia pipes up and goes, “Daisy Jones!”
  • DAISY: He smelled like pine and musk. His hair was about half an inch too long, you could see it hanging behind his ears. His eyes were clear, and green as ever. People say it’s hard to be away from the people you love but it was so hard to be right next to him.
  • DAISY: I said, “It’s like some of us are chasing after our nightmares the way other people chase dreams.”
  • DAISY: I started singing and I looked at him. And he looked at me. And, you know what? For three minutes, I think I forgot we were performing for twenty thousand people. I forgot his family was standing there. I forgot we were singers in a band. I just existed. For three minutes. Singing to the man I loved.
  • DAISY: When people asked for my autograph, I used to write, “Stay Solid, Daisy J.” But when it was a young girl—which wasn’t often but it did happen from time to time—I used to write, “Dream big, little bird. Love, Daisy.”
  • GRAHAM: It was the first time I saw how—what’s the word I’m looking for?—how invested, I guess, people got in the band. Billy and I went to get a burger at a rest stop when we were somewhere in the desert. Arizona or New Mexico or something and this couple comes up to us. They say to Billy, “Are you Billy Dunne?” Billy says, “Yeah, I am.” And they say, “We love your album.” And Billy’s handling it great, being really gracious. He always was. He was great with fans. He made it seem like every person who complimented him was the first person to do it. So Billy starts having a more one-on-one conversation with the guy and the woman pulls me aside and says, “I just have to know. Billy and Daisy? Are they together?” And I pulled my head back and I said, “No.” And she nodded like she understood what I was trying to say. Like she knew they were sleeping together but accepted that I couldn’t tell her that.
  • GRAHAM: You know how sometimes you can tell that something is off with somebody? But you can’t put your finger on it? And you ask what’s wrong and they seem to have no idea what you’re talking about? You feel crazy. You feel like you’re going crazy. This feeling in your gut that the person you love isn’t okay. But they look okay. They look okay.
  • I had hurt Camila. God knows I had. But loving somebody isn’t perfection and good times and laughing and making love. Love is forgiveness and patience and faith and every once in a while, it’s a gut punch.
  • I wanted drugs and sex and angst. That’s what I wanted. Back then I thought that the other type of love…I thought that was for other types of people. Honestly, I thought that type of love didn’t exist for women like me. Love like that was for women like Camila. I distinctly remember thinking that.
  • JONAH BERG: When he said, “Talent like Daisy’s is wasted on people like Daisy,” I went, Oh, wow. Okay. Here is a great article.
  • KAREN: Camila knew who Billy was better than he did.
  • KAREN: Camila knew who Billy was better than he did. A lot of women would have said, “You’ve had your fun, but we’ve got three kids now.” Camila loved Billy exactly as he was. I dug that about her so much.
  • KAREN: I said, “You don’t understand me. You expect me to be someone I’m not.” And Graham said, “You never loved me the way I loved you.” And both of those things were true.
  • KAREN: That was an interesting flight. I think that was the flight Warren got slapped by the stewardess. I only heard the slap, I didn’t see it. WARREN: I asked her if she was a natural blonde. Lesson learned. Not all women think that’s funny.
  • KAREN: You know how every once in a while you’ll meet somebody who seems to be floating through life? Daisy sort of floated through the world, oblivious to the way it really worked. I suppose I probably should have hated her for it, but I didn’t. I loved her for it. Because it meant she was less inclined to take the shit I’d been taking for years now. And with her around, I didn’t have to take that shit either.
  • Maybe Camila wasn’t the person I was the most in love with. At that time. I don’t know. You can’t…Maybe she wasn’t. But she was always the person I loved the most. She was always the person I would choose. It is Camila, for me. Always. Passion is…it’s fire. And fire is great, man. But we’re made of water. Water is how we keep living. Water is what we need to survive. My family was my water. I picked water. I’ll pick water every time. And I wanted Daisy to find her water. Because I couldn’t be it.
  • ROD: I always tell my people to stay away from benzos and heroin. People don’t die staying up, they die when they go to sleep. Look at Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison. Downers kill you.
  • Teddy said, “Daisy, someone who insists on the perfect conditions to make art isn’t an artist. They’re an asshole.”
  • That’s the glory of being a man. An ugly face isn’t the end of you.
  • WARREN: I met Niccolo and I went, Oh, okay, got it. This guy’s a con artist. EDDIE: I kind of liked Niccolo. He was always real cool with me and Pete.
  • WARREN: Let me sum up that early tour for you: I was getting laid, Graham was getting high, Eddie was getting drunk, Karen was getting fed up, Pete was getting on the phone to his girl back home, and Billy was all five, at once.
  • When we did “Young Stars,” I was praying Billy would look at me and acknowledge what we were saying to each other. And when we did “Please,” I was begging him to pay attention to me. I was having a hard time singing “Regret Me” with any real anger because I wasn’t angry, most of the time. Not anymore. I was sad. I was so goddamn sad.
  • When you find that rare person who really knows who you are and they still don’t love you… I was burning.
mar 15 2024 ∞
aug 21 2024 +